Thinking Out Loud

I Am Everything

I recently had this... Epiphany. Moment of relief. Whatever you want to call it. I don't actually have a word for it as yet.

But the thing is...

I've been advised to "find your own style". Meaning, find one particular thing and stick to it.

How does one go about finding your style? You look at things you admire and appreciate, and you try to instill it into your own work or being. That's fairly simple, right?

Except, it's not for me. It hasn't been. At all.

I look to others who effortlessly do this (seemingly, at least). They find their thing and they own it; and they continue at it.

But my problem was always the question of: which /one/ do I like?
I like many. I like most. So how do I pick one?

I often felt suffocated and restless because I can't seem to choose that  one /perfect/ thing that speaks to me; that my soul and entire being leaps for eagerly.

Until it dawned upon me that I /can/, in fact, like many things, and I /can/ switch between different things.

Today, I can wear ripped jeans and sport a street look. And tomorrow? Tomorrow, I can look like I belong to an old library dressed in a dark academic aesthetic. And the day after? I can be a cottagecore girl, or classic and chic. And the day after that? I can be glam.

The same goes for anything else.

Whenever I've been told to find one thing to love and to stick to it, I always felt uncomfortable and suffocated. Made to feel like I am mad and reckless for bouncing between things; not steady enough; too scattered; too distracted.

And it's quite funny, actually. It's ridiculous, isn't it? Why limit yourself to one thing when you can have all of it?

I noticed this pattern in society. The same as you love once, you marry once. You find one job, you stick to it for life. You find one thing you're good at and you pursue it. You have a hobby? The advice is to exploit it to earn a profit. It's all so.... Heteropatriarchy, isn't it?

And the words of a wise woman echoed in my head: you can be one of the smart ones, or one of the pretty ones, or even a strong one --- trying to be all three.

Society is so used to expecting you (especially women) to be one thing and one thing only. It's the narrative they've created for us; and the one they expect us to live up to.

And maybe the problem was they've been too afraid that I, like many other women, would take up too much space.

I can be anything I want to be. I can be everything I want to be. 

And you know why?

Because I fucking can.

--- Ink and Wander