Keep quiet

What is wrong with me?

God what is wrong with me?
All I want is him, him, him.
I lay in my bed sleepless.
Thinking about him.
God.
I should be sleeping.
I don't think he ever does this.
It'll be really surprising if he does.
I long for him to be here.
I long for him to be right next to me.
I hate this feeling.
The feeling of needing someone.
That ain't anywhere close to you.
Sometimes I think.
I think that everything is only,
A dream.
But I know.
I know that it's not.
So much trouble had been caused,
In my life because of him.
But yet I still want him.

Sometimes I think to myself,
Is this all a game?
Is all he is doing is playing around with my emotions?
Leading me on?
Making me feel like something?
He see me differently than I see myself.
When I said that to him.
When I told him that he sees me differently than I see myself he said this. 'Because I love you and you dislike yourself.'
Sometimes I think does he really?
Or is it all a game?
I have learned not to trust, not to become attached, and not to love.
I became attached, I trusted, and I loved.
But I don't know if that's a mistake or not.
It doesn't feel like it.
But all things bad for you, makes you think it's so good.
God I want him. Him. And only him.
I'm so fucked up.
Each day I ask myself.
'Why me? Why me when you can have someone prettier, less unstable, skinnier, someone that doesn't have any fucked up problems like me, someone normal. I remember one time he said that he wanted to be normal. I told me that I wasn't normal. And he said that's what he loved about me. Was the fact that I wasn't normal. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything.
Anytime I don't talk to him at night I can't sleep. Anytime I talk to him at night I fall asleep talking to him.
I can't sleep. I need him.