Blindsided

Part 22

Melanie

When I said I was embarrassed, that was the biggest understatement I've so much as muttered. I'm so embarrassed at this point, I can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. Confused, alone, petrified, uncomfortable... any of them will do. 

I've been moping around my parents house for just less than a week now, my gloomy mind shielding the Californian sun from spilling into the window. Which I hate, more than anything else. Being gloomy is so exhausting, and no one should have to feel like this.

Especially during one of the happiest times of the year.

The holidays.

No matter how many times my sister runs into my room, waving her latest craft project or candy cane in my face, I just can't seem to smile. Everything in me feels empty, emotions drained more than they ever once were. My blood seems to run on exclusively cold, chilling my body despite the hot cocoa I've had nestled beside me at all times, thanks to my mom. 

Not to sound dramatic, but it's like I don't even know how to feel anymore. All of my emotions have been shut down, well... except for that one. The one that's refusing to leave me alone, through all points of the day.

I'm beyond annoyed due to how much I've thought about him. How many times I've been caught off guard, daydreaming. The times I've caught myself smiling, before realizing it's been because of him. It's horrifying, but I have no idea what to do about it. From reminding myself that he has a girlfriend, and that he's literally the most annoying person I've ever crossed paths with, I can't help remember him in my last few weeks at school.

He stuck by me, never questioned anything I had told him. He believed me, and beat up a guy, his own cousin, just because of me. I never expected him to stand up for me like that, and just thinking over it makes something twinge in my chest. Another feeling pop into my head, another one that's been revitalized. 

And that scares me. 

It scares me more than I let on, more than I could ever speak upon. Every bone in my body is petrified of these... feelings that won't let go of me.

"Darling, do you want to come downstairs for presents now? I'm afraid if you don't your sister will tear apart the house." My mum flashes me a small smile from the doorway, nodding her head in the direction of where I presume the rest of my family is. I sigh reluctantly, pushing my bed's cover away from my middle. I pick up the dirty water bottle from beside my bed, unsure of how long it had been sitting there. My sock-suffocated feet makes soft padding noises as I make my way down the stairs, keeping my head low. 

"Mewwy!" A bundle of joy tumbles into my legs, almost knocking me over. 

"Oomph. Steady on, Felicity." I bend down, picking my sister up off the floor. She giggles as she settles into my arms, but I don't miss the extra glance that she gives to my bruised eye. That's another thing I hate, the way people have started to treat me. I get it... sort of. Everyone I'm close to, especially my parents, just want everything to be better in an instant. They want to fix everything, and fix it right now. They just want me to be magically better, and they want to protect me from everything. Which just isn't logical, or feasible, in the long-term. Which brings us right back, full circle, to Bailey. Bailey the hero. Bailey the big, strong protector.

"Here we go, let's sit down." I lower both my sister and myself down onto the floor, pushing a pillow behind my back. My mom's enter the room, my mum holding out her trusty camera, a smile on her lips.

"Merry Christmas everyone! Say cheese!"

...

I know I need to get up. Crawl out of bed, and sit myself at my desk. Speak to someone across the phone, pretending like I know the answers to everything that's going on with me.