Never Have I Ever Season 3: an alternative theory

Chapter 10: Part 2

Guys, I'm commenting here because I wanted to apologise in advance that I wrote over 5000 words for this chapter😬... I know it's long... I hope I did ok, but this is as good as I could do with the time I had... it's not the last chapter but will lead to the last one... anyway, hope you guys are well, and enjoy❤ Xxxx all♡♡♡♡

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Devi had arrived outside Zoey's beautiful large house for her party, accompanied by El.

She had arrived dressed in a beautiful crimson dress El had let her pick from her wardrobe, that had ruffled trims to the skirt that ended just an inche above her knees. The dress hugged at the waist, and the long v-neckline let expose the delicate necklace that drapes about her neck. El had come a little more glamorous, a floral midi dress that flowed beautifully to her ankles and matches her heels.

Fab, on the other hand, had not joined them, already having made plans with Eve and her friends for the night.
So it were Devi and El, and Devi stood there on the wide open porch with an over excited El who had enquired on numerous occasions if they would find Trent there- mostly on the drive up in Sharon's (El's step mom) mini red Honda.

The entrance to house was dazzling, covered in glittering tinsel hangings, and brightly coloured streamers, decorated with many colourful ballons and some fairy lights, it almost seemed kind of a dream. The polished wooden floors gleamed and every arch in the house made it the more glamorous.
Devi hadn't known Zoey's family were wealthy, it never occurred to her, but her parties already seemed much fancier than Trent's or Marcus's.
As they step further in, Devi learns it had actually been her birthday, reading the Happy Birthday backdrop that is surrounded by a garland of golden ballons and fluffy white pom poms.

It's not long before Trent finds them, and in turn, disappears off with El when Devi had gone to get herself a drink from a stand, returning only to find neither of them sitting by or near the couch she had left them.
She mutters under her breath, wondering what she would do without El... in this huge house with so many new faces.
And as she darts her gaze around, it comes fleetingly past Paxton, when his eyes stop on her. Her gaze comes back to him and they lock.
His suprised to see her, that is clear, when his eyes widen and his face crinkles at her in suprise.
He clearly hadnt expected to see her here...
Her heart knots when he begins to make his way over, rubbing at the nape of his neck.
Smiling as he gains closer, he does a little nod of his head, acknowledging her, just before he stops infront of her, a beer in hand.
Her cheeks feel undeniably hot, and a bitter taste creeps to the edge of her mouth as a result of her nerves- wondering why he would be approaching her and what it were he were actually coming over to say.
"Hey. How are you?" he asks, his smile is so tender and light, she had forgotten how things could be so relaxed between them.
"Good." She replies, taking a sip of her own drink, trying to hide how her cheeks bloom red.
"So... didnt think you would be here... you do know this is Zoey's houses, right?" He pinches his lips together to hold back the wide smile that wanted to grow, his eyes watching her questioningly.
Devi's lips part at first, struck for words, then they pull into a smile.
"Well... you know me... I'm unpredictable... and in some cases- like today- end up in places or circumstances I had not expected."
He cracks her a wide grin...before it does turn into a hesitant look.
"Listen." he starts, letting the word hang a little before continuing- which Devi does not like.
He tries not to loose his smile in the process, and then looks away for a brief moment. Licking the inside of his lips as his gaze comes back to her he tries to collect his thoughts, and thinks of what he wanted to say. "Sorry. Devi. You know-" He starts, his exhale turning into a deep sigh before going on. "About how things turned out."
She purses her lips into a thin tight smile, and nods.
"Yeah... me too."
They share a brief moment of comfortable silence, before Devi lifts her gaze back up to him.
"Not that its any of my business, but your seeing Aneesa now, right?"
He brackets his lips, thinking carefully about what he should say.
"Yes and no... but, not really? I don't know, I told her I need time to figure some things out first. Before... you know, I could make a good... hmm... I don't know... a boyfriend to anyone, I guess."
