Empty Connections

Chapter Twenty

Sticking with things that you hate, knowing they will eventually lead you towards your goal should, in theory, be easy but getting through the oral section of one of my permanent research and presentation units has been like hell.

There is no exaggeration when I say it has been a mission to not slam my face against the desk or say, to hell with it and storm out mid presentation.

It's dramatic but an accurate representation of how I have been feeling these last few months, and although I know the research portion of journalism is what I enjoy the most. It feels unnecessary to make me suffer through video interviews, and breaking news stories to excel in a section I won't pursue.

One of my teachers in my Sophomore year told me that once I get over my 'stage fright' I will find I am exactly, the right person to sit in front of a camera and report the news. Let's just say he wasn't overly impressed when at the end of the year, I still held the same stance.

I don't think he liked the reality where I know myself and my career goals better than a man, no longer allowed to be a newscaster after some nasty statements about a women's rights rally. Claudia thinks it is disgusting that he was then allowed to come and teach the young newscasters in the making, uplifting men and pressuring women.

In many instances I wonder if, I had been stronger, even now, would I have gone to my unit adviser and expressed how uncomfortable it made me. Having someone disregard my words and try and shove me in a direction I never wanted to go in, back then it never felt important enough but sometimes I wish I did.

Seeing Cam laying on his bed, wish a bag of my favourite liquorice sweets that he detests, makes my heart soar with gratitude. He had to roll me out of bed this morning, firm but amused at my tactics to distract him from his goal.

It was the last class in that unit, and then for the rest of the year we focus on how to present the findings to newscasters or to agencies. Thankfully, the last year of my degree is more divided, especially for people already knowing what sectors they are going into.

"How do you feel Princess?" I still scowl at the nickname, not thinking it ever encapsulates who I am but he gave it to me and so I have relinquished my hatred for it.

"Relaxed" I shrug, unsure if that's the right adjective. "Maybe it doesn't feel like I thought it would because I am still, technically, in that unit?"

"I can't believe they make you do stuff that you will never need in real life" He sighs, pulling me down onto his chest, my chin resting on the hard panes of muscles so I can look at him, grinning when he plops a sweet into my mouth. "Well, I can, it's like all that pointless crap you learn in Math"

"Ugh" I shiver, "Don't remind me, when I read up on all my units for the year, I never saw just how much of it were presentation-based projects. Maybe I would have had a conversation with my course adviser"

"They'd let you do that?"

"Yeah, they might hire some questionable people sometimes, but they are usually quite accommodating for mental health stuff, do you remember when we met Nellie at Freshman orientation?"

"Was she the one who spoke about the mental health program they started, to help people find resources most appropriate for the things they are going through?"

"Yeah, definitely sounds like you forgot who she was"

"It all came back to me what can I say" He chuckles, leaning up to press a teasing kiss to my nose. I had thought that after we started doing stuff, it would open constant need inside me, but as it turns out I still don't crave it as much as other people.