Keep quiet

Coma

He was driving his brothers motorcycle today.... He got into a wreak with 7 other cars.
His brother couldn't make it to the hospital any earlier. Because of his stupid fucking manager. I need to find someway to California. I can't stop crying. His brother said he won't wake up for awhile.
Again for the second night in a row I will probably be bawling my eyes out. I can't even type this without messing up a bunch of times. My step dad's a truck driver he usually goes to California but this time he's going to New York. My parents don't know he's in the hospital.
I have to find someway up there. I need to find someway up there. I cant stop crying. Why did you have to take that motorcycle home? Why? Now you're on coma I don't know when you're going to wake up. I need you. I don't know if you will even remember me if you do wake up. I try to keep my head up. But I can't. I'm ing closet again. I know it sounds weird. Most people hate closed spaces. Not me. I'd rather be in here in this small place than out there on my bed. I might sleep in here tonight. I have a lock on my closet door. I might as well lock myself in here and die. I don't want to live anymore. I love him. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. And now he's in coma. Maybe if he lived where I live this might not have happened. I just want to see him. I need him. I hate life. Why does 'god' do these things to me. This is the reason why I don't believe 'god' loves me. I believe I was a mistake to him. So now he punishes me. WELL GUESS WHAT 'GOD' YOU DONT NEED ME. I DONT NEED YOU. SO WHY KEEP ME HERE? Just kill me already. Or at least get me a plane ticket to Cali and some parents that would let me go. Fuck life I don't care anymore. I'm tired of trying to be a good girl. I'm tired of trying to please everyone. I'm tired of acting like it's all okay. It's not. So I'm going to start showing my true emotion or at least try. I've learned how to hide it pretty while.

Maybe this is all some bad dream and everything that I've been told and everything that's happened these last three nights never happened. Maybe I'm sleeping. I sure hope so.