Devi's eyes grow, suprised.
"Oh. Ok."
"But... I did need to know something..." he says. He worries at his lip, contemplating a little how to ask. "Do... do you think it's possible... that we could still be friends?" His voice laced with some worry. "I don't think I've had a better friend than...I think?... you? You helped me achieve alot... and you helped me grow. I want us to be friends... even if that's all we are or will be... you know... from now on?."
Devi huffs out, a little suprised and astonished smile.
"Yeah ofcourse." she replies instantly, feeling all her worries and anxieties between them slip away.
And she breaths out a sigh of contentment and relief, her smile growing, almost beaming at him.
He gives her a bright smile, before he hears his name being called. He whips round to find Marcus.
"Yo Paxton, come watch Eddie jump into the pool with nothing on... he lost out in our bet." Marcus gestures for him to hurry, and Paxton shrugs his shoulders, and wiggles his brows playfully at Devi making her laugh, before his dashed off.
"Devi." She hears Zoey as she approaches. "You came. I'm so glad- so can I talk to you?"
Before Devi knew it or can reply, Zoey is already pulling her by the arm, outside, and over to the quietest part of her spacious glamorous backyard... and once her mouth opens Devi is being inundated and drowned in gossip and endlessly talk of Paxton... She needs to get away... she needs to escape...
When Shira appears, Devi makes her move and takes up the chance to begin to nudge herself away, then finally making an excuse to grab herself another drink... the girls barely even notice she is gone and Devi can finally breath...
She really did not need to hear how hot Zoey thinks her ex is, or questions about how serious Devi thinks he were over Aneesa...
She needed to find El otherwise this night would be a very long night!
She callopses back on the couch she had hoped El would have returned to, but she hadnt... and Devi had once again been left alone... and... also realising she were already on her second drink?...
Her head already started to feel a little woozy, but it was ok, she was still sober... or probably just the slightest bit tipsy?... what was her plan to get back home again? Sharon?... she thinks about how she shouldn't be going home either tipsy or drunk... her mother would kill her...
Where had El gone?- her mind whines, as she runs her chin against her wrist, agitated.
And as she looks up the world seemed to slow... maybe she had been far more drunk than she had realised but her heart was racing, and it was beginning to pound heavier upon sight of... Ben...
Ben had always been the boy that seemed to set her nerves alight- in both bad and good ways- but here he was and her face was burning up, bright and red and alight upon seeing him... and she doesnt know why!
Maybe it had been all the alcohol coarsing through her veins or something, but the way Ben Gross had showed up to Zoey's party... he had looked so damn eye catching, her eyes couldn't seem to pry away from him... her skin flusters and she's confused if it's the tension built between them or a mixture of something else, but her blood were rushing to her head and she couldnt seem to think properly... it's infuriating her!
Ok, so he had been dressed nicely, and the way he wonders on in so placid and collected- something that infuriated her further as if he hadn't a care in the world... had he remembered he ruined her life?!
Oliver beside him, and his other friends mingle around beside them...
Why had Ben looked so damn good tonight- she wonders, as she fidgets with the hem of her skirt- she's cursing herself for looking and she wants to rip any feelings she has for him right off her skin! She cant think that way, he had been an ass to her!
It's the alcohol... its clearly the alcohol impeding her ability to think... she's blaming all that's happening to her, right now, on the alcohol... she needs to stop... she needs to stop letting her eyes from shamelessly trailing over the curves of his arms, from watching his bicep and muscles flex and move under the brim of those rolled up sleeves of his expensive shirt... shit Devi, stop- she tells herself- she's being ridiculous! She needs to get him out of her head?! She blushes red, forcing herself to look away...
No... no... she wasn't checking out her arch nemesis who she promised she would never look at again!
But her gaze is brought back to him, and... this time his hands slides into his pockets- appearing a little more apprehensive... a little anxious even, she notes...
