𝗛𝗶𝘀 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗗𝗶𝗮𝗿𝘆

His Personal Diary: 11

NOT EDITED

Water Color Eyes- Lana Del Ray

"Why you always doing that?
Breaking up with me then making up
Just to make me mad."

•••••••
Ephesia sat before the therapist her boss told her to call. She stared at him, he stared at her.

He took the time to study her body language, there was no doubt that she didn't want to be here. Her eyes said everything as they were full of emotion. She had sad eyes, puffy from crying late at night. Bags sat under them present from her lack of sleep.

"My name is Doctor James, but you can call me Jay if it makes you anymore comfortable and welcomed."
He reached his hand out to shake hers.

Staring at his hand, she was reluctant to shake it— but she did.

"Okay."
Was all she said before readjusting herself on the couch.

"So Ephesia where would you like to start?"
His gaze made her shift.

"I don't know where to start—"
She awkwardly laughed.

"It's just so much that happened, I don't know."

"Start with what is keeping you up late at night."
Their eyes finally met, his comment striking a nerve.

"I- um. I lost a child."
She began.

"I was stressing over someone who I thought would never betray me the way they did. I let them manipulate me in every possible way. And each time, like a fool I let them. Each time they broke my heart, I let them back in. I let them back in because I loved—

I love them."
She corrected herself. She still did love Luca no matter what. Maybe that was her problem, she was attached to him, dependent even. He dictated her emotions when he wasn't even there.

"You changed your wording. Loved to love—why?"
His intense eye contact made Ephesia uncomfortable. She left like a microbe under a microscope.

"Because I still love him, even after he broke my heart. After all these years of being with him, I can't help but to love him. But I don't want to love him. I want to hate him so bad, but I can't."

"Why do you want to hate him? Hate is a strong word Ephesia."
His eyes were big and brown—inviting almost.
They stared into her soul.

"He hurt me, so bad. So many times. I just- I want him out of my head, desperately. Every thought I have is about him. About, Luca. "
Ephesia sighed, finally giving him a name.

"And this Luca, you let him have so much affect on you. You're saying that he's not present anymore, and if that is true— why are you allowing for him to have say in how you feel?"
Jay's eyes shamelessly swept over her frame, taking in her effortless beauty. Though she looked tired, there was something that shined through all of the darkness surrounding her life.

"He is gone. He's in prison."
She laughed bitterly.

"He'll be there half a decade. And not even within a year of his sentence he killed our baby-"
There was no need in sugar coating it anymore.

"Well more like him and his brother. I can still remember getting that damned note in the mail. It felt like my whole world stopped spinning. I could feel the seconds tick by me."
Ephesia paused to wipe her eyes as tears cascaded freely.

"I'm sorry."
She choked on a sob as Jay moved to hand her tissue.

"This is what you came for Ephesia. You came to let your emotions out, so let them out. No need to apologize."
His smile seemed like the first sincere one she had seen in years.

She couldn't help but cry, she had been holding it in for so long. She cried. She cried long and hard. Her head rested in her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably, she shook.
"I feel so hel- helpless."

"I don't want to feel this way anymore—"
She wept into her hands. James couldn't feel any worse as he watched the grieving woman cry on his couch as he looked on.

"It's okay to feel that way, Ephesia. Your feelings as valid, but it is important to know that your feelings aid in your healing. You're hurt, and it'll take time to heal."
Ephesia stared into his eyes, he stared into hers.

Her eyes were like window into her soul. Big and brown orbs that showed her each and every emotion. Her fears, her happiness, her grief, her love, her hate— all locked behind those eyes of hers.

There was a silence between the two as Ephesia took the time to wipe her tears from her face.
"What do you want? Want do you really want Ephesia?"

"I want to feel like myself again. I want to move on. I want to be able to sleep, I want to be at peace. I don't want to cry everytime I see a pregnant woman in commercials or in public. I want to be happy."
Her lips twitched up into a small smile as her words reminded herself of who she was before all of this. But the smile quickly faded.

Had she ever been really happy?

"I can help you do that. If you trust me as your therapist, I can help you with this journey."
His voice was soothing, deep and comforting.

She wanted to trust him, his words, his kind smile, his caring eyes. She didn't.
"I trust you."
She lied. He could tell.

"If you trust me we can get to the root of all of this. Not just Luca, not just your baby, but you. We can talk about anything you like, I just need you to be honest."

It was like he could see through her. That made Ephesia squirm. But she nodded in response.

••••••••
As their session came to an end, Jay couldn't help but to feel satisfied with the small smile he had left on her face.
"I'll see you in a week, Ephesia."

As they stood, he couldn't help but notice how he towered of her. Practically looking down at the woman in front of him.
"Yes you will."
She nodded and took the outreaching hand in front of her.

He shook her hand delicately and watched her walk out of his office and down the hall.

And there he stood, totally invested in Ms. Ephesia. He wanted to see her grow, and he wanted to be the one that assisted her in that journey. He could see her potential.

REMEMBER! NOT EDITED!

I would apologize for my absence but I've been busy working and dealing with the hell that is English 111.

But I am sorry for leaving you guys hanging. Love you guys, thank you for sticking by me.

SC🫶🏾