TW sui**de, self harm mention, ED mention
Evan Hansen, nothing too special pops up when you hear that name, right? It's just another name, another useless human being who's taking up space in the world.
That's what Evan had thought anyway. It's how he felt about himself. Sure, he went to therapy, had.. one friend, and a great mom, the best in his opinion.
But even with all this, all the medications he took, everything felt hard. But he tried to stay strong, little things made him feel better.
One of these things he was doing for Jared and his mom, he had two different scrapbooks. He wanted to keep memories for the two most beloved people in his life, the two biggest supporters that he loved.
In Heidi's, there were mixes of their quotes, silly photos that were both old and new, cute stickers and things to design the book that Heidi got him, tickets for when they saw Hamilton, and more.
Jared's had the few photos they had with each other, pictures of places they've gone together, games they played or wanted to play, cute little notes or sentences to cheer Jared up.
They both were filled with so much love and Evan kept them hidden until the moment felt right.
But let's come back to the present. Evan took his medication waking up. He'd gotten maybe four hours of sleep, tops. He was exhausted and his arm was still stinging from the new scars he'd added. He wanted to stop and he hated himself the day after he did it but it was how he secretly coped. He put on a longed sleeve shirt and one of Jared's hoodie so it just seemed like a cute friendship thing since Evan is known to be clingy.
He went to greet his mom but instead found a note from her:
'Hey honey, work calls and I left early today. In the fridge is your breakfast, the fruits, smoothie, and eggs. I love you dearly, I'll be home for dinner! <3'
It was cute but it sucked, he grabbed the food, ate like two strawberries and tossed the rest in the outside garbage can. He kept the smoothie though for throughout the day.
After he woke up more, he didn't really get ready for the day and looked like a pile of shit under another pile of shit.. but he had no plans since it was Saturday.
Kleinson🥸
[Hey Hansen, Heidi said to watch u, come ovr or I'm going to urs>
Freckledface
[No, no, no need. I'll come over, I'll be there soon.]
Evans room was a mess. He didn't want anybody to see it. He grabbed his bag, putting his inhaler, laptop, and the scrapbook inside. He left Heidi's book on his bed.
Once he arrived at Jared, the first comment he got sucked.
"bazinga, somebody stayed up watching porn all night." A sarcastic comment made by the one and only, Jared Kleinman.
It did make Evan chuckle, not a sincere one but regardless. "Very funny. I just couldn't sleep."
"Because of the porn?" Evan groaned which was a clear sign for Jared to shut up. "Well, we have all day to hang out. I was really just gonna play call of duty but-"
"Before you do that, I may have brought a gift for you?" This caught Jared's attention, he smiled.
"A gift? For me, what is it Christmas?" He'd asked, sitting down on the couch. Jareds parents were also gone for work so it fit perfectly.
"Well, no but- just shut up." Evan put his bag down, opening and carefully taking the scrapbook out. "Be careful with this, okay? I made it just for you. It shows all of our memories." Evan gave a weak smile. "I figured it'd be a nice idea. There's even a few more pages that you could fill up for the future or whatever you'd wanna do with it."
"Oh shit-" Jared did genuinely love the gift, he isn't some heartless asshole. He's a teen boy who can't graciously accept gifts and feels awkward in these nice scenarios. "Wow, well.. this is such an Evan thing to do, it's so dumb and silly." He saw Evans expressions change and knew he said the wrong thing. He felt awful.
"Oh yeah-" Evan laughed sadly, no longer smiling. "You know me, I like doing dumb things like this. I hope you like it though.. Well, I won't hold you here any longer. Go play your games. I'll stay out here" Jared nodded, taking the book to his room, putting it somewhere safe.
Evan sighed quietly once Jared was gone. A part of him said how he literally knew Jared liked it and he's an awkward kid when it comes to gifts.. But of course he didn't agree with that. He agreed on the thought that Jared's growing sick of him.
This whole day made ir clearer. Heidi told him to hang out, he thought the book was dumb, they didn't even hang out other than Evan laying on Jared's bed for a while.
Needless to say, it all grew on Evan. These small events were much bigger in his mind. Even Heidi leaving early. She clearly does this so she doesn't have to see Evan and how pathetic of a son he turned out to be.
He came home because of a lie, he said to Jared that his mom said she was coming home soon. Jared just believed him because he trusts Evan, why would he lie?
Evan didn't take that well either. He left and went into the forest. He didn't do anything though for hours. He walked further in, sitting under a tree in silence.
It wasn't dramatic, he wasn't sobbing. He waited for a sign, anything. Maybe a text, maybe a call, somebody finding him. Hell, even rain to come pouring down so he needed to go home. Nothing though, just silence other than the birds happily singing their songs.
That's when he climbed up. This wasn't like the main story, he didn't break an arm. He didn't die right away either though. He blacked out, the severe brain damage and several broken bones. With lack of help of medical care.. He passed away not even half an hour later.
Only two days have passed, that's when Evans body was found. The whole community had known about Evans disappearance but a boy named Miguel had found his body. He immediately called the police.
Fast forward, Heidi was holding the scrapbook close. She was sobbing her heart out when she was informed. Her own boy, her only son was taken away from her. She wish she did more. Anything!! But nobody could change the past.
Then there was Jared.. the hopeless fool who loved Evan, more than just as a friend of course. Once he was told, he was in denial. But after that, there was anger and sadness. He blamed himself, he knew that Evan had left his house that day to leave the world. He'd never lose or let another person touch the scrapbook.
He'd get furious at anybody who talked about Evan and how sad it was because they knew nothing about him. But that's how the world works, Isn't it? It's unfair, unpredictable, you never truly know what'll happen tomorrow and what it'll take with it.
Hello!!
Thank you for reading my book!! It means the world. But please, if you have these thoughts, seek for help and reach out. I promise you are not alone, you are very much loved.