A slight look of worry crosses Ben and his stark blue eyes laced with a hint of timidity -she thinks she rarely seen with Ben- searches the room...
Oliver juts his chin over toward Devi and Ben's bright eyes are brought to her... the tip of his ears almost flare red when their eyes meet, and his eyes widen...
Oliver leans over and has a few words with him, before patting his back and leaving him behind, wondering off after his other friends who mingle with the crowd.
Ben's wide eyes lock with Devis'... the cerulean blue of his eyes has a world in them that makes hers want to stop...
He tenses up- the tension thick and palpable, it thrums and fills the air with so much in it it makes it harder for him the breath, feeling like his breath were a little caught in his throat- but his eyes do not look away, held sturdy and firm to hers...
He feels his palms sweat, his heart race, and Devi can tell his clearly thinking... pensively...
He had come here because he knew she were going to be here... but it was not like he had a particular plan of what he wanted to do... just that he knew he wanted to be where he knew she were going to be... and that here, maybe, it wouldn't need to feel as tense as it had at school... possibly...
His eyes take the opportunity to flicker over her, assess her a little... his eyes soften and molten like he were seeing her for the first time in such a long time, his heart melting deep in his chest...
They had not spoken in over a week... and avoiding each other in school corridors and all their classes, was not easy but it was done... and, maybe, this had felt like this was the first time he could look at her properly, swelling and flooding up all kinds of emotions up deep inside him he had promised to force down- instead his mouth nervously curls up in the corner into an awkward smile to hide what he were really feeling- all the feelings that were wrecking haplessly inside...
He can see her... but he knew he couldn't have her... and it were like swallowing down sharp broken shards of glass knowing that he couldn't say or do anything... painful...
Her gaze suddenly breaks from him when she feels as someone drops down beside her, spreading an arm over the headrest of the couch and leaning back... Ben still clear in her view.
A face she had briefly just noticed today, only because she had noticed him eyeing her earlier... but the boy had been someone she had never met before.
"Hey, are you Devi?" The boy questions, an enthusiasm in his tone Devi wasnt particularly attuned to, having taken her by suprise...
Devi may have had a drink or two, but his breath already smelt a tinge stronger of alcohol then maybe even hers, and she gives him a tense fake smile, already thinking up of plans on how to ditch him.
But then she realises, it may be whats keeping Ben from walking over... if she let him stay it will only prevent Ben from making his way to her...
And as she had predicted, it had worked.
She peaks over the boys shoulder, seeing Ben bracing an arm against the wall still watching her... he tries to remain there sturdly- but becomes kind of klutzy leaning against the wall, and slides off, then pretends to fix up his shirt, ignoring how ridiculous he had just felt.
But as his eyes cross hers again, the intensity in his eyes- turmoiled, cut and annoyed- it hitches the air in her lungs, and she's trying to pry her eyes away.
He rubs the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger as he thinks and walks himself over toward a stool by the kitchen counter and sits himself there hastily, were he could still see them.
When Devi catches the expression on his face as he looks back over to her with a sturdy, firm gaze... the hurt that crosses his face... something painful and raw, she looks away... it's making her blood boil... infact, it makes her insides burn, really... she finds her fist balling to one side- on the other hand she clutches at her bottle a little too tightly- trying to contain herself and biting back everything to stop herself from storming over to him- he doesnt get to feel that way!
She's furious- she thinks she could break something- he doesnt get the right to feel that way or make 'her' feel any way!... No, no, no- why does he get to make her feel sad, guilty, or angry? His the reason Paxton and her broke up!- Had been the reason for the many arguments and everything that went downhill from there?! Ben shouldnt have tried to do what he had- make her bottled up feelings explode out of her like he had done with everything else about her!... He just couldnt play with her like this! He couldnt play with her feelings all the damn well time!
Infact! She should have just forgotten him!...
...why couldn't her mind just do that?!...
His still watching her, and his gaze flicker over her, still trying to assess her.
