I Don't Belong Here (Levi x reader)

The Guilt

I finish my food in silence, then set the empty dish on the nightstand next to me. Levi picks it up and carries it to the kitchen, and I hear him wash the dishes. What a neat freak...

He returns, pausing by the bed next to me. "Would... would you like me to wrap your ribs better? It will help you sleep." He offers.

"Well, I can't do it myself..." I say, trying to sit up. His hands jump to my shoulders keeping me in place. "Levi, I'm alright. I want to know how able I am, it will give me a good idea of how much healing I'll have ahead of me."

He barely relaxes, standing back up straight. I swing my legs over the side of the mattress and rest my weight on my hands. I try to push myself up while he watches, almost in pain from not helping. I struggle a moment, then give up.

"Ugh... it's the exertion of using my abs to get up. I'm... I'm not strong enough." I say in defeat, holding my bruised ribs.

"You are strong enough. Just... not with two fractured ribs and almost all of them bruised. Let me help you, (F/N)."

I look up at him with puppy eyes, and he scoots a wooden chair right up in front of me and sits down on it. His slim, cool fingers brush against my skin a little as he unfastens the bandage, my shirt fabric stuck in it's crinkled state from being bonded for so long. 

"I know it's tempting, but try not to inhale too deeply right now."

"Okay." I say at a whisper, concentrating so hard on my breath and keeping it even.

The bandage is off, and I feel even weaker. I can't keep my back straight, but it hurts to slouch. I look at Levi with glossy eyes, holding back from breaking down in pain. He sees the anguish, and quickly unfolds a new bandage. I have no idea where he got it from, but it looks so clean and white like it had never been used before.

"To better rap your ribs so the fractures don't shift and break I... the bandage... it needs to be against your skin. Not your shirt."

"Oh..." I say, surprised at how flustered I got when the thought of not having my shirt on around Levi entered my mind. "Okay then, let me just..." I say, beginning to unfasten the buttons of my shirt, starting at the top. I watch myself unbutton the shirt, noticing his eyes darting from his own hands to mine. His cheeks turn pink and I can tell he's trying to be respectful. 

Once the buttons are undone and my skin is showing all but what my bra covers, I find myself stuck. "Uh... Levi?"

"Hm?" He says, not looking at me. His cheeks are still pink.

"I can't... I can't get it off my shoulders. Can you do it?" I ask him. The way my arms need to bend in order to shimmy the shirt off my shoulders hurts too much. "It's ok... you can look."

His eyes scan up my torso quickly to my face. He sets the bandage down next to me and takes the collar of my shirt while leaning over my knees, and slides it down slowly. His neck is close to me cheek as he moves closer to me the further he pushes my shirt down my arms. I wince, sucking in a short breath and clenching my eyes shut.

"I'm sorry..." He says, pulling away and checking my face to make sure I'm ok.

"You're fine, I think I got it... shit!" I wince again, my muscles rubbing against one of the fractures.

"Let me do it, brat." He says, leaning back over to help me. It's finally off, and he tosses my shirt onto the other bed. He picks up the bandage and holds the end against my side. "Hold this here." He instructs. I hold the bandage in place as he begins to wrap the cloth around my torso, getting so close to me as he does that he's nearly embracing me every time he passes the fabric behind my back. I hold my arms up as high as I can, and my pain decreases the more he wraps my ribcage. 

When he finishes, he sits back into his chair and releases a breath he had been holding. "Thank you. It feels much more secure." I say honestly.

"I'm just relieved you're up and talking and... conscious. You really scared me back there."

"I know... I just knew what I was capable of and I couldn't just sit there." He chuckles, creasing his cheek with a smirk.

"I know that feeling. Where ever it is that you came from, you really do belong here now."

I bow my head, remembering how I got here in the first place. I was just innocently falling asleep in my own reality, then found myself in some weird dream-in-between that keeps getting more real the longer I stay. Truth is, I don't belong here. I don't belong in this world.

"Oi, (F/N). Whatever you're thinking about that's burdening you, cut it out. I don't like seeing that look on your face." He says, suddenly close to me again and lifting my chin up with two fingers so that I look at him.

"What look?" I ask, curious as to what expression that thought gives off.

"The one where you look like you're about to blame yourself for everything."

"But it is my fault. If I had just stayed inside the wall, if I hadn't been in that tree, if I had just stayed where I belonged in the first place..." I express, my voice cracking.

"Stop!" He says, his voice booming. It startles me, and I stop to look at him. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry... "Do you know what would have happened if you stayed behind? We would have been ambushed by something we know nothing about. We would have been done for, we would have died. All of us. You saved us, (F/N). You... you saved me."

"A life for a life, Levi." I say, smiling up at him. His hand moves from my chin to the side of my face, and he pulls me closer to him. His lips hover over mine for a moment, before I close the gap. His hesitance was almost like he was asking for permission, and I was a fool if I didn't grant it.