Lost in your own mind

You're kinda cute.

Self image is a huge struggle for so many people. I think the biggest parts are social media, movies, music, and let's be honest porn. It's not just a girl thing it goes for literally everyone. You see the models on Instagram, the people getting popular on tik tok, the songs about big butts and titties, and everyone having unrealistic expectations when you take off your clothes in front of the person you wanna hmmm ✨cuddle✨ with. I'm not the one to cast the first stone here, I have some pretty high expectations when it comes to who I'm going to choose to be in my life, and let's be honest the people you hang out with portray the type of person you are, and you want it to be good right? When I was 10, all the girls in my class were already learning how to shave their legs. Me? I did not. At 10 you shouldn't get shamed for not shaving your legs, honestly no 10 year old shouldn't be concerned about about anything that has to do with how you look physically. Alas, there is 10 year old me sitting on the playground wearing my Nike shorts and getting made fun of for how dark and long my leg hairs were. I wish I could go back and tell those kids to fuck off, but instead I learned how to shave, wax, and shine. We all do it, because we want that admiration from other people, literally everybody does it. Why does it matter though, I mean we have anxiety, or at least I'm going to assume you do or else you wouldn't wanna stick around and read this. So why the fuck do we yearn for the admiration to feel accepted, when we don't even wanna leave our beds most of the time. Who are we trying to impress? I mean at the end of the day you're the one who lives with yourself, so shouldn't we be trying to impress ourselves? They say, "confidence is the most attractive feature." So what about the ones like me that can only find that confidence a few times a month before my anxiety tells me it's all fake. What about the few of us who don't even wanna look in the mirror because we're scared of seeing our demons staring back telling us we are not worth it. What about the few of us who can't form a thought without the what will everyone think nagging in our heads. I get it confidence is fucking hot, but are we not hot because it takes us so much effort to find it? Or are we fucking sexy because we work so hard for our confidence so that when we finally do feel it, it radiates so fucking bright. If you have the answer, please share. Personally my mom is obsessed with looks, I've grown up hearing: mm don't eat that it'll all go to your thighs, if you don't cut out sugar you're going to gain 50lbs, your stomach is poking out in that dress I'm going to find you spanx, husbands don't find that attractive and we need to stay attractive for our husbands. I had an eating disorder for the longest time, because I wanted to be the image everyone wanted to see. It took a very long time for me to overcome that, and to this day I'm still eating less then what I should and then binging in the middle of the night when no one sees, and how is that healthy? So how can we impress ourselves, so that we too radiate that confidence everyone is talking about.
I don't know yet, but we have a starting point and that's what matters, we found the issue and asked ourself the question so we're not blind to it. That's the first step.
I think you're cute, and I see that confidence waiting to come out and when it does it'll be so bright.
It just takes a little more time.
I really hate time.