tns oneshots

Gingerbread

Emily had to admit, Riley's present was brilliant. Making gingerbread houses with all the girls from old A Troupe was so much fun. The seven of them. All the good memories came flooding back - the sleepover, winning regionals, chatting in culture shock. But all the awful memories came back too.

As Michelle flashed her a smile, a wave of guilt rushed through her. She had been awful to Michelle. For no reason. The things she had said and done. The things she had made other people say and do. The only one who had stood up to her was Riley and, well, that was the lowest point of her and Riley's relationship. Why Riley and Michelle had forgiven her, she didn't know. She was glad they had, but she didn't know why.

And Giselle. She still felt bad about that. Giselle had always been an egirl, even when she didn't make A troupe. Not only did she fail to get Giselle back onto the team, but she didn't even mean to keep her promise. She just needed an excuse to bully Michelle. Giselle taking her place when she left for Elite had been accidental. The thought hadn't even occurred to her, otherwise she would have played it to her advantage. Which kind of highlighted what an awful person she had been back then.

She even betrayed her best friend. The one person who had stood by her, no matter what. The whole point of their fresh start was to get it together. But when Stephanie didn't make the team, Emily left her. She had felt bad, but not bad enough to do anything about it. She didn't even remember saying goodbye. She deserved what Amanda said to her, the way Amanda had treated her. Which was very similar to the way she had treated Chloe.

The things she had said to Chloe. They had been awful. She didn't think she had ever treated someone worse than that. After she visited the cafe, Chloe had said that it was ok, that it made up for what she had done, that she forgave her. It wasn't ok. It made up for nothing. And Emily didn't deserve Chloe's forgiveness. Not then. Maybe now, after everything that had happened.

She still wondered how she lived with herself, how she fell asleep at night, with what she had done to them all. She took a breath. Let go of the negativity. She smiled back at Michelle, and laughed with the others as Riley's gingerbread house fell apart. She caught Tiffany's eyes. And pain took guilt's place.

Tiffany, walking over to Michelle instead of her. Michelle had already won. Tiffany didn't choose the better routine. She chose the person who made it. And she picked Michelle. Over her years of friendship with Emily. And then expected that friendship to still be there. It was now. But not then.

And Chloe and Giselle, believing instantly that day of the solo auditions, that she was back to "old Emily." That was what she had wanted them to think. But they had barely needed to be convinced. And Riley. Yes, Riley had been on her side. Sort of. Except that they had stopped talking. Not just at the studio but at home. Like she had started to believe Emily was that person. Hearing the insults must have hurt. But Emily hadn't meant them. But Riley had thought that a small part of her did.

And Michelle stealing Eldon. And acting innocent. And everyone else acting like nothing had happened. Like she was just causing drama. Because Emily was always wrong. She had never gotten an apology, from anyone actually. Maybe that's how she lived with herself. Maybe that's how she lived with herself. Because when it came to her, her guilt was equal to her pain.

"Hey" Michelle nudged her. "You seem distracted"

"Yeah" Emily laughed.

Michelle grinned and grabbed some chocolate. "Want some?"

"Michelle, it's for the gingerbread houses!"

"So what? It's not like any of us are actually going to succeed in making one"

"Speak for yourself. I'm almost done"

"Is that a challenge?" Michelle arched an eyebrow.

"No" Emily laughed.

As Michelle set about constructing quite possibly the worst gingerbread house in history, Emily took a breath and let her worries go. Then pushed herself to beat Michelle in this silly competition. Honestly, she didn't have to push very hard.

a/n: short, sweet, and way too late for Christmas

-tns_egirl