The Next Chapter (A Rizzoli & Isles fanfiction)

22.

"Maura, are you in love with me?" Jane asked again, facing the honey blonde with a look of total disbelief over her face. Maura stood with her mouth open but no words were sounding. She should say something, she thought to herself but she couldn't get herself to speak. Just say something - anything! Maura was stuck without words for the first time and as she looked Jane in the eyes, she could feel the frustration coming from the raven haired female.

"MAURA!" Jane snapped her fingers in front of Maura's face and it was only then that Maura realised how close Jane was now standing to her. She had almost completely closed the space between them and Maura took in a sharp breath. She didn't know what to say to her or what she could say to make this better. But it was just sitting there, in the awkward tension and silence of the room, lingering, waiting for the honey blonde to say something.

"I can't believe this!" Jane exclaimed as she turned her back to Maura and began walking away. She started pacing the room, her hands running through her hair as she tried to get her head on straight.
"Jane..." Finally, a word. Maura went to reach out to the detective before her but she flinched back and stopped dead in her tracks again. She turned to face Maura. "How long?"
"Wh-what do you me-"
"How long have you been in love with me, Maura?" Jane questioned, wanting a straight answer from her friend. 

Jane's question made Maura stop to think. How long had it been? She had only really noticed it recently but thinking back, Maura believed it had been going on for a while. All the times that Maura had watched Jane suffer in her job - when she shot herself to kill a criminal or when she got shot defending a helpless young girl or the time that she was abducted and tied to the bed of a man who believed she was his wife or all the times Hoyt had gotten under Jane's skin. Had she been in love with her through all of that or was it just recently? In all honesty, Maura didn't know. She wasn't very good with relationships and never knew if the other person liked her back but maybe that was why she had kept this a secret for so long...

"Maura, please! If you don't say something, I'm going to walk out that door. Do you hear me?" Jane said, pointing to the door behind her. 
"Jane, please don't do that. You have no idea where you're going out there."
"Then give me an answer to at least one of my questions." Once again, Jane walked closer and closed the space between them. Maura found her breath to be caught in her throat but she forced herself to make eye contact with Jane and found that the detective had tears in her eyes. She was trying not to cry and this was Maura's fault...

"Look, Jane... I don't know." Maura sighed heavily and now it was her turn to turn around and pace the length of the bedroom whilst she tried to sort through the thoughts in her head. Once a few agonising moments of silence had passed, Maura stopped in her tracks again and took in one deep breath, releasing it shortly after. This was it. She had to tell Jane what was going on in her head before she walked out and Maura lost her best friend. If she couldn't be with her in a relationship, then she was going to save the friendship. 

Jane sat herself down on the end of the bed and Maura softened her expression as she looked at the raven haired female. She walked over and knelt down on the floor in front of Jane. She took her hands in her own, her thumbs tracing over the scars that Hoyt had left her. Those reminders that Jane was a warrior. Maura admired her courage and strength and those scars... Maura found them to be beautiful, even if they were received under awful circumstances. She had never told Jane about the beauty of her scars because the raven haired female had never been ready for it, but maybe one day, once all this blew away in the wind, she would tell her. Or maybe it would be another secret she would have to keep. She was getting pretty good at keeping secrets now it seemed.

"I don't know when this started." Maura began, her tone soft and comforting as Jane avoided eye contact. "All I know is that I have these feelings for you and they just won't go away. I see you in the morning with this wild hair" Maura reached up and took a curl of Jane's hair in her fingers and gently slipped the down to the end of the hair. "and your coffee cup in these hands," she said as she took Jane's hands back once again. "and I just get instantly happy. I watch you risk your life out there every day and I worry that you'll never come back home. Whenever you laugh, I laugh with you because I love seeing you so happy and after everything you've been through, you deserve to be happy Jane. Whether that's with me or somebody else... You deserve to be happy."
"Maur'..."
"No. Please. Let me finish..." Maura said as she released yet another deep and heavy sigh.

"I never saw my life with a woman. I've never been interested in dating women but when you're around, I get this feeling that won't go. I get all happy and... and... giddy!" She chuckled, giving Jane's hands a soft squeeze. "You taught me that it's okay to let go and be happy. You taught me that life isn't just about the facts and the science. It's about family and friends and love. It's about the time shared with those who mean the world to you and Jane, you /are/ my world." Maura's eyes started to fill with tears as she finally poured her heart out to her best friend. There really was no turning back now.

"Maura."
"I-I'm not done."
"Yes. Yes you are." Jane pulled her hands away and wrapped her arms around her body. She turned her head away, looking at the side of the room to avoid eye contact with her best friend. Maura sat back on her legs, her brows furrowing as she watched the other woman's reaction. Was this a big mistake? Jane looked ashamed, disgusted and perhaps even a little embarrassed even though there was only the two of them in this room. "Jane?" Maura said softly and quietly but there was no reaction. The only noise that was sounded was a slight sniffle as if the female before her was crying.

She had ruined everything. That was it. Everything that they had worked so hard to build over these years was gone and it was all because Maura confessed her feelings. Sure, the two have definitely had their fair share of arguments over the years but they had always come back from them. Jane had saved Maura's leg before, even in the middle of an argument but this? Was there any coming back from this? Maura wasn't so sure as she studied the body language of Jane Rizzoli.

Getting to her feet, Maura turns her back and takes one step forward when a hand on her arm pulls her back. She slowly turns and faces Jane who is up on her feet and making intense eye contact with the honey blonde. They locked eyes, searching for each other's souls for a few moments before Jane snaked a hand behind Maura's head and pulled the blonde in, pressing a passionate and delicate kiss on her lips. Maura is taken by surprise by the action but she closes her eyes and frames Jane's face with her hands as the two pull apart ever so slightly.

"I like men." Jane whispered with a light laugh.
"Yeah, so do I." Maura said, her brows lifted as she chuckled too. Jane leaned in once again and kissed her again, this time with a lot more heat and passion than the first. Once again, they pulled apart and Jane rested her forehead against Maura's. 
"But I like you too."
"Y-You do?" Maura said, shock covering her expression as her eyes filled with tears again. 
"Hmm-mm. I always have. I was just..."
"Scared?"
"Yeah, something like that." Jane shrugged her shoulders. "I just wish you would have told me sooner."
"Why?" Panic rose in Maura's body as Jane's words hit like a blow to the stomach. Was she with someone? She hadn't been alone long enough to meet anyone in Paris so it must be someone back in Boston...

"Because we went through so many /awful/ men..." Jane rolled her eyes, a smirk forming on her face as she paused mid sentence. Reaching forwards, she tucked some hair behind Maura's ear. when I could have just been with you." With a smile on both of their faces, Jane wiped a fresh tear that fell down Maura's flushed cheek as the other hand fell to meet Maura's, locking into a familiar hold with the honey blonde's. 

This was it... The secret was out and Jane didn't hate her. No, she loved her back and had done for years... Why had neither of them said anything? Maura searched Jane's eyes for answer but the raven haired female chuckled and pulled Maura towards the bed. "Come on, let's get some sleep. I'm sure you have a fun day planned for us tomorrow." And with that, Maura followed Jane to the bed and climbed under the blankets with her for the first time as... what exactly were they? No, she didn't need to question that right now. All she needed to do was get in bed with Jane and they'd worry about anything else in the morning. This moment was perfect and there was no way Maura was going to spoil that... No way.