An Art I Would Always Wonder

34

Everyone was back to normal after not getting any response. Once the period was over, the class was filled with commotion and I knew, there would be tons of students outside the room, eagerly waiting for the gossips and unnecessary drama they'll be pulling on me. I was running behind my schedule, meetings and paperwork as a class president and having to deal with all this alone dragged me in a position where I could no longer figure out what's important ahead of me and what I should do about it.

"You should have at least told him that you were leaving" lili approached me
"I...couldn't, that's the problem" I replied and she nodded understanding the situation of what I was going through
"I know what you feel babe but how can you know how he perceives you when you're not ready to listen and try to hide or ignore him everytime he's trying to give you a hint" she said.
" a hint? Do I look like an 8 yr old? It's not a hint lili, this whole shit he's doing to me is a fucking GAME"
"I get you're really stressed out but can you please, please follow him for now and tell him everything instead of zoning out and watching everything loose out of your grip?" She tried to calm me down and I agree with what she said. This time, I should confront him for real

I was indeed running away from him but all these overthinking and confusion lurking inside me was silently turning into fear of losing him. I was conscious that I have no reason to be angry or ignore him when he's not even mine in the first place. But the point is even though he was not mine, everything he made me feel was real and I couldn't run away from this forever. I miss that flirtatious and maddening Kim Taehyung who used to be with me before. Little did I know, the person that used to annoy me to the point I hated him in the past would be the exact person I will eventually fall in present

Keeping all my emotions aside for once and listening to lili, I wanted to tell him that I am genuinely sorry for not giving him a proper goodbye despite knowing he wouldn't care. I walked upstairs trying to catch a glimpse of him and just as I presumed, he was at the rooftop watching those empty green field touching the blue autumn sky......he looked beautifully calm and pleasing....but

Unluckily, it didn't turned out that I was the only one looking at him but there was already a second person present with him, Irene. She walked over him and slowly grasped his arm. Being quite a distance away from them, I couldn't hear their conversations so all I could do was observe and not interrupt. It hurts terribly when you see the one you love with someone else. I felt as if I was committing a crime watching these two silently and examining every expressions on her face but something was holding me from moving back. After few seconds past by and they kissed............they literally kissed in front of my eyes

My legs started to feel numb......I could hardly make a sound or spell a letter out of shock. Boxing up all my emotions from there, I finally took a long steps and started running out. I was doing it again....running and running through the corridors of the college, siding and pushing every people from my way....

What I mostly fear turned into reality making my fingers tremble.......slowly my hands started shivering, the flashbacks of him and Irene hugging in the corner, giggling in the class, sitting together and now kissing at the rooftop filled my head and every corner of the dark room where I was sitting. I could hear their voices echoing through the room and through the walls eventually making me weak and fall on my knees.

I shut myself on that empty room for hours and hours not realising the time until I woke up and found myself lying on the ground. The sudden arousal of pain hitting my head made me fall on the ground the second time. It was already dawn and the classes were already over. Apparently there was no one and the college was pin drop silent....I slowly raised my head, hissing with pain and managed to walk outside the room. As I walked through those silent doorways, some shiny and bright stuff caught my eyes. It was props used for cheerleading and there were tons of silver mixed with blueish Pom-pom all over the table.

Just then....my phone buzzed, I looked at it and it was Lisa. She cut off the call and I saw 35 missed calls on the screen. My inbox was filled with messages from Lili and Mrs Lee worrying about my whereabouts. I called lili asap hoping that she would pick it up

"Hello! Tzu! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry I fell asleep"
"Y-you what? Jesus! I was so worried, you literally freaked the hell out of me Tzu!" She screamed
"Sorry, did you wait for too long?" I asked feeling sorry for her
"No, I actually went with jungkook cuz I couldn't find you hehe, but I also tried to call you and got furious this whole time. I can be in relief now that you're okay" she said straight with no filter, no worry, being exactly who she is.
"Alright, call you later. I've to tell Mrs. Lee too" I said but she didn't hung up
"—uh you sure you okay?" She confirmed once again
"Yes, I am okay"

I hung up the call and saw something on the board that was left at the side of props and tons of bows which said "DON'T LET THE FEAR OF FALLING KEEP YOU FROM FLYING"
I will be okay. I have to be okay! I promised myself...