tns oneshots

Empty

Empty. Kingston felt empty. Maybe felt wasn't the right word. Kingston wasn't entirely sure he could feel anymore. He didn't think he'd felt anything in a long time, certainly not this dance season. Every emotion had been on the surface, fake smiles that everyone believed because he was fine. He was ok. Nothing had happened. But the world was fuzzy. It was out of focus, days passed so unremarkably they blended together. Everything was faint. The hum of conversations, the music playing from the studio's old speakers. The only thing clear about each day was the sound of the dancers' footsteps as they hit the wooden floor. And Ozzy.

The world might not have seemed real but Ozzy certainly was. He was full of life, in a way that nothing else seemed to be. Kingston would catch himself watching him, all the time. He didn't know why, he didn't understand it. It didn't feel like love, it didn't feel like anything. It didn't hurt, it didn't feel painful when Ozzy spent hours talking about Richelle. It didn't make him happy when Ozzy spent time with him or cracked jokes. He didn't feel butterflies stir in his stomach when they made eye contact. He didn't feel anything, despite how hard he tried to. He just wanted to scream or cry or laugh. He just wanted to feel alive again, to get out of this blurry world he was trapped in.

Even dance didn't feel thrilling anymore. He spent all his time practicing new moves, perfecting new skills. He was becoming one of the best dancers on A Troupe. But nothing. He didn't feel proud or sore after an exhausting training session. Hell, he barely felt tired. He never felt hungry, rarely felt thirsty. It was like he was losing the will to live. Sometimes he wished that he was getting lifted into the air like the girls were. He thought that if he fell, he'd have to feel something. The thrill of being so high. The adrenaline of hurtling down through the air. The pain of the crash onto the hard studio floor. Obviously it would ruin his chances at a career in dance. But he didn't care anymore, he just wanted to feel something. Anything.

And now Ozzy was helping him study, like the stupidly brilliant kind friend he was. And Kingston still didn't feel anything, but he wanted to a little more when he was around Ozzy. It wasn't that simple, it wasn't that easy but it was something. Something he could never say out loud, to anyone, because who could understand when Kingston didn't understand it himself. And how could he put it into words if he didn't understand what he was, or wasn't, feeling.

Eventually, Kingston would break down. Eventually, he'd confess to the empty lonely feeling inside of him when instead of feeling euphoric after winning regionals, he felt nothing. Eventually, he'd get the help he needed and he'd start to feel alive again. And Ozzy would be there with him every step of the way. But that was weeks in the future and for now, Kingston was studying and dancing and smiling and pretending everything was alright when it wasn't. But it was ok. Because Ozzy knew his friend and he knew that everything wasn't ok. But he knew Kingston would talk about it when he was ready and until then, and after then, Ozzy would be there for him 100% of the time.

Sorry if this is shit, I wrote it at 2am and also sorry if it offends anyone I really have no experience on this so just let me know if you don't like it and I can take it down / edit it. 

~tns.egirl