Then his brows shoot up and eyes widen in response when she takes a long swig of her drink, scolding her second bottle down in one go out of pure frustration!
He worries a hand through his hair, it then dragging along down the side of his face, like he had been poundering quickly, gearing himself for something... to maybe shoot over to her or something- she doesnt know... the thought that she doesnt know stresses her- so her gaze drops and darts back up to the boy now stiffly sitting infront of her... her vision alittle wonky.
His eyes also widen too with astonishment, and suprise... and his seriously impressed at how she had took down her drink so quickly.
"Woah. Slow down... your drinking a beer, right?"
"Yeah. It's alright." she say, choking a little on a twinge of nerves, exchanging glances from the boy to Ben then back. "Isnt that what people do when parties get boring like this?" she quips, then does her best to smirk.
"Am I boring you?" He smirks back, leaning closer. Her eyes grow, wondering why he had still seemed interested... had he not just witnessed her disgustingly scolded down an entire beer like she had come back from alcoholic anonymous?...
The churning in her stomach intensifies... it twists, and knots, and she's clentching her bottle tighter... had he known she had just gone through a recent break up? I mean, it were with Paxton, everyone knew about Paxton- but why were she still willing to go along with this as long as it kept Ben's prying annoying face out of her way?- she thinks to herself.
Her gaze flits to Ben briefly then back.
She shrugs her shoulders, returning a steady gaze as she could, the alcohol already seeming to take its affect, she has noticed... possibly also terribly impeding her sense of judgement.
"I dont know, I didnt even get your name." She says, puttering her lashes, pretending to play along.
"Hi. I'm Hayden." He extends a hand with a grin, which Devi takes and they shake. "Hey... someone told me your not with Paxton anymore and... I was thinking... if your free?" He lingers on his last three word. "could I maybe get your number?"
Her eyes flit over to Ben, again, instinctively.
His eyes flicker about the room with something rugged and coarse like he had been ticked off. But as they meet hers again, they suddenly stop... the same intensity returning- the cerulean blue gleamering like it were the stormy ocean itself- but held so firm and stable to hers like he had been wishing her gaze would stay on him...
She bites the side of her cheek- pleased she had ticked him off- pulling her gaze away, bringing her attention back to the boy that sits infront of her with a patient smile... even if her heart had been hammering inside her chest on thoughts of Ben-
"Sure."
The boy's smile cracks into a grin and he takes out his phone, passing it to her. Devi types in her number and calls her phone, and passes it back so he could save her details.
When she looks up and her vision briefly passes Ben, he looks like his about to get up off from his seat and leave but... something stops him... and he sits himself back down.
"Hey, wait here while I get you another drink?"
She nods at Hayden as he gets up leaving Ben and Devi to openly gaze at each other.
He bites back his bottom lip, pushing... and also stopping himself-
His eyes bright and luminous, so many emotions swim and crossing his face... and he freezes there... not knowing what to do.
Devi feels the tension coil in the pit of her stomach, the tension awkwardly stifling her too, she could barely move...
She's had two full beers now, it could be the drinks but the tension feels unbearable... and his eyes so bright and vivid, and how they could make her feel everything and yet so angry at the exact same time! she's pretty certain her head would implode with thoughts of him if Hayden doesn't return soon...
Her breathing picks up pace- her heart racing- and she thinks the world had gone mute with all this tension!- and then Devi can't take it any long- she jumps to her feet, storming over with anger flashing her eyes... a little bit understandably wobbly on her feet as the floor-in her vision- seemed to move!
Ben shuffles stiffly in his seat, as he watches her stalk over with widened strides, a glare flustering her face.
"What are you doing?" She snaps, planting a hand to the counter, to stop her head from woozing and world from spinning. He gives her a shakey smile at first, caught off guard a little, not knowing if she would have come to him.
"David, I was sitting here, I didnt mean to-"
"Why are you staring at me? Why cant you sit somewhere else?" She rasps, angrily.
