Empty Connections

Chapter Eleven

My finger is cramping from being wrapped around Cam's hand all night, I don't know how neither of us let go, but I do know that I can no longer feel my hand. My shoulder is bent back over my body, I'm facing the wall, but I can feel Cam pressed against the pillow barrier keeping our bodies from touching.

Strangely it doesn't freak me out, to have his legs intertwined with mine and the pillow pressed into my back to shield me from his groin but that isn't the part that surprises me. It's the throbbing between my legs and the dull desire to sink into his arms and... well I don't know what else.

The reality I am finally starting to see is that change is inevitable, and even though I had the probably delusional idea that the things within my own head are here to stay. The thief that comes to steal my happiness would never be locked out, but he hasn't come knocking in a couple days and I can't remember the last time that happened.

Maybe a day would go by without that niggling, skin stripping feeling but three days is a win for me, and I am not stupid enough to believe that it will be a forever thing. It does make me feel less broken though.

I don't want to believe that having a man in my life has opened this magical door towards healing but maybe he is starting to make me realise that I could open the door.

The problem lies in that I never asked him too, I never thought I wanted too but it's all making me so unsure.

Having Rosie and Cassie come to me for advice and being able to comfort them without feeling like a glob of too-much was nice, but it starts niggling at my chest as well. That might be too much, too fast and what page is he on?

That would be the fix Imogen page, and not even I am on it yet.

"Have I squashed you against the wall?" Cam murmurs, his finger sliding out from beneath my own and it lets me yank my arm up towards the ceiling and swirl it around to gain feeling again.

"I think that was mostly me twisting and turning all night" I admit, "I don't think I have ever slept in the same place before, when I was younger, I would always turn off the edge of the bed"

His chuckle makes the bed rock, and I am reminded that both Rosie and Claudia could come inside at any moment, "What about when you're under your weighted blanket?"

It occurs to me that when he is in my bed, I barely even think about it, aside from those first couple of times. "It's not as heavy as maybe you think" I admit, rolling over and peering over the pillow at him. "Mostly I just wake up like a starfish with my pillows off the bed and the blanket over my face"

"Does it occur to you just how dangerous that sounds Princess?" Cam grins, "Suffocation via weighted blanket probably wouldn't be the flashiest way to go"

"And what would be?"

"Maybe like..." His voice trails off, brows furrowing. "Actually, I don't think there is any cool way of dying"

The astounded look on his face makes me smile, "I'm glad you came to that conclusion Cammie, if you told me that a skydiving accidental death was flashy then I might have had to push you out the bed"

"I hadn't thought of that one" He smirks, blonde hair a tangled mess on the back of his head. "That may qualify"

"Don't you dare!" I swat, "Two of our best friends are constantly talking about doing that again"

"Okay, okay!" He's laughing, "Don't maim me Gorgeous!"

"What goes on in that head of yours?" I ask, knowing that he is one of the most perceptive people I have ever met but at the same time, he comes out with strange things that rival Claudia sometimes.