SHE [Sirius Black x reader]

Guilty Conscience

I didn't know how I was supposed to go to my brother to tell him that I was ready to go with him and the guys tonight. He'd probably be incredibly mad at me. He'd tell me that I'd risked my life doing this for nothing, because I wasn't ever going to the Shrieking Shack with them. Because of that I'd decided that it'd be better to not tell him. Did I feel horrible for keeping so many secrets these last few months? Yeah, of course, but everything I did was for him.

I found Sirius as he was walking towards the Gryffindor Tower and I stopped him, happy that he was alone. Little did I know that he actually wasn't. My brother and his friends were there, I just couldn't see them.
"Hi, Sirius- wait." I said as I ran to catch up with him. He turned towards me, his expression unreadable, making me furrow my eyebrows.
   "What's wrong with you?" I asked him softly. He looked like he was up to something and was trying to hide it from me. He rubbed the back of his neck, carefully looking around him.
     "I don't think you should come tonight. It'd be better if we waited a bit more, to know for sure that you can do it at anytime." He sighed, he knew Remus was going to be pissed, but he couldn't say anything that could actually point towards the truth.
"Why? Remus doesn't have to know, I could always sneak after he transforms and go away before he comes back. He'd never know." I said, not knowing that Remus was there and heard everything. His mind was spinning, thinking of something completely different.
"Y/n, I don't have time right now to discuss this with you. We'll talk some other time." He said, but before I could say anything else he stormed off.
I stayed there for a few seconds, just looking at where he was standing before he dramatically left. I shrugged, turning around and walking towards my common room.

Meanwhile, in the Marauders' dorm, Sirius was sitting guiltily on his bed, his eyes not meeting Remus' as he was pacing around the room.
"What did you mean when you said not tonight? First of all, it's a Full Moon and you know what that means, second of all, she's my sister. My twin sister. You wouldn't dare touch her in any way that's more than friendly." He said as his eyes darkened at his friend.
"Mate, I swear to you that it's not what you think it is. I just... I can't tell you right now." 
"Do you know how bad that sounds?" Remus shook his head. Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Remus cut him off before he even started.
     "I just want to know this.  Is it about some boy?" Sirius seemed to think about it and weigh his answers.
    "Well, it depends. It is about a boy, but it's not what you think it is."

Later that evening, I waited outside for the boys to finally go to the Shrieking Shack. I waited for the Whomping Willow to wake up before I started making my way towards the tree.
     Right before I touched its trunk, I heard Remus yell in pain. I froze, my hand forgetting to immobilize the tree. Its big branches came my way, waking me out of my daze. When I finally pressed its trunk, the Willow immediately stopped moving.
I didn't know if I was supposed to transform before I slipped in, or after I entered the Shack, but I decided I wasn't taking any risks tonight and transformed before joining the others in the scary house.
     As soon as I slipped past some boxes that were covering the entrance, their heads turned towards me. Padfoot's eyes widened, while Prongs just shook his head. I couldn't see Wormtail anywhere, but he was probably hiding somewhere, he was a rat after all.
     A low growl sounded throughout the whole house, making everyone look towards a door that was in the shadow.
Remus had probably smelled something new and different on my coat as he approached me. I decided it'd be better to not move and wait for him to do something, not wanting to anger him. But the first thing he did after he approached me, was to push me with into a wall.
     I yelped, standing back up, not wanting to show the others that he'd hurt me. Remus was once again coming towards me, but this time Padfoot jumped on him before he could touch me again. Prongs joined him, both of them scratching and pushing him around the room. I thought it'd be a good idea to help them, but my smell only angered him further. He clawed at my fur, the white quickly becoming red.
I screamed in pain, my hands trying to touch my back to check how damaged it'd gotten. My eyes widened as I looked at my bloodied fingers. Those were fingers. My fingers. I was human. I raised my eyes towards my brother, in time to see him try to reach me, but Padfoot and Prongs came to stand before me. I started shaking from the pain, but also the fact that I couldn't turn back into my Animagus from. The boys would be able to keep him away from me for only some time before they got tired and Remus got to me.
I tried to find some kind of an escape, but seeing there was nothing. I just closed my eyes, hot tears making their way down my face.
     "It's fine boys, you can let him get me." I said, my voice breaking.
     Padfoot made some sort of sign that I assumed only Prongs could understand and let him take over. I felt his wolf teeth grab my shirt, pulling me out of the room through a hole in the wall. He continued pulling me until we reached the outside of the Shack, where he also transformed back into his human form.
"What were you thinking?" He asked lowly into the dark night. I shrugged, studying the grass that was under me.
   "I don't know. I thought I had it under control."
"You obviously didn't. You could've died. I told you earlier today that it'd have been better if you waited some more. I wasn't joking. It's extremely dangerous." I didn't say anything, too occupied with keeping my breathing as even as possible, so I could stop myself from crying. He didn't even spare me a glance. "What are we going to tell Remus? That I'd helped you become an unregistered Animagus, which is illegal, might I add? Then you didn't listen to me and sneaked in the Shrieking Shack, where he actually tried to kill you and you turned back into your human form and couldn't turn back? As an animal, you had lesser chances of being killed by him. What if we couldn't have held him back? You would've been dead by now. And what were we supposed to tell Remus? That he'd killed his twin sister and I had something to do with it?" After everything he'd told me, I couldn't even think about not crying. What I did to Remus was far from helping him.
As the adrenaline left my body, everything was coming back to me. I started feeling a burning pain in my back, where my t-shirt was pressing on my wounds. I hissed, not wanting to alert Sirius of my pain, it'd make everything even worse.
    He was angrily puffing on a cigarette, trying to calm himself down. Of course he heard me.
    "Turn around." He said as he puffed out some smoke. I shook my head.
   "I'm fine, I should get back to my dorm." 
"Hogwarts' a long way away from here, we're in Hogsmeade, the only safe way you could return to the castle. Turn around, I can't let you walk away with a huge gash on your back or something." 
I exhaled shakily as I turned around and Sirius lifted my shirt, the cold air hitting my open wound.
    "This looks bad." He said and I laughed dryly.
    "Can you please not say anything about this to Remus?" I asked hopefully. He didn't say anything, so I continued. "He'd be really mad and he'd feel incredibly guilty. But then he'd get angry because I didn't listen to him."
"That's exactly why I'm going to tell him. Because you shouldn't have done it. He knows you, we all do and you should've listened to us."
"But you helped me." I scoffed, making him laugh dryly.
    "Only because you asked so nicely." At his words I pulled my shirt down, covering my bleeding back and turning around to face him before saying.
   "I knew I shouldn't have asked you." I turned around to leave, but he grabbed my wrist and turned me to face him once again.
"I needed to teach you a lesson." He growled. I raised my eyebrows at him.
    "What makes you think you could teach me anything? I only came to you to ask for your help. You could've turned me down." I said lowly.
"And let you transform on your own? I don't think so, Y/n. We both know that if I wouldn't have agreed, you would've done it by yourself."
"Maybe I should've, perhaps you wouldn't have felt guilty if you wouldn't have been there every step of the way."
"Damn it!" He yelled as he punched a tree that was close to him. I jumped, not expecting him to react this way.
   "You should go, you need to rest and I need to go back to help your brother." He said tiredly, rubbing his eyes.
I turned around, new tears making their way down my face. These were another kind of tears, these were something I haven't experienced before. Were they from the guilt of dragging Sirius into this mess I call my life? Or were they because I loved him even more after he showed me he cared?

Author's Note: So, this chapter is a rollercoaster. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, it's 3.30 am and I'm incredibly tired, but I wanted to write this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it!!