The Asshole App

11. A MILLION DRONES & SMART PHONES

"They don't want you healthy and happy. They want you miserable and dead."  -Miles Mathis

"Rogue elements are after Mr. Sinclair," the NSA agent warned. "They've set him up because he controls access to CENTRIXS's satellite surveillance program. The NSA knows he inserted a cuckoo's egg into their surveillance system's code. They're frantic to find it.

"A cuckoo what?" Evie asked.

"A cuckoo's egg refers to a piece of coding that creates a back door when it hatches. It allows a super user to spy on an end user." Agent Mercer gestured at Ray. "Mr. Sinclair not only spies on their satellites; he has the ability to run rampant in their system."

"Someone has to reign in these bastards," Ray protested. "They're criminals. Look how they murdered my partner."

Evie saw immense pain in his eyes. "Lear and I worked together for a decade." He breathed deeply, then admitted, "he was closer to me than a brother."

"Taking down the people Jamison and Casper work for isn't your job, Mr. Sinclair." Mercer said, evenly. "It's ours."

"Well, so far their response time's impressive." Deedee observed. "Yours is crappola. Everyone on the planet's seen that video by now. When Sinclair walks down the street, they're not gonna see a famous CEO, they're gonna see a homicidal maniac."

"If you're innocent you have nothing to worry about." Evie said.

Ray looked at her closely. "Lot's of innocent people go to prison."

"I've read about these deep fakes." Prince interjected. "Miss Gigi catfished one of the judges to qualify for the online Super Tramp Contest. It was a huge scandal." He held two fingers against the side of his chin, imitating Jack Benny.

"The deep state will stop at nothing, Mr. Sinclair. They've unlimited resources, millions of drones, and a worldwide surveillance network. You can't hide. They're about to unleash a maelstrom of hell on you."

Sinclair painfully sat up, holding his chest. "What did you inject me with? I can barely remember anything after waking up."

"You told Evie you're in love with her," Prince said.

"Never mind, we need to get you into protective custody." The undercover agent's mouth formed a grim line.

"You mean protective custody as in Jeffrey Epstein suiciding himself with a toilet paper chain? Hmph." Deedee snorted derisively, dabbing alcohol on her grazed arm.

"She's right," Vince agreed. "The government can't protect him. Too much high tech will eventually bite you in the ass."

Sinclair sat up. "Listen Bob, I don't give a crap about these thugs. I know who sent them. They control every aspect of Intelligence. I'll take my chances on my own."

"Mr. Sinclair, it's not a matter of choice. It's national security." Agent Mercer pulled out his phone.

With dawning suspicion, Ray asked, "If you could hear everything that was happening in the van, why didn't you intervene when those sick bastards were interrogating me?"

"I was told to stand down, but.."

Agent Mercer was cut off mid-sentence when Deedee grabbed him by his long, flowing hair. With her other hand, she snatched his phone. "I've heard enough, Rasputin. You're not calling nobody. You're the counterpart to those black hats. Who do you really work for, scumbag?" She dragged him, kicking and screaming, out of the kitchen and towards the back room.

"Interfering with national security is treason!" The agent yelled.

"Kiss my black ass!" There was a loud bang of pots and pans crashing to the floor as Deedee locked him in the pantry.

Ray painfully rolled off the table. Standing up, he held onto the counter's hard wooden edge, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He surprised everyone when the Drag Queen returned. "Thanks for helping me, Lady Dee. Not many people would have risked their lives like you and Vince did today."

"No, they wouldn't," she agreed. "I'm sure a lot of people would like to see you dead." She cast a sideways glance at Evie. "Understand this, Sinclair. You owe Evie an apology. And you owe me a new dress." She put her face close to his, lowering her voice. "In the meantime, I'm takin' that Tesla. You won't be needin' it."

Cowed, Ray held up his hands in surrender. "Seems fair to me." He turned to his former intern. "Evelyn, will you accept my deepest apologies for being an ass to you? I'm sorry."

An effervescent smile lit up her face as something shifted in her heart. "Yes, I will, Raymond." Something tight in her chest relaxed, as if she'd successfully navigated a treacherous crevasse. "What about agent Mercer? Are we going to leave him locked up in the pantry?"

"He'll survive," Vince said. There's enough food and water in there to feed twelve dwarves and a hobbit." Alarmed that Evie and Ray were bonding, he glared at Sinclair. "That hirsute hippie was telling the truth about one thing. The government's going to fry your ass." Biting into a custard he said, "I don't want you and Evie standing so close that she becomes collateral damage when they take you out."