Love Is Pain

🚶🏽

In the building

Roman: Didn't seem like a big deal? Jonathan, if it didn't seem like a big deal you would've told her. No problem. You wouldn't have frozen up when Alivia mentioned it in front of her. But no, I haven't seen her. Maybe ask Veronica. Isn't she here?

Jonathan: If she is, she wouldn't be with her. Ronnie would be the last person she'd be with. Té doesn't like her.

Roman: How do you know?

Jonathan: I know when she doesn't like someone. She's my girlfriend.....I think.

Roman: You what?

Jonathan: ...I'll tell you later. Can you help me find her?

Roman: Yeah.

*time skip*

Jonathan: *walks in a room* Shanté.

Shanté: *sits up* Ugh. Leave me alone.

Jonathan: Come on. We're leaving.

Shanté: No.

Jonathan: Look, I'm sorry, ok. We can talk about it in the car. Let's go.

Shanté: Here you go being controlling again. You can't control me anymore.

Out of curiosity I ask her what she means by that

Shanté: You're not my boyfriend anymore.

I feel my heart sink. It drops & explodes...I know she's drunk & she doesn't mean it but it still hurts

Shanté: *softly chuckles* Do you not remember what happened on the roof? You actually gave me permission to leave so that's what I did.

Jonathan: That's not what I meant, Shanté, & you know it.

Shanté: Nothing is ever what you meant-I mean..fuck. It don't even matter, dawg.

Shawn: *walks in the room* ..damn.

Shanté: That's my new boyfriend.

Shawn & Jonathan: Your new what?

Jonathan: *looks at Shawn*

Shawn: Look man, she fell down the stairs tryna get back here. I just was comin to give her some water &-

Shanté: See. He treats me nice.

Jonathan: *looks at Shanté* I don't treat you nice?

Shanté: Mm mm.

Jonathan: Do I not spoil you every chance I get? I cook for you, I go to the store for you, I even clean for you. I make money FOR YOU. YOU be the one who be fighting back. Anyone else wouldn't do that.

Shanté: *stands up* Then go be with someone else since I'm not like "everyone else"!

Jonathan: That's not what I meant.

Shanté: At this fucking point, you needa think before you speak because nothing you ever say is what you meant! *deep mocking voice* "Oh that's not what I meant". *regular voice* I've heard that shit one too many times. I'm beginning to think that's just what you say so I don't get upset over it.

Jonathan: *deep, loud sigh* Get in the car, Shanté. I won't ask again.

She gets really close to me & looks me in my eyes. Whenever she does this it's usually a sweet moment..I would see love in her eyes....now I don't see anything but anger & hate

Shanté: ...make me.

Shawn: I'll just take her home.

Jonathan: I don't need you to take her home.

Shawn: Well there ain't no way we gon get her in a car wit you.

Jonathan: How about I get Roman to take you back to the apartment?

Shanté: Don't be in the apartment when I get there. *walks away*

A tear falls from my eye & I realize I've been tearing up the whole time. Fuck. I can't-I can't keep doing this. I'm not going to any more parties with her because I'm convinced it's some kind of curse

At the apartment (In the room)

I took a Lyft to the apartment so I could be in the room before her. She might be drunk but everything she's saying might be true about how she feels & I want to find out if it's true or not

Shanté: *walks in the room* I'm leaving.

Jonathan: No! *closes the door & stands in front of it*

Shanté: Let me out of here, Jonathan.

Jonathan: No.

Shanté: Ugh! ..oh my goodness, I can't believe Zay is right.

Jonathan: What did he say?

Shanté: You're a walking red flag! Look at what the fuck you're doing!

Jonathan: I'm trying to stop us from breaking up!

Shanté: Too fucking late!

Jonathan: Shanté, please just get in bed. I'll get you water & in the morning we'll be fine.

Shanté: It always looked like we were fine to you...but I always knew how to mask my pain. I learned it because of you.

Jonathan: Because of me?

Shanté: Because whenever I would bring something up we'd argue. So I just stopped.

Jonathan: ...so you were never happy in our relationship?

Shanté: ...

Jonathan: *tear falls*

Shanté: ...I...I was but the way you negatively always made me feel took over the positve feelings. I thought moving together would fix that but it clearly didn't. & I don't want to quit on us but...

Jonathan: ...you don't mean that.

Shanté: Jonathan-

Jonathan: No, you don't mean it, ok. You're drunk, you-you aren't thinking straight.

Shanté: I don't want to quit but clearly it's just meant to happen.

Jonathan: *overlapping Té* No it isn't!

Shanté: You're trying to control me again! My God! Ugh! You see what I mean?!

Jonathan: You are druuunk! You don't know what you're talking about!

Shanté: Stop trying to tell me how I feel! I hate that! I hate this! I hate this whole fucking thing! ..I hate you!!

My emotions get the better of me & tears come pouring out. I don't want her or anyone else seeing me like this so I leave...just like she knew I would