𝙵𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚜 ☕︎ ᵒⁿᵉˢʰᵒᵗˢ

"You are not alone."

TW: panic attack + slight autophobia (fear of being alone)

Exhausted, I fell onto my bed and looked up at the white ceiling. The training has been getting harder and harder over the past few weeks. Our father pushes us all to our limits. But to be honest I don't mind. I'm really not doing well mentally, but I really need this distraction right now. My autophobia has been getting worse lately, but I just can't bring myself to ask anyone for help. What if they say no? What if they just say I'm doing this for attention? Suddenly I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Shit, how I hate myself for my weakness..

"Y/n?" said a soft voice on the other side of my room door.

"Hm?" I turned to face the wall so the person couldn't see my tears. I heard the door open and he came towards me. I could feel Five sitting down on the bed next to me.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked.

"Mh, yes. I'm just a little tired." I said, believing that my voice wouldn't betray me.

"Really? I heard you had a tough workout."

"We all have a tough workout, Five." I said and heard a soft laugh.

"Yes you are probably right." he said and stood up again.

"I'll go then. And you rest, ok?" I just nodded as he disappeared back out of the room. I was alone again. I curled up into a ball before drifting into a restless sleep after a while.

***

"Y/n~."

"Y/n, you're alone~."

"Y/n, nobody loves you~."

"Y/n, you have no one to take care of you."

"Y/n, join us~." shouted different voices. The voices pounded in my ears as they continued calling my name.

"No!" I screamed and covered my ears.

"Y/n, you'll be alone forever~."

"Y/n." The voices grew louder.

"Y/N, nobody loves you."

"Y/N!" I shot up out of breath and clutched at my raging chest.

"Breathe, Y/n. It's fine. You're safe!" My sister Allison rubbed my back with concern. But my breathing wouldn't calm down. On the contrary, it kept getting worse.

"She can't breathe.." Ben noticed, who was standing right behind her.

"I think she's having a panic attack!" Allison called, turning to our brother. That's all I got, because I had enough to do trying to calm myself down. However, that didn't work. My head was spinning and my body started shaking.

"F-" My sister knelt down next to me again, scared.

"What? What do you need, Y/n?" Her voice trembled as she grabbed my hand.

"F-Fiv- F-Fi-" Her eyes widened as she understood what I was trying to say under my breath.

"Quick! Get Five! And hurry!" she yelled at Ben, who disappeared in a moment, looking for Five. It wasn't long before Five stormed into my room and knelt on the bed next to me. Ben, just behind him.

"Y/n! I'm here. Everything's fine. I'm here now. Breathe, Y/n, breathe." He hugged me as he started to cry. He stroked my hair soothingly when I noticed how my breathing slowly calmed down again.

"Everything will be alright.." he murmured over and over again. When I could move again, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him as tightly as I could.

"I'm not leaving. I'm staying with you. Everything is fine. I won't leave you." he said and I felt his lips on my forehead. I let myself fall into his arms, exhausted. I heard the door shut again and assumed Allison and Ben were gone. He was still stroking my hair when I finally sat up and looked into his eyes. Lovingly he looked back.

"Are you okay?" I nodded softly.

"What did you dream?" he asked me and I looked down brokenly.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me." I looked up at him again and put my hand on his cheek. He raised his hand and wrapped mine in his.

"I was alone. Voices were talking to me. They said nobody loves me. They said I'll be alone forever..." Tears welled up in my eyes.

"But that's exactly what I fear the most. Being alone."

"But you're not alone anymore. We're all here for you. We all love you. And don't let anything or anyone tell you otherwise, okay?" I smiled slightly at his words and nodded. Then he pulled me into a hug again, which of course I returned.

(a/n: srry it's short, but I had no real idea what else to write about it)