SHE [Sirius Black x reader]

chapter 4

Y/n

     Cold- it felt as though ice was drowning me, mixing with my blood, going through my veins, and making my lungs struggle to breathe.

     It took me a few moments to figure out that I was in a forest, and although it was dark, I knew I wasn't alone. I was surrounded by pain. Everyone around me was in pain. I tried to make out the figures fighting to keep themselves alive. They only seemed shadows until they spoke, or moved.

     "Run. Save yourself." That voice. The only voice that has ever made me feel butterflies. I fell to my knees, so I could get closer to him, my eyes traveling over his body. He had deep cuts all over his body, blood gushing out of them. His clothes had been ripped by claws, big claws. I could feel his pain radiating off of him, and it was unbearable, but I wished I could take it away from him. I pressed my hands against his stomach, trying to put pressure on his biggest wound, but it didn't help, only managing to cover my hands in his blood.

     Someone a bit further away coughed, and I stood away from Sirius, although it took me some time to convince myself to do so, my heart hurting as I thought about leaving him in this state. As I stepped away, I wiped my hands on my clothes, I couldn't continue with his blood on my hands.

     I crouched down next to the boy who was in an even worse shape than Sirius. James had blood gushing out of his neck, and he struggled to breathe, pushing more and more blood out, through his mouth and nose. His shirt was completely soaked in blood, and my hands searched for my wand, to help him, but it wasn't anywhere around me. I was useless.

     A strangled cry prompted me to look up quickly, trying to find where it came from. I apologised quietly to James as I stood up, leaving him alone in the dark. I caught my foot on a root of a tree, making me stumble and fall forwards. I quickly regained my composure as I stood up, hearing more cries, and letting them guide me to the nearly lifeless body.

     "No. . ." I whispered as I found Remus claw at his face, at his neck, trying to pull his lungs out. "Remus, stop." I said as I let myself fall next to him. I grabbed his hands, pulling them away from his body. He was shaking badly, his skin clammy. I couldn't tell if he was shaking his head as a way to make me let go of his hands, or if he was just losing this battle.

     "I did this. . ." His voice was far from warm and joyful, as it usually was. It lacked anything it had before, and I hated it. I shook my head, feeling the tears that were falling on my cheeks freeze on my skin. "I did this to them. I. . ." I felt his arms go numb in my grasp, his body drifting away from me.

     "No, no, no, no. . ." I was back in my dorm room. In my bed. I exhaled shakily, drying my face with my pajama sleeves. I tried to calm myself down, letting my head fall back on my pillow.

     I tried to go back to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes it was all I could see. My brother laying lifeless in a forest, and I couldn't help him. I could only watch as he passed. Sirius, the way the body I was just admiring a few days ago was trembling from pain. James, how he choked on his own blood.

     I stood up, I had to make sure they were alright. Then I was sure I could go back to sleep.

     I felt goosebumps form on my body as I made my way down hallways, trying to reach the Gryffindor Tower as quickly as possible, sometimes hiding in shadows as I thought I'd heard prefects around me.

     I took a deep breath, trying to calm down my rapidly beating heart, before I knocked on the door that led to their dorm room. I raised my fist, gently hitting the wooden door, I didn't want to wake up the whole floor. I waited for a few seconds, counting to twenty as I hoped Remus had heard me. He's always been a light sleeper, so he should've heard me.

     Nothing happens, the door stays shut, so I raise my hand to knock once more. Before I can do so, it opens slowly, revealing Sirius, his hair even messier than that night at the party, if it was possible. As soon as our eyes met, he opened the door wider, so we could see each other better.

     "What's wrong?" His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes traveled around my face, noticing the tear tracks that have remained on my cheeks.

     "Is Remus here?" I ask quietly, he hesitated for a second, before shaking his head, and resting against the door frame.

     "He isn't." 

     "What do you mean?" I felt my mind go crazy, my anxiety making my heart beat out of my chest. "Where is he?" As soon as Sirius heard the tone of my voice, the tremble behind my question, understood what I meant. That I needed to know he was alright.

     I watched him debate his answer, but he opted against it, saying it how it was. "He's with Dorcas." The silence was deafening, I was so stupid, to bother Sirius with my stupid worry.

     "Oh." I felt my cheeks go red, feeling the need to cover them, so I let my head down. Why was I so nosy? "Sorry." I mumbled, as I took a step away from the door.

     Before I could take another step, Sirius raised his hand towards my face, and I waited, feeling expectancy bloom in my chest. His fingers wrapped gently around one of my hands, pulling me back, his other hand raising towards my face, pushing my face upwards, his hand resting against my cheek.

     "Why were you crying?" I looked away, his gaze, his beautiful eyes, too much for me to bear right now.

     "It's nothing impor-"

     "You came all the way here to check on him, it is important."

     "I had another nightmare. The usual." He closed his eyes, a knowing feeling wrapping around his heart. Worrying over your sibling, having no control over their safety, no way to ensure they were fine.

     "Do you want to talk about it?" I hesitated, because I wasn't sure if he only asked me to be polite, or he actually cared enough to ask about it.

     "Oh, I'm sure you'd rather go back to bed." I said quietly, while shaking my head, not wanting to burden him.

     "There's no way I can let you go back to your Common Room while you're literally shaking." I didn't even realize it until he pointed it out. I wrapped my arms around myself.

     I pulled my legs closer to my body as I rested my hand against the back of the couch, watching as Sirius thought about what I'd told him.

     "I didn't think they were that bad." He admitted, his eyebrows furrowed. The bags under his eyes were more prominent now, as were mine, since it was nearly 6 a.m., and we've been talking about nightmares for about three hours.

     "Some of them are worse than others, so they're not always that disturbing."

     "You shouldn't have this issue in the first place."

     "Yeah, well Remus shouldn't have that issue, either." I paused for a moment. "We all need to live with our ghosts, I guess." He mulled over my words, and I could tell his thoughts were far away.

     "Do you really think that it'd help you with your nightmares?" I knew what he was talking about, so I nodded.

     "All my nightmares are about his transformations, if I'd be there-"

     "You'd know what he'd be doing and you wouldn't worry that something bad was happening." He concluded. He understood. "Fine." My eyes widened, my face lighting up.

     "Thank you!" I squealed, trying to control myself from literally jumping from my seat.

     "I don't like keeping things from them, Y/n."

     "Neither do I." I said honestly.