Keep me Sane N.H.

6

"Avery!" My mother shouted as reached me. She places a deadly grip on my upper arm and roughly pulls me back to the house.  "Avery, get back in the house you hear me? You cannot have such childish behavior and expect this boy to stay. I don't even know why he's decided to even wait until you came back -heck, he was going to come after you himself, but that's just plain embarrassing. Learn to control your temper or I'm going to have to control it myself."

And just like that, I yanked myself away from her. I felt the aftermath sting of my mother trying to keep a grip on me by sinking her nails into my skin. The only protection I had was the sleeve of the dress and even that stop the pain. I look at her like the thing she is: a monster. Somewhere on her face I read regret, but it wouldn't be enough for me to forgive her.

I rush upstairs and into my bedroom, making sure my location was heard with a thunderous door slam. They have no idea how much I resent being related to them. How could they expect me to have good relationships with other people if I didn't have good relationships with my family? I never understood why my parents always have to be so nosy. Can't they just leave me alone like before? It's not like they actually care. Because if they did, they wouldn't be trying to make me someone else's problem to fix.

I wish I could just end it all, but I can't. I was meant to suffer and the only way to continue to suffer is as long as I continue to live. NO. No. No, there's more to it than that. I had to not want to end things; I had to hate the lame life I live, but continue living it for me. No one else but me. Maybe just a little for Niall...

But even then it was too hard. No matter how much I told myself that I'd find another way to fight, to hold on just a bit longer, I'd eventually cave again. Because I was everything but strong, everything but normal, everything but hopeful... everything but sane.

Quietly I sob going to lay down on my bed. I grab my journal and begin to write my thoughts down.

I don't know what I want anymore. I honestly don't know. I don't think it was a good idea of Niall coming here tonight. He's better off not having to face my bullshit. I mean, he himself has some stuff going on and he doesn't need my problems adding on to that. He shouldn't even know about my problems, since I barely even know any of his. Maybe it's better for him to leave, otherwise my parents will keep bothering him and irritate me. I don't want to do that to him. For all I know, dragging him into my problems will only destroy me afterwards. But I know he wouldn't do that to me, I just know... But then again, I don't necessarily know everything about him. 

 Why would I think he would destroy me? Make fun of me? I know that I don't know him that long and maybe I shouldn't trust him, but I just do. There is just something about him that makes me feel like I can be the person I was meant to be, the person who could have been normal.

I hear a crack nearing my bedroom door.  I instantly shove the journal under my pillow and sit up straight.

"Hey," Niall says.

"Hi," my voice cracked an echo through the silent room. I look away from him to the ground. Eye contact seems to be the thing that tells him a lot about me. That should be the thing I avoid the most with him. "Look I'm sorry about my-"

"Don't you worry about your parents. Mine can be that way too." He assures me. "Are you okay?" He asks coming in and closing the door behind him. 

"Yeah I'm okay." I say watching every move he made, but not daring enough to look him in the eye. He slowly walks toward my bed, walking around to sit on the edge beside me. 

"Do I have to act like I believe you're actually okay?" I sigh, turning my head over to my shoulder farther from him and shrug. 

"I don't know. That's up to you." I feel his fingertips brush gently against my jaw which caught me off guard. He slowly turns my head so that I face him, and he softly pushed my chin up.

"Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye." I turned away once again, wanting to hide the creeping blush that was soon to show up on my cheeks.

"Silly," I remark.

"Please stop looking away." He once again places his hands against my jaw to that, in a way, I'm forced to look at him. "It's like prohibiting me from seeing your face, seeing that wonderful smile placed on your lips." 

I didn't even notice that I was smiling until he mentioned it. Come to think of it, I didn't notice that his hand was cupping my cheek until now. I also became aware that the other hand rested on my side. I look at the skin contact between us before I look at him. It was like an electrostatic gravity pulling us together as a current of mixed emotions ran through my body. Everything just tingled when his lips came closer and his eyes closed. Right at the moment our lips touched for two seconds, I pulled back. 

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Here's an updateeee yay! Sorry for the waiting :/