SHE [Sirius Black x reader]

chapter 3

   Y/n

     "You don't want to help me." I concluded dramatically, raising my eyes from the potions essay I was writing. He glanced exasperatedly at me, sighing before resting his quill on a few books we brought with us to the library.

     "It's not that I don't want to-"

     "You just won't help me." I cut him off, trying to keep from smiling as I felt his eyes burn through the side of my face. I kept my gaze fixed on my paper, although I was far from focused on whatever was written on it.

     "It's dangerous, Y/n."

     "Don't you think I know that? I'd rather you help me, Reg."

     "I don't know anything about Animagi. It's way too easy to make mistakes. Especially when you might end up half human, half animal."

     "I have to help him." Moments from my nightmares flashed through my mind, and I couldn't keep going like this, the anxiety I always felt made even the easiest tasks seem impossible.

     I repeated my speech again and again in my mind, so I woulnd't mess it up. I hoped it would be convincing enough. Rounding yet another corner, I noticed all the students that were heading in the same direction I was. Why was everyone going to the Gryffindor Tower? Of course they were throwing a party. This was going to be harder than I'd thought.

     I managed to sneak past the Fat Lady with a group of Ravenclaws, trying to ignore the dirty looks they kept sending my way. As soon as I entered the Common Room, my eyes traveled to where my brother and his friends usually sat- the dark red couch in front of the fireplace. I exhaled in relief when I recognized the back of Remus' head, who sat next to Peter where I expected them to. Then my eyes moved across the crowds, trying to find Sirius, but it was impossible, literally everyone was wearing black, and the dim light didn't help.

     Then I heard it. His laugh. I tried to ignore the feeling of my stomach dropping at the sound, my eyes scanning every single person there was. Of course, I thought sarcastically, why didn't I think of this? He was in front of a table, which was supposed to be a makeshift bar, handing everyone various drinks. I took a deep breath, before making my way to him.

     When I was in front of him, I was disappointed when he just mindlessly handed me a drink, not even looking at me. I pushed his hand back, but decided against it, taking the glass out of his hand. I needed it.

     "Sirius." I say to him, but he didn't hear me over the loud music, so I cleared my throat, saying his name louder. As soon as the word left my mouth, his head snapped in my direction, his eyes widening as he noticed the glass in my hand. He stepped away from the table, coming over to me.

     He ducked his head, so he could be closer to my ear. "What are you doing here?" He paused, looking around. "Remus doesn't know you're here, does he?" I shook my head, starting to feel bad about everything. But I was already here, I've come all this way to talk to him, so I will.

     "We need to talk. I need your help." He nodded, waiting for me to continue, but I shook my head as my eyes looked towards where my brother sat. "Not here."

     "Come with me." He gestured for me to follow him as he made his way through the crowds of drunk students. He was walking in front of me, clearing the way so I could easily follow him, but of course someone had stumbled, and I couldn't stop before walking into him. The drink slipped from his hand, its contents spilling over my shirt. I didn't really care for it, since it was an old shirt, the material thinning through the years. 

     "Don't worry about it." I mumbled as I heard the guy's apology. It wasn't on purpose, so why would I want to make a scene? Sirius must've noticed that I wasn't following him anymore, so he turned back for me. He grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him.

     "Oh, Black! Already got someone going up with you I see!" Some guy hyped him up as we passed him, and I wanted the Earth to swallow me whole. Sirius said something I couldn't hear,  but if it was anything close to the look on his face, he wasn't at all pleased with the comment.

     He closed the door after me, gesturing for me to sit on his bed, but I refused, I didn't think I could sit still while doing this. 

     "So it's bad." He decided, walking past me and sitting on his bed. He watched me, seeing how I pulled on my fingers, cracking my knuckles nervously. "Don't worry, Y/n. It's only me." I nodded, finally looking properly at him. He was so handsome, his hair messy, his shirt hanging loosely on his broad shoulders. 

     "I need you to help me become an Animagus." I blurted, forgetting all about the speech I'd planned. His eyebrows cast shadows over his eyes as he furrowed them, his forehead wrinkling.

     "No way." He shook his head, looking away from me. 

     "Please, Sirius. I-"

     "Stop, Y/n. I can't help you with this." 

     "Then I'll do it by myself."

     "You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

     "Frankly, I don't care." I didn't know where this confidence was coming from, but I loved it. I felt powerful. Sirius stood up suddenly, walking towards me. 

     "You might not, but you know who does. You really want to do this to him?" He questioned, making my thoughts falter. Some part of my mind knew he had a point, but I was too proud to admit it. 

     "Not everything is about him! I need to do this, Sirius!" I finally said it. I've never let myself admit this before, voicing the thoughts I've been having for a while. I paused, exhaling slowly. "You don't understand." He shook his head, making yet another step in my direction.

     "No, you don't understand!" He raised his voice, making me take a step back, towards the door. "It's so painful." I swallow dryly as he takes yet another step in my direction. Our chests were nearly touching, if we were to breathe harder, they'd be fighting for space.  

     "Remus goes through worse pain every month, I can do this." I shook my head, trying to regain the newfound confidence I seem to have already lost.

     "You won't be able to sleep at night!" His voice was growing louder and louder with each word, his face getting closer to mine. I tried to take a few steps back, but I hit the door, trapping me. He came even closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine. I watched as he ducked his head, holding my breath as I waited to see what he was going to do. "I can't let you do this." He whispered, as I closed my eyes quickly, anger fueling the tears that were threatening to fall. I felt his breath fan over my cheeks, prompting me to open my eyes, 

     "I won't change my mind, Sirius." I said just as quietly as he spoke. I needed him to understand that there was no way I wasn't going to do this.

     "It's a month of pain-"

     "It's worth it!" I couldn't keep my voice down anymore, the anger I felt rise in my chest was going to make me explode. Sirius only shook his head, so I continued. "I'm going to do this anyway, with or without your help." I said, raising my head so I could properly look at him. 

     "Don't come crying to me when you can't bear the pain." He sounded defeated, like he gave up. He stepped away from me, reaching for the door handle. I moved as he pulled the door open, waiting for me to leave. "I have a party to get back to." I rolled my eyes as I pulled past him, how could my brother be friends with him? He was so cocky.

     "You're impossible." I mumbled, as I left his dorm room. 

     "Says you." He retored as he made his way down the stairs, leaving me by myself.