My Secret Lover

Chapter 40

Pov. Jake Sim*

"Prom sucks," muttered Jay, who was sitting next to me at a round table in the library, ostensibly reading a book about who knows what.

If he knew that the book was upside down...

I looked up from my assignment sheet intently and glanced at him.
"I'm sure you're just sad because you don't have a companion," Riki interjected, staring at his iPad as usual. "Not true. You don't have company either, do you?" countered Jay. "I don't need to! I can have fun with my friends that way, too. Not everything has to have a romantic connection, yuck," the youngest at the table admitted in disgust, rolling his eyes.

He had a point there. Still, I would have liked to have Sunghoon by my side right now. I wonder if I angered him with my drunken behavior and ramblings about Lily. Or what was the reason for him avoiding me?

"Jake, do you have a date?" suddenly pecked Jay.

Well, I wanted to ask Lily because my father really wanted to see a woman by my side. But I didn't ask her, and I'm not going to.

"No, I don't..."
"Jake Sim? No company?" asked Jay, aghast, to which I just shrugged coldly. "Well, what the hell, let's just make it a bros-only night! I mean, guess what, it's not just studying here tonight, isn't that fun? We can get some hot chicks there too, or let loose on the dance floor," Jay tried to lighten the mood as he realized everyone was kind of negative now. "I'm going to ignore that innuendo, or my breakfast is going to come up," Riki muttered.
A chair next to me was suddenly pushed back with a jerk and Sunoo sat down next to Riki and me. He placed a large paper bag on the floor, whereupon Riki looked at him in confusion. "Why are there so many books in there? Are they all yours?" he asked the older one. "No, they're Hoon's. I'm supposed to bring them to him," Sunoo whispered, turning away from me, hoping I wouldn't overhear his chatter. But I listened and got a real smack in the face.

What did I do to Sunghoon? He seemed to talk to Sunoo, Riki, and Namra, but not to me. So, the others knew what was going on, but not me? Was it because of my prom idea? Or because of my unrealistic and not serious plans for the future that I revealed while being drunk?

I could feel the tears coming. That's why I quickly rose and hurriedly ran to the men's room. Sniffling, I locked myself in a cabin and could no longer hold back the tears; I was simply at my wits' end. Dejected, I sat down on the floor and lingered there while my thoughts turned to Sunghoon and the future.

I wonder if I will ever have the chance to talk to him again, let alone see him.

Deeply I inhaled and exhaled, it somehow released the painful tension in my head, while tears ran freely down my cheek, blurring my vision.

It really fucking hurt and somehow, I didn't want to comprehend the whole thing. It was unfair that everyone was allowed to talk to him and I, as his boyfriend, wasn't even allowed to see him!

I had to be careful that my crying didn't get any louder, I was downright desperate while my tense body was shaking.

Why? Why me? Was I such a bad person? Had I hurt Sunghoon that much?

Suddenly, I heard the front door of the men's room creak softly. "Jake? Are you here?", I heard someone I identified as Jay ask.
At the push of a button, I fell silent, sat sideways on the floor of the cabin, very close to the toilet, and tried not to make a sound. I quickly wiped away my tears with the jacket of my uniform, then my runny nose after that.
"It's Jay," he continued. The door next to my cabin opened and my heart beat a little faster. Then the footsteps moved away and suddenly he rattled my locked door. He knocked three times. I could make out his black shoes and blue uniform pants. "Are you in there?" he asked.