𝙵𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚜 ☕︎ ᵒⁿᵉˢʰᵒᵗˢ

"I need you.."

TW: Self Harm

I toss and turn on my bed without sleep. No matter how hard I tried to find a comfortable position, I couldn't. With a sigh, I threw my legs off the bed and sat up. Maybe a sip of water will help. I stood up and felt the cold wooden floor under my bare feet. It shook me briefly. I walked quietly out of my room and into the hallway. In the kitchen I grabbed a glass and poured myself some water.

When I was done, I carefully walked back upstairs. But just as I was about to disappear back into my room, I heard a faint noise. I wasn't sure, but it sounded like a stifled sob. I turned back and tried to figure out where the noise was coming from. As I walked past the bathroom, the sobs got a little louder. I knocked gently on the old wooden door. The sobbing stopped and I heard something tinkle. I slowly pushed the handle down and opened the door. Behind this stood my brother with his back to me, leaning on the sink.

"Five?" I just whispered. I took a step towards him, but he shook his head violently.

"Y/n.. go back to bed." he said. His voice cracked and his body was shaking.

"Five, are you all right?" I took another step closer.

"Yes. Everything is fine. Please go back to bed now." Why is he trying to get rid of me so quickly? I didn't believe a word he said and was now half a meter behind him. I walked around him, but the color drained from my face. The sink was full of blood and there was a razor blade inside. Also full of blood. I looked at his arms and had to swallow. Thick, deep cuts were made in his skin. Blood spurted from each of those cuts.

"Five..." my voice trailed off.

"And? Are you happy now? To see me so weak?" he hissed and clenched his hands, which gripped the sink. I shook my head and looked into his face. Tears filled his green eyes, blinding him.

"Then you should go again." he said coolly. I shook my head again.

"No." I said firmly.

"Five.. why?" I put the glass on the floor and then looked into his eyes.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" I asked once more. But he only slowly shook his head.

"That's none of your shit business, Y/n." the brunette hissed and let go of the sink. He grabbed a cloth and began wiping the blood from the sink with water.

"I'm as concerned as you are, Five. I'm scared for you. I'm worried! I-"

"Then where have you been the last few months?" he suddenly shouted at me. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Where were you when I needed you most? Where were you when I had nobody but myself? Where were you when I was at the deepest of the deepest and couldn't find a way to escape from this darkness again? What if I tell you I found a way? A way where I don't feel oppressed." His voice screamed anger, but his eyes spoke pain. Pain that had plagued him for an agonizing time, but had always denied it.

"I- I know that's wrong. But it's the only way that makes me feel at least a little free." he said, his voice shaking with every word. He shook his head in sorrow, and then let himself slide down against the wall. His head leaned against the cold wall. A lump had formed in my throat. Why hadn't I noticed it earlier? All this time..

I ran to the shelf and grabbed the first aid kit and a clean towel, dampening it with cold water. Then I sat cross-legged in front of Five, and held out my hand to him. He understood, rolled his eyes and held out his left arm. I slowly started wiping the blood off his arm.

"I'm sorry." I said, still looking at his wounds.

"I should have noticed earlier. Your Pain. I... I just couldn't see it. I couldn't see you." I meant. I slowly saw Five raise his head again. Tears formed in my eyes.

"I don't know how you must be feeling.. and I have no idea how hard it must be for you... But I know that everyone in your family loves you dearly. And we couldn't all forgive one another if you just disappear one day... I could never forgive myself for that..." Sniffling, I wiped away my tears with my sleeve. His arm was more or less clean now and I started wrapping a bandage around it. Just as I finished bandaging his arm, I felt his fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him. His eyes were red and swollen.

"Five, we all love you so much..." I repeated, brushing a sweaty strand of hair away from his face.

"I know.. I know.. but there's still this constant pressure..."

"I want to help you. I support you. You're not alone anymore! I- I don't want anything to happen to you. I can't forgive myself for something like that when you're gone.. I just can't lose you.. I need you .." I whispered the last part, tear after tear rolling down my cheeks. His cheeks were wet again and his hand on my chin was shaking. I slowly raised my hand and grabbed his. I held her tight and didn't let go. I just couldn't let go of him yet. Suddenly Five pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. Of course I hugged him back and hugged him tightly.

"I want to help you.. I need you.." I murmured over and over as he dug his fingers into my pajamas.

"Please..." he pulled away from me but didn't look at me.

"Please help me, Y/n..." he whispered painfully. Then he raised his eyes and met my eyes. I nodded and hugged him tightly again. And I wouldn't let him go anytime soon. He was no longer alone.