Hold On Forever (Asking Alexandria) ON HOLD.

Chapter 13

It's been ages. It's stopped snowing, that's how long it's been. We still talk almost everyday, when he's not busy, and when I'm not sleeping. Work still sucks, wage is still minimum. I want to quit. In a way I have to, I can't live off of this, I feel sorry for him having to put up with my endless rants about how much I hate it. I'm beginning to wish I went to college. There is still hope, but it seems so difficult to get. I want to get out of here. It's late and I'm still up waiting for him to come online. I think I'm obsessed with our talks, I wonder if he is. 

Cassie closed her diary slowly, pushing it under her bed along with the pen. She layed down on the bed, hands resting on her covered stomach, staring up at the ceiling, boring and white, with a few specks from the fairy lights reflecting off of it. She did this a lot, normally with some pop punk playing in the background while she thought about the future she couldn't afford. She was in search for happiness, something so far away. She had thought about her future ever since she was a young girl and so far it hadn't turned out half as planned, which was a massive dissapointment. 

'Cas your phone is ringing!' shouted an angry voice along with an angry loud bang on the door, then footsteps and then the slam of another door, probably not the best time to wake someone up. Cassie sat up quickly, snapping out of her mind and getting up, walking over to her desk, to the ringing phone she was oblivious to, without checking who it was, she answered and went back over to her bed, muttering a grumpy hello before lying back down.

'Are you home?' a frantic voice spoke quickly, along with fast heavy breathing. She frowned, not recognising the voice and taking a glance down at the screen, Ben. Cassie put the phone back to her ear, why was he in such a panic?, 'Cassie are you home? I need to know if you're okay'

'I'm fine Ben, what's happened?' she asked, still confused, twiddling nervously on a strand of hair.

'Are you deffinetly sure you're okay?' he continued, his voice still shaky and panicky, 'are you sure?'

'Yes, Ben, are you okay? Has something happened?' Cassie repeated, seriously worried for him now. There was a bit of silence that was only filled with breathing she could barely hear, she began to panic herself, worried he'd gotten himself into trouble or something else ridiculously stupid he'd do.

'Okay, I'm okay, I just worried that's all' he said, a bit more muffled this time, there was a long silence that seemed never ending, and Cassie was unsure how to break it. She gulped back, worried for him, living in that appartment all alone most of the time, or he was out getting drunk, 'you're not just worried though are you?' Cassie sighed, curling into a ball and looking out of the window, 'tell me everything'

There were a few muttered words before another, shorter, silence, Ben took a deep breath, wanting to tell her everything, just unsure how these muffled words were supposed to make sense, 'I miss her so much, she doesn't care, I rang her and she yelled at me and told me to never talk to her again and I know I should've not done it in the first place but I don't know what to fucking do I'm so lonely and such a fuck up and I just don't know, I miss you too, it's so difficult Cassie and then I have tour and I'm gonna get really bad I know it'

It had all been said in a matter of seconds and then he just stopped, Cassie could hear faint sobbing and it broke her heart knowing he felt this way and she could do nothing about it to help him, he missed his ex so much, and how do you help someone out of that? 'you know you can come and visit me whenever you need to, I'm always here, but you wont be lonely on tour'

 'You don't get it, no one understands there it's just sex and drugs and sometimes I need a break from that' he said quickly, 'and I will visit you, I have to'