Missing Page

Page 6

Ken

Stell: uy asan ka? bigla kang nawala e despidida mo to

Agad kong tinago ang phone nang mabasa ang text ni Stell. In front of me is Justin who is still crying. Sinusubukan niyang ngumiti pero umaagos pa rin ang luha niya.

"Akala ko hindi kana darating. Akala ko hindi ka totoo," he said in between tears.

Nagkagat ako ng labi at yumuko.

"May sasabigin sana ako, Justin."

"Pwede ako muna?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin. I saw how determined he is. His gaze is pleading. His face tells me that he is going to say something I shouldn't be hearing.

"Mahal na yata kita, Ken."

Umawang ang labi ko sa narinig. Guilt is creeping out of me. I've been away for days. I tried to forget him and think of our encounter as a filler of my life.

He scares me.

Our situation scares me.

What makes me deserving of his care and affection?

Bullshit. Matinong rason wala ako pero walang kwentang dahilan, meron.

"Justin kasi—"

"Okay lang naman kung hindi tayo pareho ng nararamdaman. Sinasabi ko lang."

Tinawanan niya ang sinabi na parang wala lang sa kanya 'yon. Pero hindi nakatakas sa tingin ko ang pagdaan ng lungkot sa kanyang mga mata.

"Nakainom ka 'no? Naamoy kasi kita."

"Medyo. Pero hindi naman ako lasing."

Tumango siya at sandali kaming nanahimik.

"Hindi ba masakit—"

"May bago akong—"

Sabay kaming nagsalita at sabay rin kaming natahimik.

"Uhm, may bago akong sinusubukang coffee art. Gusto mong makita?"

"We should be treating your burn first."

"Ayos lang 'to. Hindi naman masyadong mainit 'yong kape. Tsaka, konti lang 'yong natapunan."

Nagtiim-bagang ako sa narinig at tumango nang marahan.

"Let's go," ngiti niya habang hinihila ako papunta sa counter.

Marami siyang kwento sa akin. Gaya ng nakagawian, nakakalimutan niya ang ibang detalye pero tinatawanan niya lang 'yon. His eyes are still swollen from crying earlier but he is acting like everything is okay.

"Look."

Pinakita niya 'yong bagong coffee art na natutunan niya. It was a butterfly.

"Nice..." is all that I said.

His face tells me that he wanted to hear more but I put my lips on straight line hoping he'll get the hint.

"Gusto mo inumin? Para mahimasmasan ka? Lasing ka pa yata, e."

"I'm not drunk."

"Ang cold mo naman," he whispered, laughing without humor.

Ngumiti siya nang malapad at tsaka ako nilapitan. I was standing still, watching his actions. But it did not occur to me that he'll hug me.

My body stiffen.

"Justin..." I cannot utter the words I want to say.

I'm leaving. The hug should not be happening.

"Hindi pa rin talaga ako makapaniwala na bumalik ka."

Hinayaan ko siyang yakapin ako.

Siguro, mamaya ko na sasabihin.

"Bakit ganon?" bigla niyang tanong.

Sinubukan kong kumawala sa yakap niya pero hindi niya ako hinayaan. Nanatiling nakasubsob sa dibdib ko ang mukha niya.

"Ken, bakit ganon? Bakit hindi mo na ako nilalandi?" Natatawang tanong niya.

Naramdaman ko ang sunod-sunod na pagpatak ng kung anumang basa sa braso ko.

"Kasi ano—"

"Huwag mo nang ituloy. Ayokong marinig. Huwag kang mag-alala makakalimutan din naman kita."

I heaved a deep breath. It will be a jerk move if I'll try to comfort him right now.

"Pero kasi..."

Hindi niya naituloy ang sasabihin at umiyak na.

"I always make you cry."

Umiling siya bilang sagot. Sa huli, tumawa pa siya na para ba'ng hindi mabigat ang sitwasyon.

"Late na."

I glanced at my wristwatch and it is still seven in the evening.

"Uwi kana, Ken. Gusto ko na kalimutan 'yang tingin mong kinakaawaan ako."

"Stop saying that and stop laughing."

"What choice do I have then?"

That silenced me.

I went home thinking about the moments I've said empty words and promises.

He will be able to forget those, right? He will just move on in life without the memories we've shared?

Driving in a motorcycle bike while the cold wind is blowing made me think straight. If I stay with him with my shallow feelings, I'd end up hurting him. Mabuti nang tapusin na bago pa masimulan.

"Greatest fear ko 'yong mamatay ako tapos walang makaalala sa akin."

A faint memory of him on a sunny afternoon flashed. We were sitting right next to each other, I was caressing his hair.

With a bitter smile, I thought to myself— I won't ever forget a good person, Justin. Not in this lifetime.

With a sudden impact, everything went black.