The Affair [boyxboy]

The Affair {15}

                “Why won’t you even look at me?” I shrieked desperately. My vision was blurred with hot tears. My hands were trembling, my head was pounding, and my chest hurt so bad I could barely take it.

                But I wasn’t even met with a stare. They just continued to calmly watch TV, talking to each other about how bad tomorrow’s weather looked.

                “I’m your son!” My throat hurt from how loud I was screaming. “I’m not invisible! I know you can hear me! I know you can see me! Please just look at me!”

                I reached out to touch the man in front of me. The man who had taught me how to play baseball and soccer. The man who had paraded me around on his shoulders. The man who had, not long ago, loving called me by my silly pet-name and ruffled my hair.

                But it felt like there was a barrier between me and them now. A barrier of hate and disgust built between us, of shame and loathing.

                “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said, my voice cracking. “I’m sorry! I’ll do anything if you’ll just look at me! I don’t want to be invisible! I don’t want to be…alone.” I was sobbing now, and the pain in my chest took over, dropping me to my knee, crying so hard I could barely breathe.

                                                                                                ***

                I was in a familiar bedroom. Blake was laying on his bed, his hands folded behind his head, his gaze fixed on his ceiling.

                “You’re quiet today Connor. What’s wrong?” His gaze slid from the ceiling to my face.

                I met his eyes, my chest still aching violently. “I just…It…Nothing. It’s nothing Blake.”

                He shifted and sat up, getting closer to me. “Did something happen between you and Luka?”

                I shook my head. “No. Nothing happened between me and anybody,” I lied quietly.

                “Where is Luka, anyways?” Blake asked.

                “He’s home,” I mumbled. I wanted nothing more than to go to Luka. To fall into his arms and break apart. But I had cried an ocean already, and I just didn’t think there were any tears left. I didn’t want Luka to see me upset. It would break his heart, and I couldn’t do that to him. It was best if he didn’t see me like this.

                Blake hesitated before wrapping his arms around me. I hugged him back tightly, the pain in my chest easing just a little.

                Blake pulled away and brushed my hair out of my eyes, staring into them. “Connor, I’ve never seen you this upset before. What happened?” he asked gently.

                I fought hard to hold back my feelings, and somehow managed to. “Nothing Blake.” I forced a smile. It was shaky, but there.

                “Connor…” Blake trailed off, his eyes darting from my eyes to my lips. He dragged his gaze back to my eyes. He reached over and put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to himself.

                That pain in my chest eased a little more, to my relief. I looked at Blake, and suddenly, I felt curious. “Blake…tell me what you think of me. What you really think of me. Don’t lie, and don’t hold anything back,” I said. Would his words help ease the pain like his touch had?