Can You Look My Way?

C-8

"Should I call you a doctor, young master?" a maid hysterically asked while assisting him in the bathroom. "Should I could Clara now? Your parents? I sho-should get you to the--"

"No!" he shouts, breathing in and out heavily. He has been weak since he woke up, shoulders around the damn toilet bowl. "Don't ca-call my si-sister no-nor my damn parents. Ju-Just get me my damn blockers."

"But young master! You've been like this all morning!" she cries. "Please! Let us ca-call your doctor!"

"I'm fine!" His chest raises up and down. "I can't go to hospital again. Ju-Just not while the festival's around. Leave my room now!"

Leo pushed his maid away. These are the mornings when he can't control his tears from rolling down. It isn't just because of the vomiting, it's because of the pain in his upper abdominal that makes his vision more blurry. It's so painful that even though it happens more often now, he isn't used to it still. Every time it's a damn life or death and he keeps it all to himself.

The corners of his vision were getting dimmer and he is losing to the pain. When it's too much it goes numb and the air becomes thinner. Within some moment, everything is dark.

 When Leo woke up, his eyes widened for a second at the damn white ceiling that he knows very well. No matter his efforts he still ends up there. He raises his left hand and saw the IV tube.

"You've gone really weak this time, Leo. Mind telling me why you didn't want to call for help?" 

Ah, that familiar damn voice, it's Doctor Kamiya. A corner of Leo's mouth lifted up.

"How are you, doctor Kamiya?" he asked back, ignoring his doctor's first questions. 

"I see you were being suicidal. Are we too heartbroken or losing hope?"

"Neither," he finally answered, "I was fighting for something. But I guess in the end my helper brought me here."

"It wasn't your helper. Your sister brought you here this time."

Leo was left agaze. His sister? Clara? Why? How did she stand his vomiting? Why the hell would she care about him this time? Maybe she was just forced to.

"She told me not to tell you but we were closer," doctor Kamiya said that made Leo turn to him. "Your sister was worried. I could see it on her face."

No. It can't be one of those stupid scenes where the older sibling acts like they don't give a shit but actually does. But if it was the case then... Leo would be happy. 

He lifted his right arm and brought them over covering his eyes. This simple information makes him feel purely lighter inside. He wished he was conscious to see Clara's face worried for him. He needed someone to care and notice his struggles. 

"Thank you for telling me that, doctor Kamiya." His voice was soft.

"Well, that's all I can do to make you feel better so far." Doctor Kamiya chuckles, standing up and pulling his chair towards Leo.  Then he sits again. "Now, some storytelling would be nice information to exchange."

"I don't have something about Merida but I have something about someone that caught my attention too."

"Ohh, a new love interest, huh?"

"No, it's a kid named Keifer. I met him by accident and he makes me feel something warm. Keifer and his grumpy older sister remind me of Clara and me." He stopped and removed his arm. "The sister's name is Lisa by the way. She's always bitching."

"Lisa, Lisa..." Doctor Kamiya squinted his eyes while sucking in air. "Was that one of Merida's bullies?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"And you're not mad at that one girl?"

"On that bullying part, she's a bitch but she's a good sister. There's a soft side to her that I thought was me tripping."

"So, what is it? Like or dislike that Lisa?" There was a playful smile on Doctor Kamiya's lips but Leo wasn't looking at him. 

"I don't dislike Lisa. She must have some kind of personal problem getting out of hand and she vented it out on something else."

"Like bullying your first love."

"Yeah," Leo without any hesitation agreed. "She was right. Lisa does have reasons."

Doctor Kamiya sighed. They let the silence in the room for a moment. 

"So, what were you fighting for?" Doctor Kamiya finally asked.

"The festival is coming. I want to be able to feel fine till it's over."

"If that's so then why didn't you want anyone to bring you here? It would have lessened the pain you were feeling."

"I've no excuse for that, honestly."

The tutting came from Doctor Kamiya. "I've been telling you this, Leo. If you want to live longer, please avoid what I told you to avoid. We're blunt with each other here and I know when you lie. I know you more than any of your parents do. I know you want to live so bad."

"I am living, doctor Kamiya." Leo beamed at the doctor. Kamiya let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head slowly from side to side. "I'm grateful I'm still breathing," he added.

"Well, I wish you could do more."

They discussed further Leo's current condition and the possibility of him going to that festival if he gets better faster. After that, doctor Kamiya left him alone to rest more.

As Doctor Kamiya walks in the hallway towards his next patient's room, he can't help but think of Leo. Surgeries won't do him any better. Sure it'd decrease the pain he'd feel but he isn't getting cured. They're just preventing it to get worse. Leo knows that and he acts fine.

"What more could I do?" he asked himself.