An Art I Would Always Wonder

32

One of our teacher who was supposed to come didn't show up as he got his own situation so we had to do self study but just like every other school, what the hell is even SELF STUDY right? Everyone cheered up and started doing their own things while I still struggle to come up with a way to tell lili what had happened. She always said everything to me, like every little or big incident that has happened to her but—Ughh I just hope she doesn't kill me after knowing all these silly little things I have been doing all these months.

"Prez!" A voice knocked in my ears and I turned back knowing who it was

"Are you gonna participate in cheerleading?" Taehyung says and half of the class turned their head to him and then me

"Cheerleading? Me?" I asked getting surprised by myself. Like how can he even think of that? Me and cheerleading is like putting pineapple in the pizza, both delicious in their own way but wrongly served together

"I suppose I would just stick with my books instead but why did you ask?" I replied to which Irene out of no where answered

"Oh please don't tell me you forgot that there's a basketball match this Friday beside being a class president?" She yells from the front rolling her eyes at me

Damn it! I was so dwell upon my own thoughts that this Friday's basketball match totally went off my head. He looked at me while raising his one brow, expecting me to say something...

"Do you like cheerleading team Tae?" Irene asked and now they both had the attention of the whole class
"Yeah, I mean who wouldn't like to be cheered up right?" He said turning his gaze away from me to her
"I was thinking of participating anyway. Great to know you like it" she said to which he smiled and made the class go crazy once again

She now stands up, comes closer to him while grabbing one of the empty chair and sits beside him. Literally, my blood boiled watching them do such act. She then starts asking him questions and he easily started helping her to solve it out. I was being so obvious that the fear and anger lingered on my face and I didn't care to even think about what others were thinking of me at that point.

"Oi stop that! Stop what you are doing Tzu" lili whispered after observing me
I turned to her direction being speechless, this feeling wasn't gonna go easily and looking at lili, I think she managed to figure out what I was feeling

"I'm sorry, I have so many things to say but I can't right now" I uttered to which she replied; "remember the day she asked Taehyung to help her out? Don't think too much okay? It's just a little help" she whispered and mind immediately questioned to myself "why only her?"

The more I hear her giggle at the back, the more my eyes got curious. It was distracting me from every other things that was happening around and I couldn't help it but listen to his every word of maths and her silly mistakes he would figure out making her simply chuckle.

I walked into the restroom to clear my head but then again, I could hear some girls talk about Taehyung and Irene, how close they were with one another, how they stared at each other and what not. I was once again carried away by their talk....as they were busy gossiping about him and Irene. My head started to recall every single moments I spent with him. The conversations we had between us, all those flirting he did and how I used to get annoyed with every tiny things he did....all came up rushing into my head faster than the light and now I miss all those. All I can do is just sit and badly wish those days to be repeated.

"Tzu! Are you there?" I heard lili calling out my name. She started knocking the door where I was in and I had no choice but to open it. Once the door opened, she looked at me worriedly
"Are you okay?" she lowered her tone and lightly locked the door.

"No. I'm not okay lili" I spelled to which lili hugged me tightly with a concern in her eyes

"What's the matter Tzu?" she asked and I felt it so hard. I know I'm hurt but the moment someone asks whether I'm okay when I'm not, it hits my weak point. I feel like crying so badly in her arms and I couldn't handle it by myself anymore. I told her everything that has happened from my past to my present. Everything that has happened between me and Taehyung, every little thing that I felt for him within myself but lied and acted infront of the whole world just cuz I was fucking scared to love someone because of my past

"I'm pathetic, ain't I Lisa?" I added and she looked at me with her huge sparkling eyes filled with tears

"You're not pathetic, you're stupid Tzu! But damn strong!!" She grasped my cheeks gently with her hands as she wiped my tears along with hers

"All these years and you never let anyone slightly doubt what you were going through? Why did you bundle up all these stuffs in your heart and carried it alone? I'm sorry for always complaining about myself and I'm sorry for not being there with you in your lowest Tzu! I'm so pathetic, I should have asked you earlier" she said

"No you're not. It was me who didn't tell you in the first place so don't blame yourself. You're fucking great lili cuz you have a huge heart. I know you complain a lot but you are always sure of your feelings and talk honestly about how you feel and you are not afraid of the consequences. Look at me, struggling and lying to talk about real stuffs and I'm so sorry for hiding all these things and not telling you who I am" I sobbed my tears

"I guess we are both pathetic Tzu for not being able to say it out and for not being able to figure it out. Plus, you don't have to be sorry for where you're coming from and what your past is! What matters is your present" she said confidently bringing that Lisa tone back. We chuckled for few seconds looking at one another and how terrible we both looked

"But my present sucks too" I said with a sigh, looking at this huge mirror in front of us

"Are you freakin blind or can't you process the fact that the mother fucking KIM TAEHYUNG, that holy KIM TAEHYUNG who's worshipped by every girls reached up to you and kissed you!" She yelled at me but not too loud while fixing the liner of her eyes in the mirror

"So what? He talks with every other girls lili and who knows whether he does the same thing to other girls as well?" I said splashing water over my face

"Jesus! First of all, he never approaches other girls and the only girl he does approach is you. Second thing, he likes you and you do it too and lastly, you're fuckin jealous of whatever that happened in the class. So get your head straight and face him, talk with him and sort it out. Be cool like you used to be" she said it so simply

What does she expect me to do like go infront of him and tell him that I love him and that I'm fuckin jealous so he should stop helping Irene or stop talking with every other girls that he meet? This is so toxic and I hate it! This is not me and I don't wanna be this person who hates to love.