Nowhere to Go But Up✓

He's the Kind You Find When You Don't Even Look

I left my therapy session in a daze. I didn't like being confronted with a truth like that, no matter how true it was. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. My parents didn't abandon me, they got dusted in a blip along with half of the population. Nick didn't choose to leave me, the drunk driver that hit him head on did that. I almost left my daughter because of another idiot behind the wheel, that was beyond my control. But these logical thoughts were betrayed by a small voice in my head that said this was my fault. The common denominator in all of these situations was me. What was it about me that made me fate's favorite punching bag?

These thoughts carried me through the rest of my week, sneaking up on me whenever I had a moment to myself. Steve had only been able to come over for dinner the night I had therapy. I hadn't been that good of a conversationalist, too stuck in my own head to provide meaningful conversation. We agreed to still get together on Saturday, that I had something planned and would pick him up. He kissed me good night and left. I went to bed that night and cried. I had made so much progress and here I was retreating again. Steve didn't deserve to be with someone who was constantly going back and forth about being ready to move on.

Saturday dawned, waking me up in a better mood than I had been all week. Maybe it was because it was finally the weekend, or maybe it was because of the date I had planned for Steve and myself but I felt better than I had in days. I got up, showered and dressed in my favorite pair of faded blue jeans and flannel button up over my fitted tank top, grabbing my boots out of the back of my closet and pulled them on, before going to wake up Lucy. Once she was dressed, with a belly full of mini pancakes, and Sirius had been taken out, fed and watered, I got them ready to go with everything they would need for an afternoon at my parents' house, loaded them in my brand new truck and left to pick up Steve.

I pulled into his driveway only five minutes behind schedule, honking the horn to let him know we were here. He walked outside, stopping to lock up his house, before hopping into the passenger seat and leaning over, greeting me with a kiss. Lucy giggled at the sight, alerting him to the audience in the back seats. "Are we bringing some date crashers along?" he asks with a smile.

"No. We're just dropping them off at my parents' along the way." I told him, laughing. The ride out to my parents' was relatively uneventful, the only noise being Lucy's knock knock joke marathon for Steve. When I turned down the familiar dirt road at my parents' and their house came into view, Lucy started squealing and Sirius starting barking along with her, both eager to get out and play. "So I wasn't sure if you had a pair of riding boots so I asked my dad if he could spare a pair. I hope that's ok."

"You're taking me riding?" he asked, nervously.

"Mhmm." I said, sheepishly.

"Sounds like fun. I'm ok borrowing a pair of your dad's boots."

"Ok good." By this point we had pulled up to the barn and my parents were already there, waiting for us. Steve helped me get Lucy out of her carseat while I wrangled Sirius off of his leash, allowing him to take off over to the paddocks and see which horses were out there that he could bother. "Hi mom, dad. Thank you for watching the kids for me."

"Its no trouble Story. It's good to see you again Steve." My mom said while my dad shook his hand before reaching down and giving him the boots.

"I was thinking of putting him on Lady if that's ok Mom?"

"Oh of course. She'll be perfect for him. We normally put new riders on her." She explained to Steve.

"Lady is Mom's horse. Oldest mare in that barn and also the most gentle. She's a steady ride. Doesn't spook easy and she's not too headstrong. Unlike this one over there." I said, pointing over to Oscar who had heard my voice and came over to investigate. I clicked at him and he tossed his head and nickered back at me. "See what I mean? He's offended that I didn't come and see him first thing. He's a big baby. Always needs to be the center of my universe. He completely ignored Lucy the first time I had taken her to the stable to see him. I tried to hold her out so she could pet him and he'd just turn around and give her his ass." Steve laughed at that one. "Nothing to worry about now, of course. Oscar seems to think now that she's his baby and he gets pissy when she pays her pony attention and not him."

I ran into the barn quickly and grabbed the lead rope that was hanging by Oscar's stall. He perked up when he saw me come out with his lead, chirping and nickering, impatiently pawing the ground. "You keep this up and I'll take Dad's horse. You know you have to be patient." He was flicking his ears back and forth, letting me know that I had his full attention. Climbing up and over into his corral, I walked over to him and hooked him up, ready to lead him into the barn to saddle up.

My dad opened the gate for me and I waved Steve over to introduce Oscar to him. "Oscar this is Steve. He's someone very special to me and I expect you to be nice. No nipping." He nudged my shoulder at that, as if to say that he was an angel and never acted out. "You can pet him. He won't bite."

"I'd be more convinced of that if you didn't just tell him not to."

"I promise he won't do anything. Plus I got a pretty good hold on him. It's ok Steve." He cautiously reached out his hand and Oscar met him halfway, pressing his nose into it. "Good boy Oscar." I said while patting his neck. "See that wasn't so bad." I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince in that moment. "Let me show you Lady. As much as I love Oscar, he's mischievous and likes to test him limits. Lady is so gentle, she'll take good care of you." I told him as I led him and Oscar down the aisle towards Lady's stall.

I clucked at her in greeting and she stuck her head out of her stall, eager to see if I brought treats. "Not yet girl." I got her out of her stall and quickly got the two of them tacked up, showing Steve how to do it for future reference. Taking them all back outside I provided a quick demonstration on how to get on, which of course he didn't need as he did it on the first try, landing in the seat of saddle like a pro. "Ok, that's really not fair. I've been riding for most of my life and I still don't look that graceful getting in the saddle."

He laughed and gave me a confidant smirk. "Must be the serum."

"Must be." I said with a smirk of my own. "Ok from there all you need to know is give her a kick with both heels to go. If you need her to stop, gently pull on the reins." He tested it out, giving her a soft kick, too soft, more like a nudge. But Lady was a pro and got on in a slow walk. "Ok good. Let's head out. It's a good ride to where I want to take you." And with that, we waved goodbye to my parents and Lucy and made our way through the pasture.

We chatted here and there on the ride. It was mostly Steve asking questions about my childhood and growing up out here. It was about midday before we reached the hilltop that overlooked most of the town below. "Here we are."

"It's beautiful up here."

"This is my most favorite place in the whole world. It's like a sanctuary. Anytime I have a big decision I need to make, I come here. Or if I need some perspective. Bring up here, away from all the noise, it reminds me that in the grand scheme of everything, whatever I'm facing is significantly small."

"I'm glad you're sharing this with me." We dismounted and set up the picnic lunch my mom prepared for us. It was a perfect afternoon.

While we were packing up our lunch, I finally plucked up the courage to tell him about my therapy session and the realizations I had during the week as I reflected. "I'm terrified of how quickly I'm falling for you. I'm terrified of how quickly my daughter fell in love with you. I'm terrified of what will happen when I inevitably lose you because that seems to be a running trend with me. I'm terrified because I didn't fall this quickly or this hard for Nick and what does that mean for the relationship we had."

We were all packed up and standing by our horses as I was rambling. I was breathing deeply, having used all my breath in my rant. Steve took my hand, pulling me close to him. I hugged him around his middle, inhaling the smell of his cologne, finding comfort in it. He placed a hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. "I'm not asking for any grand declarations Story. Whenever you're ready to take that next step, I'll be waiting. You're not the only one who's falling too fast. You and that little girl of yours have me wrapped around your fingers. I'm not going anywhere." He finishes and then brings his lips to mine, capturing them and stealing my breath away.