Blindsided

Part 33

Melanie

I can't believe that it's all over. That that's it. That I'm finished with school, and real life starts. But what hurts the most, in this very moment, is knowing that we're finished, before we even had a real chance to become a something.

All because of me. 

These last few days I've been consumed with guilt, a feeling I wasn't able to shake, until I saw Bailey again, across the courtyard. My insides were backflipping as my eyes had connected, my mind feeling this faint relief that I may have one, last chance to talk to him. To tell him how wrong I was, how stupid I was to let him go. How miserable I am without, how  I didn't realize how much I needed him in my life, until it was too late. And I wouldn't have expected him to forgive me. I've been a terrible person to him over these past few days, and I wouldn't blame him for feeling hurt, or angry. 

But, the moment slipped through my fingers before I realized it'd happened, with Bailey leaving, walking right through the school gates, and right out of my life. 

For good. 

"Mel darling, we're here now." My mom's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I'm surprised to find that our renter car has pulled up to the front of the airport. My mum turns around in the front seat, smiling sympathetically. I smile back, though I'm positively sure it doesn't reach my eyes. I jump out of the car, sighing tiredly as I grab my bags. 

I still haven't told either of my parents what's wrong, even though I know they can tell that somethings up. But, with a near 7 hour flight ahead of us, I know they'll have me crying like an open dam within the first hour. Something that I'm dreading. 

My mom's help me pull my array of stuff into the large, open airport, the loud, noisy atmosphere hitting my ears. 

If only it was loud enough to drown out my own self-loathing.

...

Once I've checked in all my luggage, which, took quite a while, we head towards our departure lounge. Which, seems stupid to met, seeing that our plane doesn't leave for well over an hour. I cannot sit here for an hour stewing over everything, I know I can't. I've already got 7 full hours of that up my sleeve.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I keep my bag sitting on my shoulder as I turn away from the rows of seats quickly. Ignoring my parents calls, I steamroll down the long hallway, stopping only when I see the bathroom sign. I duck into the small room, heading straight for an empty stall, locking myself inside of it. I close the lid of the toilet, and flop down on top of it, giving my aching legs a break. I place my head into my hands, trying desperately to be rid of the tears that won't stop flowing behind my built up exterior. 

I just wish I could talk to him in person. But, he never told me explicitly when he was leaving, so I have no idea what state he's even in right now. And I guess I could call him, but if his flight to... somewhere left earlier, he won't get the call until he's landed. Which will then probably be when I'm in the air, and even if he does call me back, we'll just keep playing this game of phone tag, neither of us knowing what to do. He needs a real apology, not some measly, half-assed over the phone thing. But I don't know how to give that to him. I want to, hell, I'd to anything even if it made things 1% better, but how?

Universe, I really need an answer. Soon, preferably.

I let out one final internal sob, before flushing the toilet, and exiting the cubicle. I give myself the once-over in the mirror while I'm washing my hands, grimacing at the sight of myself. My face has barely any color flowing through it, my hair sticking out at a variety at ends. I sigh, grabbing a paper towel to dry my hands before pushing myself through the heavy doorway.