Our love

My Whole Heart

"Talk to me" Sebastian bites. Staring at me widely with pure irritation. I slowly turn my gaze to him and yawn with  exhaustion. Even though I haven't slept in 3 days my body wont allow itself to completely calm down. Every time I close my eyes and lay with nothing but myself, all I can think about is him.

"There isn't anything to say" I answer lowly.
Marcus is stood in front of me with both his hands clasped over his crotch. He's always has this intimating glisten in his eyes. I find it funny, that being the only highlight of my day. I nudge him with my hand and relax when he turns to me in pity. "Why do you guys act like I'm gonna die" I hum, the only soul to laugh at my pretty ugly joke.

"Because every time anyone ever sees you that's what they think has happened" Marcus spits back. No remorse, just amazing. I nod softly and lean back into the fence, "thanks Marcus, I can always count on you for the truth" I say sarcastically. He doesn't respond.

I shut my eyes softly and inhale the fresh air. Sometimes I sit out here for hours with only my ears. I don't open my eyes or speak, I just listen. I listen to all the conversations and fights, the birds or the wind against the trees.

It's nice, calming and distracting. I swallow the thick emotional wave in my throat and sniffle it back. "Fuck me" I whisper. Opening my eyes and digging my fingers between my palms.

"Holy fuck" Marcus exhales. I look up at him and furrow my eyebrows as holy fuck! He's smiling. For the only and probably the last, he's smiling as if nothing could ever be better.

It somehow makes me happy. To finally see joy on someone's face who only ever looks serious, it's like a small gift.
I tilt my head back and exhale the calmness running through my lungs. "Michelle!" Sebastian says, gripping my shoulders and staring at me widely.

"Don't ask me ab-" I begin. He fucking grabs my face and turns it forward.
I don't blink. I don't react or say some mean comment that will only dig into Sebastian's self esteem. I can't hear anything around me or feel the slow breeze running over my spine.

I swallow roughly and tense when I can only see him. He's walking through the doors to the yard with defeated eyes. I wish I could move, yell at him. I can't. I watch everything I've forgotten and allow it to breath the missing parts of me back to life.

My eyes flicker in tears and even though I promised myself over and over to not cry, I can't compose it. I jerk my body forward and hold my fists so tightly together I feel them pinch and chill.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'll say. The burning tears begin pouring down my face and dipping into my jaw. When he finally finds me, his intoxicating eyes lock into me. I suck my breath back and suck my stomach in.

"Fuck" I whisper. I've never felt this terrified in my life. I want to run to him and coat everything about me all over him. But what if this isn't real? What if tomorrow he's going to be gone forever.

I don't care. In moments of thoughts I snap back and see as he's now closer, running to me with no care in the damn world. The confidence and need in his body sparks mine. I jump to my feet and run as fast as my heart can take me.

When we meet I exhale a loud sob and cling myself into him. My arms run around his neck in instinct and my legs curl around his waist tightly. My sobs and tears aren't stopped. He's holding me back so tightly with so much in his eyes. His breathes are heavy and his body can't hold me tight enough.

I pull myself forward and push my lips to his. We breath into each others mouths and relax in our touch. Our kisses are impatient and starving. His tongue runs over my lips and then dives into my mouth.

I hold his hair with my fingers and kiss him deeper. We pull away for a short second before crashing our mouths back. My tears puddle onto our lips and seep into our mouths. It's salty and sweet and everything I've missed. He's warm and comforting and every part of me that has been gone.

I open my eyes and tighten my stomach when he's already staring at me. The relief and worry in his eyes make me cry harder. When we pull away his eyes search all over my face in urgency. I dip my head into his neck and melt as he holds me tighter and kisses into my hair.

"I missed you so much" I sob. Digging my nails into his shoulder.
He cradles my head and continues staring at me. I shut my eyes and place my ear to his chest. The beat of his heart pumps into my ear and relaxes my entire soul. Even though it's so fast and staggered, I know mine has just completely filled.