Predestined

| Moving On |

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Mishal

I was in the same London park that Sarib and I had taken baby Maaz what seemed like eons ago. The weather was warm, and a cloudless light blue sky smiled down at me, accompanied by the warm rays of the summer sun. The smell of freshly mown grass hung heavily in the air, and a few yards away from where I stood, I heard the sound of buzzing as bees circled some roses growing nearby.

"What are you afraid of?" 

I whirled around at the unexpected voice, and saw Sarib walking up to me, holding the hand of my present Maaz. My husband was talking to our son, looking down at him fondly.

"The sky." Maaz pointed upwards, tilting his head back to look up. "What if it falls down on us?" 

Sarib laughed warmly. "Don't worry, there's no danger of that."  He reached down and lifted Maaz up in his arms, kissing our son's cheek. Then he looked directly at me. "It's late. You and Maaz should head back home." 

"It's not late!" I protested. "Look how brightly the sun..." I blinked and suddenly it was dark, after sunset, and the three of us still stood in the same spot in the park under the streetlights. "How...?" 

"It's been too long, Meesh." Sarib said, softly. "Go back. Take Maaz with you." 

"What about you?" I asked.

"Clinging onto the past will prevent you from a bright future, Meesh." Sarib said, as Maaz snuggled his face into the crook of his father's neck. 

"My future should have been with you! I planned it all with you!"

"But Allah had different plans. And His plans are always better than our plans." Sarib kissed the side of our son's head. "While the heart forever holds links to the departed, we should not keep ourselves bound to them." He gave me a small, sad smile. "Go home, Mishal."

"How can I go home without you? We created a home created together!" I cried out, feeling my eyes blur with tears.

"A house, money, cars, wealth are all materialistic things. They come and go, but what truly matters is the bond that we form with our loved ones. The beautiful thing about a human heart, Meesh, is that it is capable of loving again, no matter how it initially feels. Because no matter what, emotions remain with humans in their lifetime, and in my opinion, the strongest emotion of all is love." 

"You want me to remarry?" I stared at him in disbelief.

"I want you to do whatever makes you happy, whatever is best for you and Maaz. I want you to unlock the chains that are tying you to your grief, and to live freely and unburdened." He placed a hand on my cheek while carrying our son in his other arm. "To live with a second love is possible, but to live with grief is unbearable." 

"Allah Hu Akbar Allah Hu Akbar!" The sound of the Adhan made me look up towards the sky, and I was surprised to see the hint of dawn appearing on the horizon.

"The dark days are over, Meesh. Allow yourself to shrug off the shadow of grief and step towards light with Maaz." 

I looked back down and suddenly found myself alone again. As I watched, the sky begin to lighten up, the sun spreading out its rays in all directions, and a thin layer of mist surrounded me, creating a beautiful, early morning environment.

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I woke up to hear the distance sound of the Fajr Adhan and I lay in bed on my back, staring up at the ceiling. A lone tear escaped my eye and rolled down the side of my face onto the pillow.