Spinning Out✔️

38. I could never hate you

A/N: one of my fav chapters I've written so far. 🥲 lil emotional tbh. Alsooooo, 4K?! Already? You guys ☺️. So sweet love the love. Enjoy 😉.

Jax's POV
5:28 pm

After sleeping most of the morning away and snuggling in my bed, we finally ate lunch. I was surprised when she pulled cauliflower gnocchi with tomato sauce from the fridge.

When I asked her how she knew it was my favorite, she said my dad stopped by to give it to me. I was surprised because I thought he was out of the country. I called to thank him and it was the strangest conversation.

He was just asking me how I was and making sure that I was okay. It was weird because I hadn't spoken to him much and sometimes I forgot that I was his kid and that he worried about me. It was hard to separate Mr. Nova my original dance teacher and CEO of NDC, from my Papá.

It dampened my mood a bit. I wanted him to just be my Dad but I don't think he knew how to just be that. It made me wonder how much time we'd spent playing the roles of teacher and student over the years instead of father and son.

I was pretty quiet for the rest of the afternoon, thinking about the conversation over and over. Luna of course noticed and tried to get me out of my mood.

My fever was thankfully gone but I still felt like shit. My body was all achy and fatigued, making everything feel like a lot. And I was having this weird stomach pain every couple of minutes. I didn't tell Luna though because I knew it would make her worry even more. She was already watching me like a hawk, making sure that I was getting better.

I was feeling guilty at this point. We'd been stuck in this apartment together for over 24 hours now. She probably wanted to go home, do anything else than be here.

Although, she didn't make me feel like I was burdening her. In fact, she just stayed by my side and we laid on the couch together with nothing but the Tv playing. Bella slept on the carpet floor tired from her afternoon walk.

"Why do you like watching these again?" I asked, grimacing at the TV. If she wasn't watching a baking show or a horror movie, she was watching true crime. All of it was puzzling to me.

"I feel like it's calming for me. True Crime docs are like the creepiest things to watch but also very informational." She said from above me.

"Informational? I'd get nightmares if I watched this shit as much as you do." I remarked, smirking to myself.

"I'm obsessed with solving crimes now. It's like a little puzzle just for me."

"Except there's usually a dead body and some serial killer involved."

She snorted in my ear. "Yeah, except for that part. But I mean it's usually the husband anyway so it's never too hard to figure out."

"Really?"

"Yeah," her arms around me squeezed tighter. "There's a fine line between love and hate. But sometimes people view them as being the same thing. It's like 'I love you so much that I hate you'. I want you and I want no one else to have you. I'll kill you if you leave me. Or....sometimes people just don't know who they're marrying and the person had shown signs of being a killer for years. Gen and I can talk about this shit for hours."

I looked up at her and found her eyes staring down at me. I was laying in between her legs, the back of my head resting against her belly as we both were splayed out on the couch. She had her arms wrapped around me and I was holding onto her forearms.

Lines were blurred at this point, confusing me but I also didn't want to question it. I think almost dying played a role in all of this.

"Would you say that the hatred you're talking about was the same....you used to have for me when we were kids?" I asked honestly. I had never really figured out why she hated me for all those years and I wanted to know.