Hold On Forever (Asking Alexandria) ON HOLD.

Chapter 6

*** CASSIE'S POV ***

It was a typical friday night and I was doing what I did most friday nights; sit at home doing fuck all. It was weird to think a week before I was at the Asking Alexandria concert. The thought of them just made my heart drop, ever since I'd hugged Ben goodbye he hadn't rung. Or texted. Or anything at all. From my point of view, that was it. I was just someone to hang out with, regardless to what Ben may have said. I guess I just thought I knew him, I didn't think he'd do this.

Or he was just busy having a life.

The news reporter on the tv was telling us that we were due snow next week, my sister just scoffed at it, I knew she hated snow, I didn't mind it so much, I thought it was pretty, and I loved the sound it made when it crunched under my feet. My sister's phone began to rang and she answered it, I knew it was probably one of her friends asking to go out tonight, this happened more often that not. And her boyfriend was out tonight with his brother for the weekend and all their friends.

My prediction was right, and my sister went upstairs to get ready, then not long after she came back down, all dressed up ready for her friend to pick her up, which didn't take too long, then I was alone. I didn't really feel like watching the news, so I changed it over to the music channel, scuzz. Blink-182's song I miss you came on. How relevant was that?

I went into the kitchen for a while, the music was subtle in there but I didn't mind too much. I liked sitting at the table, being able to look out onto the lit up streets through the window. I didn't even realise I was sat there for about an hour. I looked at the time, it was eleven. I decided I would just go to bed, I had nothing else to do anyway.

The bed was cold, and so was my whole room. I leant over slightly, switching the radiator on and hoping it would warm up soon. I yawned, my eyelids feeling heavy on my eyes. I rested my head into the pillows and pulling the duvet up to my chin, closing my eyes and falling asleep almost immediatedly.

***

The sound of loud ringing filled my ears, I tried to push out but I couldn't, I was trapped, but I didn't know what was going on. My eyes shot open and I could feel the coldness of the open air hit the sweat on my forehead, my breathing was fast, I hated feeling claustraphobic, it was one of my biggest fears.

My hand began to search the other side of my bed, and eventually I found my very loudly ringing phone, lost amongst the sheets and blankets, vibrating on my already trembling hand. 

'Hello?' I said, I sounded even more scared than I thought.

'Hey, it's Ben, are you okay?' a muffled voice spoke.

I almost choked on my own breath, 'Ben?'

'Yes' he chuckled, sounding a little more clearer now, 'are you okay? You sound a bit fucking... Scared?'

'Oh, no, I'm fine, don't worry, I was just a bit... Hot' I said awkwardly.

'You're always hot' he said, I could sense the smirk in his voice, 'but you're sure you're okay, yeah?'

'Yes' I said simply, trying my best not to giggle.

'I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you in almost a week' Ben said, 'I've been really busy with photoshoots and sorting stuff out for America and so on, it's so fucking nackering I've been like a hermit every single time I get home'

I chuckled, 'oh bless you, at least I know you've not totally disowned me'

'Disowned you? I could never do that' he said, happily, 'you're like a puppy, I'm stuck with you now'

'So I'm a dog am I?' I scoffed jokingly.

'Only if you want to be' he chuckled, 'fuck, it's so cold here'

'Where are you?'

'At home, but this bed is freezing, it's been ages and I still don't like sleeping alone' he sighed, he sounded kind of down, even upset, 'come join me? I could do with a cuddle'

'No, I'd rather not be a replacement until you find someone else' I said, it sounded way harsher than I had intended, sometimes I say the things I'm thinking of without even realising, it gets me in a lot of trouble, and I felt so bad for saying that to Ben, even though I thought it was true, 'but the cuddling idea doesn't seem bad, so maybe' I said, trying to not be a total bitch.

There was a short silence, 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that' Ben said softly. My heart felt heavy in my chest, why did I always have to fuck everything up? Why couldn't have I agreed and jokingly flirted back? Oh yeah, because I didn't want to be a door mat.

 'It doesn't matter' I mumbled, feeling awkward now, all of a sudden it felt like there was tension between us, I didn't know what to say.

'You should come down to London' Ben said, his voice was low and kind of shy, like a little kid worrying he was going to get yelled at, a small smile appeared on my face.

'Yeah, maybe' I basically whispered, there was another short silence before we decided to sort it out another time, a time where we both weren't curled up in our beds freezing to death.

'Is it weird to say I miss you?' Ben asked.

It was as if a tribe of butterflies had made a surprise appearance in my stomach, I began to blush and a massive grin appeared on my face, my heart beating fast,  I tried not to giggle as I spoke, 'would it be even weirder to say I miss you too?'

'Yeah, you freak' he chuckled, 'just kidding, fuck, I really need to see you'

'Then book me a train ticket and I'll come and visit you' I giggled.

'I will' he said, 'trust me'

We carried on talking for another hour. It was weird, we always seemed to find things to discuss, he told me about his week, the plans for the America tour, about how someone had dropped one of his guitars and it was currently in recontruction and he wasn't too happy about it. We talked about how much I despise my work and my boss, and that I felt like I wasn't doing anything productive with my life.

Whenever I spoke to Ben, he always managed to make me feel like I was wanted, like I wasn't worthless. I hadn't ever been as close to a boy as I was with him. It hurt me knowing he felt so lonely and sad and that there was nothing I could do to help him and make him feel happier, but not for all the wrong reasons.