Free Fall

Blood drops

Back in my room, I was soo happy that Hawks let me go and after the little talk with him, I knew that I had to be a lot more carefull from now on. It wasn't as if I could just run away or hide. His quirk was way too god for that. He could simply sniff me out with his feathers and his speed wasn't something I could top with the speed of OfA at my level.

At least I back!

I can't get to the bathroom or the toilets to do that with him being sus....

Let's just pull the curtain shut so that he won't spy at me from outside...

Next the candles and then my blades!

I finally get relax!

Finally it was about time!

Right when I got back to my room, I closed the curtains and then light the candle on and put it on the table. Next I changed my clothes into my nighttime ones and decided to take the towel I brought with me out of my bag. It was the only one I had but I couldn't simply just bloody the floor or the bed at all. Thus I decided to use the towel below mmy hand when I cut myself. It was the only idea I had to cover for it.

 I closed my eyes and laid down at my bed at first. However just laying down didn't help at all. There was a time I would count the cuts I did on myself but I grew tired doing this. It never satisfied me and the more I cut the higher the number and if it was not even or a cursed number for me, I would cut even more. Now I was just cutting not even thinking about it. 

After a bit of resting, I sat up on my bed and started cutting. The scent of the candle was really realxing but it was bad at the same time. For some reason, I could hear them. The voices of my past and the voices from people that couldn't let me be at all. It was annoying and I hate them but they were haunting me. It was at times like these that they would not let me be at all. 

'If you really want to be a hero, than why don't you take a swan dive of the roof and hope for a quirk in your next live'

'You are a failure! You can't do anything right!'

A tear escaped fell down my cheek while I started remembering the times when Bakugo beat me up completly. It was not as if anything changed at all but he used to tell me to just take a swan idve with so despiteful look in his eyes. I knew he meant every single word but I also knew that he didn't know what it meant if I ever did that for him. 

'I don't believe a quirkless person can be a hero...'

'I made a mistake! please accept my quirk, my boy!'

A hero desperate enough to come to a child and give him their quirk. A kid as useless as me giving a chance to pursue their dream. But then all the training and the preasure came on me. If I knew that this was the outcome then I would have stayed rather quirkless.

'You have much to learn my bo!'

'You need to be stronger my boy'

'Just clench your butt cheeks together and go for it'

'I was able to use the quirk to the fullest when I got it'

'You will be next symbol of peace!'

'You are my successor my boy! I know you will make me porud..'

'Work harder and you will get to it'

Didn't I work hard enough already?

I did everything you told me and still am breaking every single bone in my body!

I would have died until now multiple times thanks to this quirk and you want me to do more?

It hurts!

I can't!

I am not that strong!

I am weak!

I tried my best and still can't be like you!

I am not you!

Why doesn't anyone understand that?

'Useless'

'Waste of Space'

'Disgusting'

'DAMN DEKU'

'Worthless'

'Quirkless Disappointment'

'Do us all a favor and just die already!'

I know already...

Kacchan and the others were right back when I was still quirkless...

Am I even quirkless now?

This isn't my quirk!

It never belong to me!

No matter how hard I train I can't get a hold of it's full power!

WHY?!

Am I not good enough?

Didn't I train enough?

Am I broken?

He never should have taken me as a successor....

I was now completely crying. There was no way I was able to hold back my tears! I was still looking at the blood drops running down but it wasn't helping me to calm down at all. Normally it was enough but I was too tired for this! For everything. There wasn't anything worth living for me. 

All of the sudden, I felt a sharp pain in my arm which snapped me out of it and I saw that I made a way too deep cut. It was starting too bleed a lot and I knew how hard this would be to cover but it helped at least snapping me out of everything. 

Me: Shit....

I quickly started to look at the wound and cover with the towel I had right below it. It was completly covered in blood. Thankfully I put the first aid kit right in the night time table beside me and took it out in order to clean and bandage the cut. 

The wound was deep and I lost a lot of blood but not enough to die from it. Sure this will make me sluggish but not more than that. It was not as if I wasn't used to that feeling anyways.

Once I was done with bandaging the cuts up on my arm, I cleaned the knife I had on the already bloody towel and hid it once again. The bloody towel I had wasn't something I should have laying around in my room. Thankfully I had a plastic bag from bying the candle and put it inside of that and then in my luggage bag. Now that I covered everything up, I put the first aid kid back and laid back down on the bed.

I felt sleepy and soo peaciful. It felt like dying but also soo welcoming. I couldn't help it but fall asleep.