SHE [Sirius Black x reader]

chapter 2

August 31st, 1975

Y/n

     Turning on one side, waiting a few moments to see if it felt right before turning on the other, and then repeating the same actions again and again, I tried to find to best position to sleep in, the warmth surrounding my body making it impossible for me to relax enough to fall asleep. I pushed the blanket at the end of the bed, breathing in the stuffy air, then sitting up and pulling it back over my feet- without it I felt as though something was going to grab my legs and pull me off the bed.  

     I'd decided to blame the weather and the fact that tomorrow was starting another school year for the anxiety I felt, instead of admitting that it was because the Full Moon that was shining down through my bedroom window left me wondering if my brother was alright. Or was it because I never went to sleep before 3 a.m. during the summer? It must've been exactly this, I allowed, seeing as it was currently 23:47. 

     I hated the nights ever since the accident, as my brother liked to call it: it was the only time when I allowed my mind to drift towards the thoughts I'd pushed away during the day: they were always the same, so if keeping them away helped keep the anxiety at bay, it also saved me from boredom. Imagine thinking about the same thing day after day. 

     Darkness appeared at the edges of my mind, wrapping around it, just like fog covers a lake after it rains. Rain. I felt my hair fall heavy on my shoulders, beads of water quickly making their way down strands that were tangled in a mix of sweat and blood. I raised my hand to wipe my mouth, my lips were wet, I felt the familiar metallic taste of blood, the unbereable smell pressing down on my forehead, and prompting a headache to form.

     I took a few steps in front of me, noticing a light far away, giving away the form of a body crouching next to it. Suddenly, I'm standing right behind the person- a woman was kneeling next to a body, trying to use herself as a shield. Taking a smaller step, I exhale shakily- it was Remus, but his face had no scars, his cheeks were pale, his eyes closed. 

     "Remus?" I try, but instead of my brother's name a low growl came out. Finally, the woman turned her head, her usually soft eyes were now red, her cheeks puffy. Ma. She sat up, raising her hands so she could protect herself and Remus. She doesn't have magic, but she doesn't need it when it comes to protecting her children. 

     "Stay away!" Her voice was rough from crying, her breath shallow. "Look what you've done, you monster!" My whole body froze, my feet now glued to the ground. She was coming towards me, but I couldn't move. I tried to beg her for forgivness, to let her know that I felt the guilt every minute of every day. She pushed me with all her strenght, pulling me out of my shock. I took a step back, tripping over something that hadn't been there seconds before. I turn my head slightly, but as I did so, I understood what she'd meant: all around us were bodies, laying on the floor, lifeless. My eyes went over every single one of them- I saw Pa, he was the one I tripped over, Sirius, James, Regulus, Andromeda, and even some of my professors. 

     One of the bodies, one that was further away from me, moved. My breath hitched in my throat as I made my way towards it. His dark hair was spread out on the rough cobblestone, his face contorted from the pain he must've felt. My heart broke at the sight of Sirius fighting to breathe. I kneeled next to him, reaching out to take his hand in mine. His eyes opened at my touch, jumping slightly at the contact.

     "It has always been you- you are the reason everyone's dead. . ." His voice faded away with each word he muttered, but even if his lips were moving, I couldn't hear what followed.

     I feel a hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me. As I pay more attention to the touch that was trying to grasp my attention, I hear voices surround my mind. Calls of Y/n, sweets, and sugar  fill my ears, pulling me from the darkness surrounding me.