Beetlejuice oneshots 🪲

Driving Miss Deetz

(A/N this chapter may or may not contain criminal activity)

"Lydia! Come outside!" Delia yelled at the front door. "I'm not going to call you out here again."

Lydia audibly groaned as she pulled her shoes on. She wished Delia wouldn't call her outside again. She didn't know why she had ever agreed to this.

Delia drummed her fingers on the hood of the car impatiently as she waited for her stepdaughter. "The more you stall, the longer this is going to take," she called.

Finally, the door swung open and Lydia came out. "Why do we have to do this today?" she complained. "I wanted to wait until my dad was here. I've seen you drive, Delia."

"Think of it this way," the life coach said, opening the door so she could climb into the passenger seat. "If you cooperate today you'll never have to get me to drive you anywhere again."

Lydia just rolled her eyes. Sure, she thought, but at what cost? Delia had insisted on this, though, so there wasn't much else she could do. She got in the front seat and buckled her seat belt.

Delia rubbed her hands together excitedly. "Okay! Are you ready?"

"Yeah," sighed Lydia, placing her hand on the gear stick. "What do I do first?"

"First we want to familiarize you with the car." Delia waved her hands around. "Get to know all the controls. Feel connected with it."

"I could get out right now."

"Do you know where the pedals are?" Delia pointed beneath Lydia's feet. "Try those out a bit. Now check your mirrors..."

Lydia stared at her reflection in the side mirror. She looked completely unamused. She hoped that Delia could see her face.

"Lydia, are you listening to me? I said, when you're ready, you can shift the car into drive, but go slow."

"I think I've got this, Delia," Lydia told her. "I reviewed it on WikiHow, like, fifteen times this morning."

"WikiHow won't teach you anything," Delia scoffed.

"Apparently, neither will you," Lydia muttered under her breath.

"That's because you're not listening!"

Lydia shifted the gear stick into drive and pressed down on the accelerator, startling Delia. The car started moving, and sooner than Lydia had expected, they were on the road.

"Hold on, Lydia, you're going too fast," Delia told her (making sure her own seatbelt was tightened). "Try driving at a— steadier pace—"

"I promise you, Delia, I've got this," the sixteen-year-old said coolly. "What's going to mess me up is if you keep talking in my ear."

Delia blinked. "All right, then. If you're sure you've got this."

"Pretty sure." Lydia checked the mirror again. All seemed to be going smoothly. She was picking this up quicker than she'd thought. How hard could driving be?

They continued down the road in a straight line, just like that. Until they came to the part where it split off in two separate directions. One went left and one went right. Lydia immediately froze. She hadn't planned ahead for corners.

Delia noticed her. "Oh, let me guess," she said, catching Lydia's eye in the rearview mirror. "Miss high-and-mighty doesn't know what to do."

"You're supposed to be helping me, not making fun of me!" Lydia replied crossly.

"I'm sorry, it was you who said, and I quote, 'I promise you, Delia. I've got this!'"

"Well, I did then, but I don't now," she huffed. "Come on, there's a car behind us. What do I do?!"

"You have to turn the steering wheel," Delia reminded her. "But you've got to be moving first. So, move!"

Lydia glanced at her nervously. "What if I don't have enough space here? Do I need to put it in reverse first?"

Before waiting for an answer, her hand flew to the gear shift and pushed it to reverse. "Lydia, wait—" Delia spun around to see the car behind them, the driver of which was waiting irritatedly. He didn't see them as they backed up. "Watch out!" Delia shouted.

"What?" Lydia yelled back, right before their car collided with the front of the one behind them. Lydia looked in the rearview mirror and then realized what happened.

"Lydia, you just hit their car!"

"I didn't mean to!" she cried helplessly. The reality of the situation settled in and they both started screaming. "Am I gonna go to jail?!"

"They don't send 16-year-olds to jail!" said Delia. "You're going to go to juvie."

"What do I do now? I'm seriously panicking, Delia! I've never been in a car crash before! Do we get out?"

Delia shot another look backwards before impatiently tapping Lydia on the shoulder. "We're switching seats!" she hissed. "I'm going to drive us out of here."

"Delia!"

"Quick, I'm not letting my stepdaughter get arrested!" Lydia obeyed and Delia quickly took her place. "Now let's move it!"

She shifted the car back to drive and made the turn swiftly, just barely missing the curb as they sped away. Lydia turned around, her heart pounding. "Are we going to get in trouble?"

"Not if nobody finds out about this," Delia said wickedly. Soon the other car and the corner were long out of sight. "All right. We'll circle the block a couple of times until we know it's safe to go back home."

Lydia nodded furiously. She couldn't believe what Delia had just done, but she was also kind of impressed.

When they finally decided they could go home, Charles was just getting back from work. He saw them pull up as he was unlocking the front door.

"Hi, you two!" he called. "How did the driving lesson go?"

Delia and Lydia shared a look. A look that said, let's not go into the details.

"It was great." Lydia got out of the car and Charles frowned.

"Wait, why was Delia driving?"

"How was your day, honey?" Delia said quickly before he could ask any more questions. They all went inside and, thankfully, he didn't bring up the driving lesson again. Lydia and Delia were glad to leave this little incident, well, behind them.