Keep me Sane N.H.

5

The nerves were getting to me.

Dinner.

I flattened my dress out, it  was a long sleeve, at least long enough to cover the healing scars. I glanced at myself in the mirror. I had pulled my hair into a high braided ponytail and made sure that my faded bruises would appear. I wanted them to know that the pain was going away. I was going to be okay. At least for now, that is.

I breathed out looking at the time. Niall was going to arrive anytime soon. I made myself blush at the thought of him seeing me dress to impress him and in enjoying his company. However I won’t be the only one enjoying his presence. My parents and my brother seemed more excited than I was. They really didn’t have any hope in me being able to make friends, so for Niall to show up, trying to turn my life around, knowing what’s wrong with me and staying, meant a lot to my parents.

I looked over to my journal. I guess I had a bit of time to write something down…

Sanity has managed to find me once again. I am now fighting the battle against myself. For survival. I am slowly learning to decrease the idea of self damage and now focusing on running. Running from all the pain and from those who cause it. And even when it all seems lost, he seems to guide me back to the world. He finds me because he is my sanity. Niall can keep me sane…

“Avery! Come down here and help set up the table!” My mother shouted up the stairs. Sighing, I shut my journal and place it in my nightstand. I make my way downstairs, watching my feet with every step I take. It’s silent so I look up to see my parents and my brother gave me estranged looks, almost as if they no longer knew who I was.

Not that they knew me before…

“What?” I questioned. My mother stands closer to my father with a smile. My brother gives me a smirking look.

“You haven’t dressed like that since-” Since the last time I was actually happy.

“Mom please, don’t make me regret coming down here like this.”

“Okay, okay, okay; just help me set the table.” We head in the direction of the kitchen to pull plates, cups, coasters, and eating utensils. When I’m setting the last plate, the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it.” My brother said. He approached the door as I continued to place the last plate down. I hear the door open, voices, and movement toward the dining room. I was scared to look up. Scared of losing myself in his eyes, his smile, in him.

“Avery,” his voice hummed in my ears. I look up to make eye contact with my parents. I know he’s standing behind me, waiting for my words to be directed towards him. My parents send me an imperative smile to turn around. I inhale and exhale, plastering a smile. The false smile fell as my eyes laid upon him. His hair was tousled, he wore a white dress shirt and black skinny jeans. He held a two bouquets of roses. He handed one to my mother and leans over to hand the other to me. “You look stunning.” My cheeks heat up in response.

“Why thank you Niall. Avery place these in water for me will you?” I sent her a small a glare and avoided giving a grunt. I forced a smile and took her bouquet. I knew she intended mischief. She wanted something from Niall without knowing.

I pulled two vases from under the sink and fill them with water. I place her bouquet down on a side table and quickly rush pass the dining room to take my bouquet to my room. Slowly, I take in the scent of the roses and smiled hoping for an okay night.

Dinner began silently. I was seated in front of Niall, and next to my brother. I avoided contact with everyone because I knew they were ready for me to do something. I take a small glance and all eyes on me. I clear my throat to draw away the attention.

“So Niall, where did you meet Avery?”

And the torture begins.

I’m about to say something, but my father sends me deadly glances that say I leave my mother alone. I look back down to my plate.

“I met her at group therapy.”

“Oh? Why do you go? You seem-”

“Mom, please.” I tell her.

“It’s okay Avery,” Niall assures with a smile. “I go to learn to cope with my girlfriend’s passing.”

“Oh I’m so sorry to hear that,” my mother responds. LIE. If she was sorry to hear that, she wouldn’t have bothered asking why he’s even there. “How’d you two begin talking?”

“We just did.” I say. My mother snaps her head towards me and with that signal, no other word was going to come out of me. I think Niall notices the tension between my family and me. He gives me a quick reassuring smile.

“So Niall, you know about Avery’s situation.” Situation? My situation? What that I cut myself because they haven’t supported me like a family should? They stay out of my life as much as they can and think some therapist is going to help me. You know you’d expect that with a ‘situation’ like this you’d become closer with your family, but that doesn’t seem to the case with me.

“I do.” Niall replies.

“And you’re okay with that?” Why should he be? It’s not his problem anyway.

“I mean we all have problems we face, we just tend to face them differently. And now that I know her, and that I’m her friend. She’ll never have to face this alone.” I look up at Niall, and there’s no doubt in my mind that he means every word he said.

“Avery, isn’t your school having a dance next Saturday?” I give my mother a strange look.

“Yeah,” I said unsurely.

“You should go,” she insisted.

“You know I hate school dances,” I reply.

“Oh but honey, you could make friends at the dance!” Or I could get mauled by three she-devils in the bathroom. Just saying.

“I’d rather not.”

“And you could always,” don’t say it, “ask,” don’t say it “Niall.” I give her a hostile glance and all she did was return it. I placed my hands on the armrests, pushed the chair out, stood, and headed toward the door.

“Avery!” My father shouted, but I ran. I needed to get away and that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t look back because no one would be coming after me. No one ever does.

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Soooo it's a long time ago I posted something.... I've been very bussy with school stuff -.-'

And I don't know when the next update will be

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