When the Spring Begins (Spring Series #1)

chap. 05

chap. 05

Just like that, my world ended. For weeks after our breakup, I wasn't in my usual self. No matter how many times Alice tried to talk it out with me, I still couldn't. She respected that and waited for me to recover.

It's been three months since it all happened, but it always felt like yesterday. Like I just blinked in a split second and lost him the moment I opened my eyes. Gustong gusto kong bawiin lahat ng mga sinabi ko sa kaniya. Gusto ko siyang pisikal na saktan na lang saka patawarin. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na hindi ko rin kaya ang lahat ng 'to. Pero alam kong sa huli, masasaktan lang kami kung itutuloy pa namin.

I couldn't afford to trust him again. I would always limit myself and build a wall in between us because of the fear that it might happen again. Hindi ko na siya magagawang mahalin ulit ng walang takot sa'kin na baka saktan niya ulit ako. It would be a tiring and endless cycle of me doubting him, and him explaining himself over and over again. We'll only tire ourselves out until we fall out of love.

Sinubukan niya akong tawagan nang gabing iyon pero ni isa ay wala akong sinagot. He also tried contacting Tris, my cousin, but she also did the same thing. Nag-abang siya sa labas ng corridor namin pero sinisiguro ko lagi na matatakasan ko siya. It's a good thing that Ryler's presence is always there. Natutulungan niya kami ni Alice para hindi makalapit si Ethan.

Naging usap-usapan iyong nangyari sa buong building ng Business Ad. Kilala ng halos buong batch namin sila Ethan dahil sa pamilya niya kaya ang makita siyang halos buong isang buwan na naghihintay sa'kin ay talagang malaking balita na para sa kanila. I even heard some mean comments about it.

Maraming nagsasabi na gusto ko lang daw ng spotlight kaya hindi ko binabalikan si Ethan. Na masyado ko daw ikinatutuwa ang ginagawa ni Ethan para sa'kin kaya umaayaw ako na makipagbalikan. Na gusto ko naman daw talaga siya kaso dahil uhaw ako sa atensyon ay pinapatagal ko lang. Tuwing nakakarinig ako ng gano'n ay pinipili ko na lang na h'wag na pakinggan pa.

Bakit? Kasi hindi naman sila 'yong sinaktan. Hindi naman sila yung papasok ulit sa relasyon na pagmamahal na lang at wala ng tiwala. Hindi naman sila yung masasaktan sa huli kapag pinilit ko ang sarili ko. Ako 'yon, hindi sila.

For the nth time, I deeply sighed after reading a message. It was from him again.

Sabay na napalingon si Ryler at Alice sa harap ko. Vacant time nila Ryler at dahil alam niyang Research period lang naman namin ngayon ni Alice dito sa library ay sinadya na pumunta dito. Nang mainip ay tinulungan niya na lang kami sa paghahanap ng related articles. He was sitting in front me while my friend is just beside her. They were both busy reading some articles regarding our topic before they set their eyes on me.

Ethan:

Please, let's talk. I want to fix this.

Alice read it out loud. Sabay pa nilang tinignan ang isa't isa bago siya muling nagsalita.

"Do you still love him, though?"

I hesitated for a bit. I don't want to deny it, but my heart still belongs to him. I think he will always be a part of me because he's my first love. I would always remember how it felt like to fall for the first time. He was that person to me.