"I can sit where ever I want to, Devi, this isnt your house-"
"It may not be but I was here first and so... so you should find somewhere else to sit." She says sternly, placing a hand to her hip... pretending not to notice the hurt that flickers over his face.
His brows then furrow on her...
Her gaze frantically flits over him, impatiently, like she had been waiting for him to move.
He groans, lifting to his feet, and she thinks his about leave when he digs his hands into his pockets stubbornly. He steps an inche closer to her, and swallows.
"Why can you- can we-?" he stops with a deflated sigh, and he cant complete his question, his voice thick, and heavy... and he has to clear it.
His tone had been so strained and painful... and broken, making her own heart pound differently, making her feel the slightest bit more dizzy too.
He catches how her expression changes, a gentler softness to her... the look that could melt him sometimes and give him hope...
She blinks, ignoring the way he looks back at her now... reminding herself of why she had walked over in the first place.
"Why are you here... at Zoey's party?" She tries to sound short and flat.
"I-I was sort of wondering the same. You and Zoey arent friends."
"She invited me. She must think something of me... how about you? How did you bribe your way in here? Or did you crash the party?" she questions, arching a brow at him, questioningly.
He sighs, annoyed. "I promised Oliver I... I would come." He shrugs his shoulders, telling her half the truth. "Did you want me to go?"
"I don't care what you do." She says curtly, jutting her chin and looking away. "And you should stop acting like a lost puppy with those big eyes- that isnt helping you, Ben...you won't see any sympathy from me, that's for sure, if that's what your here for." She says, as she turns to see if Hayden had returned.
She tries taking her first step away when she feels his warm hand wrap around her wrist, keeping her there.
She turns back rapidly to face him, ready to fire. He cuts in before she does, groaning, annoyed that she were ready to return back to a guy whose about to offer her more alochol...
"Devi, your already drunk- you- just dont- dont let him give you more-" He stammers, desparately trying to find the words that would stop her. She clenches down on her jaw and jabs her finger into his chest angrily.
"Dont tell me what I can do Ben-" she rasps.
"I'm not- I'm not trying to do that." He growls low and quiet, his breathing a little heavy hoping she would listen, his tone laced with frustration... but had almost started to sound tired. "Is this you- you trying to get back at me, Devi?"
Oh, and the question only triggers her more, only igniting a much wilder fire inside her...
She ignores as Hayden calls her name from the couch, her eyes solely focused and narrowed onto Ben... like there was no one else but the two of them standing there... alone.
She growls stepping closer toward him again.
"Ben! Get this straight! It's not always about you!" She snaps, clenching her teeth. "So no, you haven't even crossed my mind. I don't think about you."
It's a lie... as clear as day and she knows it...
His always on her mind... whether angered thoughts, confused ones... and more... in ways that seem to hurt her right now too...
Her mind is consumed in confounded thoughts of him so much it hurts... she hates him for what he'd done between her and Paxton, but she's trying to drown out any part of her that still wants to desparately cling on to how she feels for him... to certain feeling that make her heart want to pound with something so deep and longing for him... something that refuses to die down...
Because even after all that he'd done... his kiss, his touch... the way he looks at her... they are all the same as he had in Malibu.
She wants to believe she can let him go... but thoughts of him continously still pulse through her veins, through her blood, through her system... like he were etched into her somehow... and she still thinks about how he felt when his lips so soft and slow melted to hers... made her heart explode when their lips touched and she could feel every burning sensation invade her...
... maybe noone could ever make her feel the way Ben made... makes... her feel...
His eyes flash with hurt and anger, his lips parting... then coming together and tightening to her words.
"I dont believe you."
This angers her more and she takes a step even closer toward him, and when she tries to jab him with a finger again, he stops her short... catching her hand... cupping her hand into his own... balling it up with his... holding it...
It had been a bold move but Devi doesnt know why, but she lets him.
