Blindsided

Part 32

Melanie

I'm knocking on Natalie's door at 1 in the morning in an absolutely frantic state, bawling my eyes out. 

This is really looking good for me.

She pulls the door open as I'm mid-sob, rubbing her eyes with exhaustion. Casey is right by her side, looking just as tired. When Natalie sees that it's me, her expression softens, and she immediately pulls me inside. She wraps her arm over my shoulder, guiding me over towards her couch, and setting me down on top of it. 

"Casey, hot cocoa." Casey heads towards the kitchen at his wife's command, looking confused. Natalie runs towards a nearby hall closet, pulling out a large, knitted blanket. She returns to where I'm sitting, draping it over my shoulders. Next, she pulls off my shoes, laying them beside the couch. 

"Do you feel like you're about to vomit? Would you like a bucket?" she quizzes me, pulling a pillow behind my back as she eases me backwards, until I'm leaning on the backrest of the couch. 

"No, no, I'm not drunk." I reply, although, I do sort of feel like I'm about to throw up, just not from alcohol. Natalie nods sympathetically, sitting herself on the coffee table so she's facing me.

"I'm so so-o-ry." I stutter out, although I don't get too much into an apology before another wave of sobs flood into my eyes. 

"What for?" she asks, smiling sweetly. There's something about Natalie, and the way she approaches things, that just makes you want to talk to her. Her constant calmness is unrivalled, and there's no situation I've seen her in that her head isn't clear. It's an amazing quality to possess, one that I wish I had on my belt. It certainly would've helped with whatever the fuck I decided to do mere minutes ago. 

"For barging in. I forgot people would actually be asleep right now."

"No, it's okay, we only just went to bed." Casey takes that moment to walk across the living room, handing both myself and Natalie a glass of piping hot cocoa. I manage to smile briefly at him as he walks back to the kitchen, grabbing his own mug. He takes a seat beside Natalie, wrapping his arm around her waist. The simple action almost makes me tear up, knowing full-well that Bailey's arm was around my waist half an hour ago. 

"What's up Mel?" 

I drop Natalie's eye, sniffing away more tears that dare to fall.

"I fucked up Nat, really bad."

"What happened?" she urges, her voice sweet in the silent air. She takes a sip of her steaming mug, her glasses fogging up no more than a second later. She goes to take them off, but Casey reaches for them before she can, cleaning them for her. I almost melt. Natalie and Casey have always been good at showing their affection for each other, through little actions, they always have been. And here I am, not even able to reply when the person I'm in love with tells me he loves me. I'm hopeless.

"Bailey and I..." I trail off again, taking a long, deep breath. "We had sex. And it was fine, well, better than fine, but it wasn't the sex that was the problem. It was afterwards, when he told me he loved me." Natalie's eyes light up, and she smiles at Casey before returning her gaze to me.

"That's amazing Mel!"

"Yeah, except that I didn't say anything back, even though I do love him."

"Why didn't you just say that then?" Casey asks cluelessly from beside his wife, looking confused.

"Because, I'm too scared. Trust me, I don't get it either. But, I just feel like I don't deserve having someone who's so nice and caring love me. Not when I'm the way I am."