Keep me Sane N.H.

8

Mondays.
Unpleasant as always.
"I'm leaving! Make sure you get to school on time!" My mother shouted from downstairs.
"Kay..." I said more to myself than to my mum. It's not like she could hear me anyways.
Once I heard the door shut, I made my way downstairs, went into the kitchen, and poured myself some coffee. By this time, I had the house all to myself. Mom leaves to work and Dad leaves even earlier than she does. And he's rarely home due to his "business trips."
Once done with my coffee, I made my way to the physical representation of hell people call school.
I got to school late. I don't like getting to school late because the moment I step into the class all eyes are drawn over to me. Other than that, I quite enjoy being late. For me it means less time in hell.
When got to Advanced Math, as expected, everyone stared upon my entrance. I made my way over to the corner seat that no one occupied. I could feel the students' eyes follow behind me. But I wasn't putting up with their bullshit anymore. Once I sat down, I sent a deadly glare to those who dared to keep staring. That was enough to make people turn back around.
I glance over to the clock and sigh.
Only seven hours and thirty-seven minutes of hell left.
***
"Have you tried speaking to him?" Miss Addison asked. I shake my head.
I haven't spoken to him for the past two months.
Niall...
I can't stop thinking about him. I was thinking too much about him. Somehow, I desired to hold him again because he made me feel better but he also made me feel the opposite. I'm still fighting with myself if I should forgive him and get to see him again or to just forget him.
Because every time I thought of him, I also thought of someone else.
Acelyn.
Was she the girlfriend that died? Was he desperate need to ease the pain that he used me to substitute for her? Because calling me by her name made me think he doesn't want to let go.
It changed me and it changed how I saw him. The boy I thought was like an angel that helped me out of hell. The boy who I thought that kept me sane.
After what happened with Niall, I decided that I needed to heal old wounds. And if I wanted to stop feeling so shitty, I had to open up to Miss Addison. I even told her about Niall. I wanted to ask her questions, ask her about him. After all, she was his therapist too. But that information was confidential. She couldn't tell me anything if she wanted to.
And although I was constantly hurt from his name and Acelyn, I was doing much better than before. Niall let me feel better about myself, but I believe I can carry on without him.
"Do you want to talk to him?" Miss Addison questioned.
"All the time." I sighed.
"I can arrange a session for the two of you if you'd like." She smiled. My eyes flicker over to her.
"No. I'm not ready."
"Alright." She smiles once more. "How was school?"
She jots something down on her notepad that sparks my curiosity. Is there something she's writing that she's not mentioning? Is there something she notices is wrong with me?
She looks at me as if waiting for me to say something.
Oh, school.
I shrug my shoulders. "I've had better days."
Talking about school. The she-devils restrain themselves every now and then since someone reported that they were caught bullying some girl in grade 9. If they ever do find the time and chance to attack me verbally and physically, they do. It isn't as bad as it used to be, they both still hurt very much . And I don't know which one is worse.
"I wish I didn't have to go though."
"Well Avery, that's the beauty about free will. You can choose not to go to school."
"I know, but the only reasons I'm averaging my grades and going to school is to leave. I mean, I don't want to be stuck with my parents all my life. I want to be able to go to Uni and get a sense of a new start."
"Don't you sometimes think it's worth going through a little struggle now so you don't have to later? Because right now you're struggling. You are a strong girl Avery because you're still here and you are making an effort to keep going." The session timer goes off. "That is it for today Avery."
I couldn't believe it, but-
I frowned.
Part of me didn't want it to be over. I didn't want to go home just yet.
I gathered my things and stood up. I looked over to the coffee table and picked up my journal. I contemplated on allowing Miss Addison to read it, but I felt like I wasn't ready. Or done with what I had to share. I slid my journal into my bag.
"Miss Addison?" I say. She looks up at me. "Thank you."
"Anytime."
I exit her office. I was glancing down at the ground when I heard someone clear their throat. I look up into the waiting room only to see the blonde haired boy who always managed to make me forget the hurt with his presence. The boy who made me forget about the worries in the world and made me feel normal.
But as healing as he made me feel, hurt hits me just as fast.
Acelyn.
I kept walking.
"Avery." He got up and stood right in front of me. I try to move around him but he won't let me get through.
"Get out of my way." I say with a harsh tone. I push past his shoulder and run out to the hall.
I repeatedly press the button to the elevator as if it were to make it arrive faster.
"Avery!" I hear. Anyone who was passing by look towards Niall's direction. I look at the number of the the elevator. It was on the eleventh floor. I was on the fifth.
I take the stairs.
Two months. Two fucking months.
When I reached the lobby, I was sure that I had escaped him. I knew I failed when I heard: "Avery, wait!" I completely stop in my tracks and turn to face him.
"What Niall? What do you want?"
"How have you been?" He asks. I fumed with anger.
How have I been? You have got to be kidding me.
I turned around, but he got a grip of my wrist.
"I'm sorry and I miss you." He said waiting for an answer. I yank my hand away from his grip.
Is that everything he had to say? After two months? I expected more for an apology.
"Avery, talk to me." I stopped once more.
"You want me to talk to you? I don't hear from you for two months, Niall. Two fucking months! Not even to explain yourself to me. You used me to heal yourself."
Niall's expression is filled with pain. I briefly look around to notice about thirteen people in the lobby. Some briefly stared, others looked away.
"Avery I-"
"I'm not done." I cut him off. "I thought you were trying to help me, but you were only helping yourself. Because you couldn't deal with the fact that she killed herself and you did nothing to prevent it! And somehow you thought stopping me from doing the same would ease your guilt? I've attempted suicide four times. My parents are only aware of my last one because it landed me in the hospital. So tell me Niall, do you feel better about yourself? Because I feel fucking fantastic."
I wasn't until I stopped talking that I realized I was crying at this point. Niall shut his eyes, trying to hold any emotion back.
"I wish I could take back what I said that night but I know I can't. I know it's something you're probably replaying in your head and I can't stop it. But if you let me in, if you could just forgive me, I can explain it all. I want to make it up to you. So please let me in again. I know it's hard, but just give me a chance."
"The only person I'm giving a chance to is myself. I'm giving myself the chance to live and move on, and get away from everyone who just hurt me..." I gulp. "Unfortunately, you're one of those people."
And with my last spoken words, I walked out of the building with tears rolling down my cheeks.
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A/n
I'm so sorry for the wait:o but here is chapter 8! We hope you like it