Vampire and Prejudice

Chapter 31 - Darcy

She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. All in all, a ridiculous game, but a vampire could dream, and dream I did. How could I not? I dare you to withstand Elizabeth Bennet's thoughtful gaze directed at yourself and stay a hopeless wretch. With the memory of her blood on my lips, I craved other sensations and had to stop before I made myself an object of hate once again. There were liberties a fiend might take, but a gentleman must not.

The safest facts that I could allow myself was that I was a friend—well, perhaps a brother of a friend—and that she did not despise me, but that was not enough as far as my goals went. There were some steps—and miles and miles—I could take to bring myself closer to my desired destination. And thus I found myself in London, preparing to face Bingley. There was no way around it—it had to be done. I was ready to admit my scheme and accept the consequences of my actions. Having received a scalding reproach from the person who mattered the most, I was well ready to be met with contempt from the persons of secondary and tertiary value. And to be forgiven, hopefully, if it was not too much to ask.

"Bingley, you look well."

He regarded me with bloodshot eyes and with a smile full of rotten sadness. "It is not like you to give such a false statement."

"I have been told that I should be kinder to people around me."

"Pray tell by whom?"

"A brave and darling soul."

"Kind AND secretive. What brings you to London?"

The most sacred wishes of my heart. "You, actually."

"I dread to think why I deserve such an honor. Be warned—I am not susceptible to lectures. My sisters have tried and failed. I can report they are resigned to my wayward ways and, as long as I don't bother them too much, they are happy to pretend I don't exist."

That was a bit more heartbreaking than I anticipated. "Perhaps I can help to lift you from your melancholy."

"Are you here to offer the solace and joys of Pemberley? I must decline. There is no joy for me to be had, but I beg Pemberley to take no offense at that statement—the sole source of joylessness comes from me."

"What if I could bring your joy back to you?"

"Are you a wizard now, as well as a vampire?"

I delivered the most intense and serious stare that I could manage. "Yes."

Bingley held my eye but then turned away with a scoff.

Right. Confession time had come. "Trying to be a good friend, I thought I had to. I thought your suffering over love would be small and easily managed. I was wrong. I was wrong about so many things, and have come to remedy them, and beg your forgiveness, though I am unworthy of it."

There was a silence of a cold and ominous kind, Bingley's face turning from confused to furious. I had more to say; a full confession would require names and dates, and I was ready to deliver them.

Deciding that my friend had nothing to say to me, I resolved to continue. "Almost a year ago, after the ball at Netherfield, when you decided upon proposing to Miss Bennet, you made your family very unhappy with the news. I was prepared for your decision and put forward a solution—convince you of Miss Bennet's indifference so that you would abandon your scheme. I am not a complete villain. I did not think Miss Bennet had any feelings of attachment towards you and was trying to spare you suffering, which I believed you would subject yourself to. Since then, I have been told the opposite is true—that Miss Bennet has always returned your feelings of affection and by interfering I have made her and you utterly miserable. My arrogance has caused both of you unhappiness, for which I am infinitely sorry and would do anything to remedy the damage I have caused."