Empty Connections

Chapter Eight

Cameron Shannon has filled my mind quicker than I want to admit. Just the sight of his fluffy blonde hair, poking up in all directions has begun to send little flutters down my spine and into my stomach. I hate it; only I don't.

I want to though; it would make all of this easier. I don't like hiding things from my friends but when it comes to him it almost feels like I don't have any other choice, I don't know what I'm doing. With any of it, the kiss, the butterflies, the- the letting him crawl into my bed with me to tell me stupid stories, one's I wouldn't have cared about a month ago.

I know that people date, and that people in friendship groups date, it is almost inevitable. I never wanted that to be me, I still don't, and that just makes this feeling all the more confusing, because when I look at him all those well thought out reasons go out the window.

No one would ever admit it, maybe I am the only one thinking this but Sam and Sophie, when he left us all. No matter how in the wrong he was, it changed the dynamic of our group and sure, we would recover. Except I don't want it to change in the first place.

So, this morning, before everyone could come around to study, or have breakfast before classes. I darted out of the house, I know Cam won't notice that I am avoiding him, but I still feel guilty, that's the reason I left.

I can't be feeling guilty, I can't let myself get all excited to see him and talk to him, because talking and bonding means sharing things about our lives, and ourselves, I have spent so long keeping the walls and boundaries in place. But if Cam looks at me with those sweet blue eyes, then I'll want to divulge all of it, except I really don't want to let someone in that far.

God, this man makes me confused. I can't even tell what I really want anymore, can't tell up from down and if I want any chance at a good grade on this essay, then I can't be around him. Otherwise, I swear to god this essay will just be a bunch of random words typed in between not at all sly glances at him.

"Fancy seeing you here!" My stomach drops as Simon plops down in front of me, with a singular textbook and his laptop, he's smiling brightly at me. The guilt from wanting to end our friendship rearing its head again.

"Well, it is a library" I shrug, giving him a tight smile before focusing back on my laptop, but he doesn't stop staring my way. "Yes?"

"Just excited that we bumped into each other, I never heard back from you the other day" I really did end up forgetting to reply to him, probably because Cam was in my bed- and my head.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that. Just been doing things with my friends and focusing on a bunch of assessments that I have due" I explain, the smile I give him feeling more like a grimace.

"No worries, we have found each other once again. This is kind of like our spot" He's grinning, like we have made some mark on history in his mind, it makes my stomach flip and my nausea rear its ugly head again.

"I mean... it's a library" I shrug again, pulling my black puffer back over my arms, his presence making goosebumps line my pale skin.

"Not very sentimental then" He nods, dark hair slicked back. "Well now that we have gotten the chance to talk, I was gonna ask if you wanted to give lunch another try?"

"What about all those other girls you were talking about seeing?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him, flipping my textbook closed, planning to leave at the nearest opening.

"They aren't important" He chuckles, "Just something to pass the time with"

"Is that supposed to appeal to me?" I question blandly, his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.