I Don't Belong Here (Levi x reader)

The Kiss

"What the hell, (L/N)!?" His voice booms, his chair skidding across the floorboards behind him as he stands furiously.

"What the hell else am I supposed to do here? Wait around for another titan attack and become helpless all over again? Roam around the city and waste my life?"

"I can protect you if another titan attack comes. You don't have to hurt yourself training to become a cadet!"

We immediately start arguing, and rightfully so. I stand as well, slightly taller than he is. I may be on the smaller size, but my attitude is twice my size.

"How the hell are you supposed to protect me when you're fighting on the front lines, huh? Why is protecting me so damn important? And don't say it's because you vowed to save humanity. Don't spin that crap on me this time, Ackerman." I say, pointing in his face.

"Be careful where you point those fingers, brat. I can easily break them in half."

"Woah, that doesn't sound very heroic!"

He suddenly takes the collar of my robe and pushes me up against the wall, his face not inches from mine. He doesn't break eye contact.

"You have no idea what you're doing or what you're getting into, (L/N). This stops now."

I chuckle, trying a new approach at getting a real answer from him. "Why, afraid I'll be better at it than you?"

He lets go of my robe and slams both hands, palm-side, against the wall behind me. He looks down for a moment, resting his weight on one of his hips. He looks up at me, moving his lips right next to my ear and says softly, "No one is better than me."

Flustered, I push him away from me. "Alright, that's it. Tell me. You complain that I shouldn't put myself in any situation that can cause any sort of potential harm, claiming that you'll protect me, but then you go and get mad and give me the cold shoulder. Then you fucking whisper in my ear?"

To my surprise, a slight smirk tugs at one corner of his mouth. "You... (L/N), you would be a fantastic cadet. You listen to your comrades, the others trust you, you're confident and disobedient. That's why I can't let you fight."

Surprised, I look at him wide-eyed. "So... what then?"

"I couldn't..." He begins, the smirk recedes and is replaced by a frown, "I couldn't risk losing someone like that again."

"Again?"

"It's in the past. I'd rather not repeat it." He says coldly, then begins to walk towards the door.

"What did she mean to you?" I call after him.

He stops dead in his tracks, and turns to me with shock written all over his face. "How dare you..." He says, stalking towards me again.

"She must have meant everything to you, didn't she? And you'd rather feel nothing than to relive that loss again." This stops him, his eyes glossy with tears. He swallows hard, holding back his pain.

"I'm sorry I pressured you into telling me why you were so intimate and caring about my injury. It was out of place and not aligned with your inquiry about me." I say humbly as I look down at my bandaged hands.

"If I follow what I feel, it would only lead to pain. I caught myself in a weak moment earlier, (L/N). Know that even though I refuse to follow through, I'll always be here to protect you. Do as you wish. It's not my place to stop you." He says, this time not making eye contact with me and instead, holding my hands in his.

"By denying how you feel to protect me, don't you also think it's hurting me too? What about how I feel?"

"Huh?" He asks, looking up at me with sensual eyes and slightly parted lips. I reach to cup his face with my hand, but hesitate. 

"by staying away from me, you're hurting me." I let my hand fall back down to my side.

"Don't say that to me." He says, shaking his head. My heart is pounding against my chest.

"Why is it my fault that I don't have self control if you're the one who started this?" I place my hand on the side of his face this time, determined to have him let me in.

"What do you want?" He asks harshly.

"Try it. Please, just for a moment. If you then feel nothing, move on, and I won't speak of it to anyone. Trust me."

"And if I do feel something? What the hell then, (L/N)?"

"I-"

He pulls me in with the hand he's still holding while wrapping his other arm around my waist. His lips are warm and soft against mine, careful not to give to much. He's hesitant, then leans into the kiss more. He inhales through his nose, and holds it as he slowly releases me from him.

We look into each other's eyes for what seemed like ten whole minutes, but it's the briefest of moments before he backs away from me, resting his back against the wall and closing his eyes. His head tilts slightly up, making his hair bunch against the wall slightly and his jawline stick out.

"What the hell are you doing to me, (L/N)?" He says, finally exhaling his entire breath.

"Levi..." I say his first name to his face for the first time. His eyes spark open and he looks at me blankly. "I'm sorry, should I not have-"

"Say it again." He demands, pulling himself from the wall.

"Huh?"

"Say my name again."

I let his name roll off my tongue with emotion behind it coming from deep in my chest, saying it slowly and with a tiny bit of a seductive tone. "Levi."

"Fuck..." He says, grabbing my waist to pull me back into him. My body hits his hard, but he pulls me even tighter into him. His lips linger across mine lightly, careful not to touch completely. "I can't." He says abruptly, letting me go.

"Why not? Please, why not?"

"Because whatever fateful god has me by the neck is doing this just to spite me. You cannot be real, you can't be who I want you to be. I won't take that risk."

I look at him in a complete daze, my heart still pounding. "What do you mean I'm not real?" I ask, my heart beating even harder under my chest. I know I don't belong here, and whether I wake up from this dream first or die and shock myself awake, I'd be leaving him again.

"I've watched you go from some scared brat in a tree to someone who wants to fight back. Someone who doesn't take no for an answer, even from me. I see your potential, all of it. And a part of me doesn't want to give it to you."

"Because you don't want to lose me? Is that it? I understand. I know we haven't had the best start, you and I. I'm not sure what made you have a change of heart about me, I don't even really understand why you want me, to be honest."

Levi takes my hands in his, resting his forehead against mine. "I know. It hasn't been very long, but, that day you tried to train and you found me there instead... I saw something in you that I don't see very often."

"And what's that?"

"Myself."