He draws her closer... they almost touch... his eyes roaming over her cautiously but curiously... searching her eyes intently.
"Why did you kiss me then? Why did you kiss me back, Devi?" He questions.
His expression hardens trying to hide the softness he felt. "Not just once, either." He reminds her... hurt suddenly flicker over his face.
Devi swallows roughly, gazing back... his eyes more vivid... more luminous then she ever remembered them... and she couldnt seem to break her gaze away from them...
They were so bright... brighter and more luminous than a moon on a darkened night... they watch her like she were the only thing that ever existed...
She's finding it harder to breath.
Her stomach churning even more now, set on by powerful emotions, and she prays she won't loose control, the alcohol already wrecking havoc...
His breath grazes her skin, reminding her of how close he was... it lingers against her skin, sending tingles along her spine. His gaze hoovers over her, making her mind- her heart want to implode with how they sparkle at her like they had been a universe to gaze into filled with dazzling stars... all waves of radiant cosmic blues intertwined into them...
His holding onto one hand as long as she lets him... her words escaping her before she realised they were being said.
"I-I... I don't know." she murmurs back, her thoughts and judgement impeded, all the blood thrumming at her ears.
She clears her throat, getting a better bearing of herself... trying again, certain of what she says this time. "I don't know." She repeats more certain this time.
She clears her throat again. "It doesnt matter, because what you did-" she swallows before she continues... the look on Ben's eyes... she knows his trying to not look away... to break their gaze so she couldnt see the pain that flashes through his eyes again...
"Devi," he says trying to stop her... but the way he says her name kindled with warmth- she has to stop and remind herself to harden her heart and not let it dissolve her into million of pieces again-
He changes his tone slightly, more firm. "I screwed up, I know- yes- I did- ok... I was wrong, what else can I say- what else do you want me to say? but its what happened." He says the last part a little exasperated. "Because Devi..." he groans. "You- you... you hid how you felt? You ran away from confronting how you feel- you always do."
He winces as he looks away, then brings his gaze back. "Everything is such a mess- Im such a mess." He mumbles. Then his eyes come back to her, his eyes glinting sadly. "I never believed you would ever... ever... choose me over Paxton. You always saw him. And yet you choose to hold onto me for some reason... All that didnt make sense, and even after all that happened, Devi, I found out that you were going to choose me-"
She growls, stepping back, frustrated that he were bringing all this up again.
"I'm not perfect Ben, and I have made mistakes... I cheated on you, I hurt you... but I had been trying not to screw up again. And then you come along and... and-"
"Well if you would have only told people the truth-"
"You should of never done what you did!"
"I know! I know that now! But I couldnt stop my mind- thinking about you- driving me insane with thoughts of you and what Eleanor had said- and how you should have never been with Paxton- that it should have been me all along! Im sorry-"
"Well I had always thoughts about you too Ben! Infact! I even cried my eyes out when you and Aneesa started seeing each other! But did I just go up to you and kiss the day light out of you while you had been with her?! No! Because, you know why Ben?! My heart may have been tearing itself up inside- hell I think my heart is even in love with you- but I knew it was wrong and I didn't do it! And you were a jerk! And even if my mind tortured me endlessly that you had been kissing someone else or maybe even sleeping with them-" she stops seeing Ben's face contort with shock... his mouth dropped open, and drys... froozen, agape...
His brilliant blue wide eyes search hers...
She feels a squeezing of her heart, suddenly feeling nauseous, strangely exposed... starting to realise what she had just said...
His mouth a little too dry to utter another word... and then he licks his lips, dumbly opening and closely his mouth... he tilts his head, stammering for words...
"D-did... d-did y-you... just say-"
She cuts him off, closing her eyes putting out a hand to stop him, her head swirling- her stomach swirling- she wraps the other hand around her stomach- and she thinks if she says another word she may heave... she needs to run and leave... and she rushes away, leaving Ben still standing there too stunned to move.