Streets

18. The Loss

The feeling of loss is something of great pain. Darnell sat on the concrete as his best friend lay half dead looking at him with a smile, trying hard to mutter the words, "I always got your back." Ashawntee crying begging him not to die, it was all surreal. You never know how much you love someone til they gone, "Chris, bro just hang in there man we gonna get you fixed up." Chris looked at Ashawntee and smiled, a shaky hand caressing her face. Leaving a small streak of his blood, before taking his last breath. "No no no! Please! I love you!" Crying and screaming onto the ears of her lost love, a pain she didn't want to deal with, a pain she knew was a risk being with someone in a gang but it was a risk she took and now it's staring her in the face.
After being taken to the hospital where they were told by doctors there wouldn't have been anything they could do. Darnell sat and listened to the wailing of Chris's mother, the pain he felt was as if he was stabbed with a hot knife through the heart. He looked down at his hands, he had to focus on something or he would just fall apart, "Darnell." That sweet voice, his heart shattered and he broke down and sobbed, Adina sat next to him and held him close. She knew how close they were, losing Chris was as if he lost his brother, "It's okay, it's okay." She held him close and held back the urge to cry. She never seen him like this and it broke her heart. As much as she wanted to hate him, he looked at her with a tear soaked face, "I thought you hated me." She sighed as she wiped his tears, "I don't hate you right now."
Ashawntee didn't know who to run to, how could she tell Dorian that the man she was in love with has been brutally murdered. She went to the only person who helps her in her dark times. Pulling up to Black Moon, she gets out and heads inside. It's early and not a soul is there except Ricky. Walking inside she remembers the times she was a bottle girl here at the club, the dark moments where she was in transition into the woman she is today. It was at this very club that she met Chris. "Well damn, look who decided to grace this club with her presence." Ricky smiled as he walked down the stage toward Ashawntee, his smile slowly faded as he saw her face, "Baby girl what's wrong? Please don't tell me that bastard did you dirty." Ashawntee and Ricky were super close even though in public you wouldn't know it, "Chris...he's dead." Ricky held his chest in compassion and pulled her in for a tight hug as she cried, "Shhh, it's okay chile, come on, I'll make you something that'll help calm ya nerves." Guiding her to the back office he knew exactly how she felt, he's lost too many people he loved to count.
Passing her a warm cup of tea they sat next to each other on the vibrant pink couch in his office, "I know how much you loved that man." Ashawntee sniffled as she took a sip, love wasn't just the thing she felt, she felt anger, something that could have been beautiful was taken from her, "I hate myself for loving him and hating him all at once because of the person he chose to be, before he was taken from this earth." Ricky nodded, "That's how I felt about your mother." Ashawntee looked at him, "You never talk about my mother." Her mother died when she was 6, the memories she had of her are faint because her mother was barely around. "I was 14 years old when I met your mother. I was hiding deep in the closet chile and where I'm from, if you weren't straight then you would burn in hell. Me and my....well my sister now, we hid our true selves within things that wouldn't make people suspicious. Nicki played sports, and I was....a hoe." Ashawntee laughed with Ricky, "But seriously, your mom was beautiful and sweet and she was so much fun. She was the first person I came out to." Ashawntee sat back to listen to the story, "It was our senior year, and for the past three years she was my girlfriend so I would stop getting picked on. She could tell I was different and she was too. However, one night I stopped these fools from raping her at a party and we ran back to my place. She was so grateful, and I don't know maybe she was drunk and I had got high as hell, we just ended up....doing something that I had never completely done before and will never do again. 9 months later she had you." Ashawntee smiled, "So that's how that happened." He nodded, "Shortly after you were born, I came out and crazy enough so did she, she felt like she was supposed to be a man, however as pretty as she was, she tried it for awhile. Short hair, baggy clothes. When you were 6, I know yo auntie told you your mom was killed but I'm sure she didn't tell you why or how. She was murdered by some red neck mufuckas. Raped and killed her, even tried to joke about it. They got theirs though. I say that to say this, your mother was my first love. Despite my feelings. Despite who I am, I loved that woman with everything inside of me and a part of me died when she did." Ashawntee looked down feeling the urge to cry, "It's gonna hurt baby, it's gonna hurt for awhile. But you can't sit in that hurt." Ashawntee knew that, she knew she couldn't fester in this pain for long but for now all she could do was cry.