Missing Page

Epilogue

Ken

"Dre, this is hopeless. I have no idea he is this slow," maktol ni Josh. Kausap niya si Pablo sa phone at kanina pa siya paulit-ulit sa sinabi.

"Safety first, Josh," sagot ko at pinaharurot ang motorbike.

"Fuck. Kinikilabutan ako sa'yo."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. He's told me many times he isn't used to being called by name when it's me.

Thirteen years.

Hindi pa rin siya sanay. What an odd man.

Thirteen years and my memories never came back. My freshest memory was when I woke up in a hospital bed with three unfamiliar guys. One of them has a mole near his upper lip who looks exhausted and distressed. I learned that it was Pablo later on. Katabi niya si Stell na maga ang mga mata. He was wailing like an idiot when I opened my eyes. The other one was Josh. The calmest of them all.

I remember how Stell was crying when I told them I have no idea who they were. My parents came later on. Galing pa sila ng U. S. kaya natagalan. Oddly, I also don't remember them.

I was told I had an accident on my way home. I was drunk, that was what the report stated. Wala namang ibang naospital. They speculated I purposely hit a tree to avoid something. There wasn't a CCTV so they speculated that it was a stray dog or cat.

Ever since, I was living my life from the memories they've told me. Pero hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa mga sinasabi nila. Minsan pakiramdam ko pinagloloko nila ako.

As told, I once partied twenty four seven and it's hard to believe. I don't know how I live my life before the accident but I don't think I am a party goer. Or maybe I used to but upon waking up, I don't think I am that kind of person.

They've told me of how a heartbreaker I was and I couldn't believe it. I don't think I was that kind of person. From their stories, I was beyond horrible.

"It took you forever," banas na sabi ni Pablo pagkarating namin.

Tinanggap ko ang inabot niyang bulaklak at nanahimik, medyo natakot sa inis niya.

"Si Stell?" kalmadong tanong ni Josh.

"Nasa loob."

When we went inside, we saw Stell in a corner. He looks exhausted, eyes swollen.

This man, I always see him cry. But I feel him though.

Habang hinahatid namin sa huling hantungan ang papa ni Stell, nasa tabi niya lang kami. Neither of us tried to comfort him. Walang salita ang makakapagwala sa sakit na nararamdaman niya.

"Stell, mauna na ako ah. Sasamahan ko pa si Mama, e," pagpapaalam ko matapos ang libing.

"Sige, dre. Salamat sa pagpunta."

Tinapik ko ang balikat niya at marahan lang siyang tumango.

"My deepest condolences, dre. Nandito lang ako palagi kung kailangan mo ng kausap."

"Thank you, Ken. Malaki kana talaga," biro niya pa.

Pinaningkitan ko siya. Loko.

Nauna akong umalis kina Josh at Pablo. Sasamahan nila si Stell doon. Buti nalang at may maiiwan dahil parang hindi pa tanggap ni Stell ang nangyari.

"Hello, Ma," I answered my phone. "Yeah, I'm coming. Stell's not okay of course but I believe that he's strong..."

Nahagip ng mga mata ko ang isang lapida.

Justin de Dios.

I halted and stared. I don't understand why something is urging me to stop. Uttering the name felt a familiar. It's like my tongue used to utter the name.

But despite the heavy feeling on my chest, I cannot remember.

"Greatest fear ko 'yong mamatay ako tapos walang makaalala sa akin."

A faint memory of someone talking flashed my thoughts. There was sunrays, cofee, and a blurry smile of a person.

"Ken? You there?"

Natauhan ako sa boses ni Mama.

"Y-yeah...nandito po."

In a snap, I can't recall why I was standing there. I felt like I was doing something earlier but I cannot remember now.

Nilingon ko ang paligid at wala namang tao, tanging mga lapida lang ng mga yumao.

I started walking away feeling like there was a missing page within me.