Keep me Sane N.H.

7

I blink a few times before processing what had just occurred.

His lips were against mine...

His eyes went wide in panic, unsure what to do or say next.

"Avery I-" I reapply my lips to his. Before I can piece together what's happening, I feel the warmth of his hands travel up and down my back. I could feel my fingers slowly entangle and slip between his small, thin locks of hair. I begin to lean back, slowly sinking onto the mattress of my bed. His hands trace the outline of my waist. Every single place of contact felt the absence of heat when his hands moved away.

The warmth of his lips moved away from mine and down to my jawline as he planted as many small, sweet kisses as he could. This moment was therapeutic. If I would have known that group therapy was going to get me here then...

I should have signed up sooner.

"Oh Acelyn," Niall whispers between the trail of kisses. Did he just call me Acelyn? Maybe I heard wrong. "Acelyn." He says again. And what felt like therapy felt like a flame over my heart. Bewildered, I shoved him away.

"Did I do something wrong Avery?" What you did? No, that felt right. It's what you said that made the difference.

"You called me Acelyn." His eyes went wide and that for me said enough.

"I- you see- I- she-" I shook my head and childishly, covered my ears. I didn't want to hear anything from him. I thought he liked me for me and here he is pretending someone I'm not because he can't have her. As if I didn't feel worthless enough. Niall frowns, turning his gaze towards the ground. He took that moment to head to my door. He looked at me with his sad, stupid, adoring eyes. "Please don't do anything to yourself Avery. I know I'm a screw up, but that doesn't I have to be the reason why you hurt yourself."

"You don't know my reasons why, so stop trying to act like you do. The only reason you're here is because you're trying to fix me so you feel better about yourself. I'm not a toy Niall, I'm more like glass. I shatter and I can't be put back together."

"Avery-"

"Get out." I hold back the raging tears. Holding back my raging tears reminded me I was hopeless. Holding back was the reminder that what I felt on the inside could not be expressed on the outside. And sometimes it's the pain from the cut that removes the pain of thought.

I went back to solo therapy. Every time I came out of sessions, part of me hoped that I wouldn't see Niall; the other part of me hoped he'd be sitting on the second seat against the wall like always. I felt relieved when I didn't see him because I knew. I knew if I saw him, I'd forgive him. And that's a problem because I don't forgive very easily. At this point, nothing was keeping me sane because I didn't have him. But maybe this was a chance. Maybe I should keep myself sane. Sure the thought of Niall was calming, but the thought of me being me was too. So for now, I keep me sane.

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a/n

Hey! Aundreyy here. I'm Suzan's co-writer. I'm sorry she hasn't updated, but that's because we take turns writing chapters and it was my turn to write, so I'm super sorry on the late update. I just go back to school and I am horrible with time management. Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter. And again, sorry on my behalf.