Lost in your own mind

Do you really need to say sorry, or do they?

So I'm 22 right? I thought by 22 I'd have this life thing almost all the way figured out, cause like when you're 13, 22 seems so old and wise. However, I can confidently say... what THEE fuck.
Adults lie man. 22 is just as bad as 10, at least at 10 I knew what I wanted for dinner after a long day. Although, it took this long for me to finally realize that all those years your parents, friends, teachers, ex's, ect. Spent telling you hey if you don't pick up after yourself now, you're gonna turn into a slob when you're older. If you don't do your homework you're going to not go to college. If you walk in that parking lot alone, you may get kidnapped. Now I'm not saying those things caused my anxiety, but they sure as hell triggered it. Let's put it this way.. you have a support system right, but you ever noticed how it's your support system that causes you the most anxiety and feelings of lack of support? I got married last year, and that means for me that my support system turned from being just my family, to him and his family as well... scary right? Yeah no, I love you guys, but respectfully no fucking thank you.. lol.. (< had to add that so y'all know it's kinda a joke.... Buuuht not really.) I have a hard time as it is opening up to my family, and just when I get the hang of it I go ahead and add more. Terrifying. One major thing I learned about getting married though, is that I say sorry a lot. I say sorry over stupid things I never realized, until he asked me, "why are you saying sorry, you literally weren't even apart of that problem." Now unfortunately for him, he made me open my eyes to that and turned me into a, " I will not apologize, if I am not the problem." type of person. Boundaries right? The thing is, when we're constantly saying sorry to someone we deep down know doesn't deserve an apology, we're making them feel entitled to our guilt for no fucking reason. Read that again. You know when you've done something that deserves and apology, and you can do that however you feel is necessary, but if someone hits you with their car are you going to say, "oh sorry my bad." Fuuhhck no, you're going to say "How do you plan on fixing this so the air is cleared and we both feel good about it." Or ya know dolla dolla bills y'all. Anyways, that small piece of realizing I apologize for things that weren't mine to apologize for, also made me realize that THAT small little thing made up a big ole piece of my anxiety. Something as simple as not saying sorry, had me feeling like fucking Wonder Woman. It's not the whole solution, but I found a small piece of it, and with that small piece we're gonna rule the world, may be our own.. but that's all we need right now.. control of our own world so for once we don't feel lost.
Cheer up love
Tomorrows a new day, with new fears, boundaries to cross, people to not apologize to.
But you made it to a new day, and that's a huge accomplishment.