Belle Morte Bites (Belle Morte 4.3)

Nightmares

Modern Day (set before Jason AND Gideon's wedding)

Gideon opened his eyes to the sound of a stifled moan. The room was in pitch blackness, and his head was still cobwebby with sleep; he blinked a couple of times, wondering if he'd misheard.

But no, there it was again, a soft moan coming from his fiancé, curled up next to him, his back to Gideon.

"Jason?" Gideon whispered.

Jason didn't answer. He was shaking slightly, one hand clenching the covers, his eyes frantically moving under closed lids.

Gideon sat up, his heart constricting into a painful ball.

Jason hadn't had one of these nightmares in weeks, but Gideon knew exactly what he was dreaming about. It had happened to Jason often enough – Gideon was painfully familiar with the signs.

"Jason," he said again, louder.

Jason made a hoarse groaning noise and tried to burrow into his pillow.

When Jason had first started having this nightmare, Gideon had thought it was better to wake him up, but he'd been wrong. As awful as the nightmare was, yanking him out of it had left Jason terrified and disoriented. Gideon didn't do that anymore.

Instead he got as close to Jason as he could, leaning over his fiancé, and speaking to him in soft, soothing tones.

"It's alright, Jason, it's just a dream. I'm still here. Please wake up."

He knew what Jason was dreaming about because it was always the same thing. A few months ago, a maniac had sneaked a bomb into Belle Morte under the guise of interviewing Jason, and had blown himself up in the dining hall, intending to take Jason with him. But Gideon had used himself as a shield, throwing himself in front of Jason and taking the brunt of the blast instead and even though his injuries had healed up that same day, leaving not a mark behind, other wounds didn't heal as easily.

In Jason's nightmares, Gideon didn't survive the explosion.

"It's just a dream," Gideon said again. "I'm here, Jason. I'm not hurt."

He continued to speak as softly as he could, repeating the same words over and over until Jason came awake with a shuddering gasp, one hand clutching blindly at the air. Gideon grabbed his hand.

"I'm here," he said, kissing Jason's shoulder.

Jason slumped onto his back, staring up at Gideon with wide, shocked eyes, his chest heaving with the horror of the nightmare.

Gideon slipped his arm under Jason's shoulders, hugging his fiancé against his chest, still murmuring to him. Jason's breath was warm on his chest, coming too fast as he struggled to orient himself.

Gideon placed his hand over Jason's heart, feeling the way it frantically thumped.

"It wasn't real. It was just a nightmare," he said.

But it was rooted in such terrible truth, the tragedy that they'd barely avoided.

"It always feels so real," Jason whispered, burrowing under Gideon's chin. "I can still smell the smoke and the blood. My hands feel wet." He rubbed his palm against the covers as if it was still stained with Gideon's blood.

Gideon himself didn't remember much of what happened after the explosion. He remembered the gut-wrenching pain of the shrapnel that had sliced into his back, the strength that had flowed out of him along with his blood. He remembered slipping in his own blood. Everything after that was a little hazy. He'd managed to summon enough strength to stop anyone else from hurting Jason, but after that there was nothing but black. He'd lost consciousness, and he hadn't woken up until he'd been taken upstairs, and Edmond had been pulling out all that shrapnel.

But Jason had seen everything – the awful extent of Gideon's injuries, and the mess of gore that the bomb had made of his would-be killer. It was small wonder that the events of that day were seared into his brain.

"It wasn't real," Gideon said, capturing Jason's hand with his own.

Jason let out another shuddering breath, clarity coming back into his blue eyes.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," he mumbled.

Gideon kissed the top of his head. "Don't apologise for something that's not your fault."

Jason leaned his face against Gideon's chest. Gideon could still hear his heart beating too fast, but it wasn't as panicked as it had been when he woke up.

"It's been months since that day. Will I ever stop having these nightmares?" Jason said.

"Yes."

"When."

"I don't know." Gideon stroked Jason's hair. "You just need more time."

Jason made a frustrated noise, and rolled onto his back. "This sucks," he muttered.

"Look at me," Gideon said.

Jason did.

Gideon cupped his cheek, stroking his thumb along the stubble where Jason hadn't shaved in a couple of days.

"I love you," Gideon said. "I hate that this is happening to you and there's nothing I can do to stop it, but don't ever feel guilty about it. It won't last forever."

Jason looked at him with sad eyes. "What if it does?"

"Then I'll talk you out of the nightmare every time, and sit with you until you fall asleep again."

Jason smiled a little.

"And I really don't think this will last forever. That's the first one you've had in weeks," Gideon said.

"Roll over," Jason said, sitting up.

Gideon shifted to his front, turning his head to the side so he could watch Jason.

Jason stared down at Gideon's bare back for a long moment, his face neutral but his eyes churning with emotion. Then he ran his fingertips over Gideon's skin, tracing the places where shrapnel from the bomb had shredded him, again and again, as if reassuring himself that the wounds really were gone. Then he kissed those places, his lips soft and warm, a delicious contrast to the slight scrape of his stubble.

Finally he lay beside Gideon and Gideon rolled onto his side. They lay quietly, looking at each other, and in some ways it was as intimate as sex itself.

"Come here," Gideon said.

Jason wriggled closer to him, snuggling against Gideon's chest and tucking his head under Gideon's chin. He let out a little sigh. "I like this."

Gideon stroked his back, a repetitive, soothing motion, until Jason finally drifted asleep again.

He hated that Jason suffered from these nightmares – hated that the crazy bastard who'd blown himself up was still affecting Jason after all these months.

Jason had once asked him whether Gideon himself ever had nightmares about that day – after all, he was the one who'd nearly died. But Gideon never did. He'd thrown himself in front of Jason because he really would die for him. He loved him more than he'd ever loved anyone, more than he'd ever thought it possible to love someone. If ever they were in that situation again, he would do the same thing. Jason had nightmares because he'd had to watch as Gideon nearly slipped away from him, but Gideon regretted nothing about that day because he'd kept Jason safe, and that was the only thing that mattered to him.

Hugging Jason to his chest, Gideon went to sleep.